PANIC! AT THE FRAT HOUSE By Whitney Derman
A sense of panic flowed over me as I watched my best friend get dragged away by the local cops. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even say goodbye, my mind was in a total funk as I witnessed the officer walk my friend out of the interrogation room. It felt surreal, like a nightmare, only it was real. I could have easily prevented this, but of course I had been too caught up in my own self-preservation. I’m Evanna, and here’s my story.
We were beyond ready to leave the world of scary movies and candy behind for a brave new world filled with drugs, sex, and rock n’ roll (or whatever dubstep frat party DJs usually played). But our eagerness to leave the world of horror movies behind was in vain, for all we did was manage to enter a world where the horror became real, not just something you watched with a cute guy and a large pail of popcorn.
“Hey Evanna! Can you help me with my makeup?” my roommate, Shirley, called from the bathroom.
“Yeah, sure, hang on. Just gotta finish putting my costume on,” I said, frantically trying to find my killer metal-spiked stilettos. It was my first time going to a party where I wouldn’t have to get my outfit checked by my mom — obviously I was going to make the most of it.
“Holy shit Eve. Are we going to a party or a strip club?” Shirley gasped.
“Too much?” I asked sheepishly, looking down at my scandalous devil costume.
“Nah girl, you look fucking hot. I wish I had the body to pull off a costume like that,” she sighed.
“Shut up Shirls. You’re gorgeous. And once I’m done with your makeup, everyone will be watching you all night.”
Just as I finished applying Shirley’s smokey-eye, my phone rang and Blondie’s “Call Me” started blasting.
“Hello?”
“Hey. It’s me, Joey. I’m gonna be a little late, so I’ll just meet you at the party.”
“Wait, but how will you get in? You need ratio,” I reminded him.
“Don’t worry, I’m a rebel,” he said.
Once Shirley and I finished pregaming, we headed into the night, excited for what was to come.
By the time we arrived, the party was already in full swing. I could feel people turn to stare at us as we walked into the crowded house. I reached for my phone and saw a text from Joey.
Hey I’m upstairs by the bathroom. Where you at?
I replied, Be right there.
“Um… I don’t see Joey, do you?” I asked Shirley, nervously waiting right next to the bathroom.”
“Do you know what he’s going as?”
“Ugh, no. It probably would’ve been smart to ask.” Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, startled, as my eyes were met with a black-cloaked figure; there was neither a face nor feet visible. It was just a dark sinister figure floating around. Suddenly one of the ghoulish arms reached towards the hood of the cloak; I braced myself, expecting the worst as images from every horror film I’d ever seen raced through my mind.
Suddenly I heard a familiar laugh, “ Ha, fooled you!” Joey exclaimed as he lowered his hood to reveal his very human and non-scary face.
“Dude you scared the living shit out of me!” giving him my best look of disapproval.
“You know what scares the living shit out of me?” he asked.
“Teenagers,” I sighed, hearing the joke again for what felt like the hundredth time.
“Hey we’ve been best friends for five years. You should’ve expected that by now,” he said, lightly kissing my cheek.
“True,” I said, as we headed downstairs where the DJ was spinning the Ghostbusters theme song. I was instantly blinded as the strobe lights went off in tune with the music. It was cool though, I met Alexander Hamilton, Julius Caesar, and some guy in the Beatles (aka some guys in my math class).
At some point in the night everyone decided that having a drunken dance-off in a crowded basement was a good idea - hint: it’s not! At the last count of my song, “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi, I threw in a high kick, one of my signature dance moves. I must’ve thought the space was bigger than it was because I felt my foot hit something squishy and suddenly heard a loud cry of pain. Feeling embarrassed, I turned away, not looking to see whom I hit.
Suddenly I heard three words that would change my life: “I can’t see!” I recognized the voice instantly. It was Tommy; the quiet kid from my English class. I hoped if I left quickly enough he wouldn’t remember I kicked him. Yeah that would work! I’d just leave and sleep the whole thing off…
A little while later, as I reached the front door, a large bang echoed from the other side. One of the frat brothers opened the door to reveal a menacing cop; He must have been6 feet tall, with a stoic expression on his face. I instantly froze.
“All right, who called?” The police officer yelled into the now eerily silent room, “This better not be a darned prank. I’m missing out on my wife’s signature dish, Stouffers Macaroni and Cheese.”
A tall skinny guy with black hair and green eyes hidden behind black-rimmed glasses calmly approached the officer. Ironically enough, he wasn’t dressed up as Harry Potter, but instead sported a Greek God ensemble. “Sir, there’s been a bad injury. This kid, Tommy, he’s been complaining he can’t see, and, well, you know how they say call 911 if you have an emergency? Well, I would say this is definitely an emergency.”
“One, you talk too much. Two, bring him here,” the officer commanded.
I must’ve passed out because the next thing I knew I was sitting in a white room. The officer from the party sat behind an old fashioned wooden desk. He glared at me while a white light above blinded me. In my grogginess I didn’t even notice Joey and Shirley sitting next to me. The officer grilled us with questions; Please let this be a nightmare, I thought.
“Where were you at 1 am?” the officer asked, looking directly at me.
“Umm, I don’t know.” I answered.
“You don’t know? Seems suspicious,” he scoffed.
“I was at a party… having fun.”
He asked us each several more questions and then let us go. Just as I was about to reach the door, the officer cleared his throat. The three of us froze, then turned to face him.
“My my my. The spikes on those heels are awfully big. Dare I say they even have the power to BLIND someone: Care to make a confession?” He smiled sinisterly at me.
Shit, I thought. I completely forgot I was still wearing the shoes. I calmly replied, “ No sir. I’m not guilty.”
Before I knew it he was kneeling and examining my shoes. “Lift up your feet one at a time,” he ordered. Not wanting to cause any trouble, I complied.
“Aha!” He said, looking at my feet, “I see blood.” He stared at my friends, “You two may leave. I just need Evanna to stay with me for a bit while I get this sorted.”
“Wait… You can’t detain her,” Joseph suddenly blurted, “It wasn’t Eve sir. I blinded Tommy. When she was dancing he was looking at her kind of weirdly so in my drunken stupidity I kicked him in the face. He was bleeding all over the floor. It must’ve gotten on her shoes.”
“Those better have been some sick dance moves,” The cop said disapprovingly.
“Ha…yeah you should’ve seen her,” Joey said smiling.
The cop handcuffed Joey and lead him out of the room. My heart raced as watched my best friend pay the price for the crime that I had committed.
The End