Our narrator has made several redactions, including her name, in this audio to protect her and her family’s identities. “A” speaks quickly and with great conviction. She discusses her experience in foster care and as well as her experiences and opinions on traditional healthcare systems.
“I don’t think people should trust hospitals. I– I don’t think people should trust hospitals because they are not out for the people’s best interests. It– the only way that the hospital is out for your best interest is if your money gets their attention. That’s when they interested in helpin’ you out for real. Especially when anything serious goin’ on. As long as you got some wealth? You could basically– if you want the best– I guess they sayin’, if you want the best treatment? You gotta have that kind of money.”
ANNOTATIONS
Transcript: “Uh, that’s, that’s a lot to do. And just being alienated. Alienated, um. Being embarrassed in front of my friends, then having [redacted] hit me. Go in, in my room and pull my hair and throw me here and throw me there and then go outside and tell my friends what [redacted] did to me. So [redacted] can get an excitement out of their facial expressions, to scare them and make [redacted] ego, feed it. Overfeed it. Okay. That takes a toll on you.”
Learn More: “About CAPTA: A Legislative History” (Children’s Bureau: Child Welfare Information Gateway, 2019).
Learn More [2]: Sarah Catherine Williams, “State-Level Data for Understanding Child Welfare in the United States,” Child Trends, February 28, 2022.
Learn More [3}: “Child Maltreatment,” World Health Organization, September 19, 2022.
Learn More [4]: “New Jersey,” U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: Administration for Children and Families, 2021.
Transcript: “Because some, um, foster homes are temporary and some of them are not available. Some of ‘em are here or there. If they can’t find one for you, you gotta sit at the DYFS office. If they don’t have one for you? They gotta put you in a place. [scoff] Even if you ain’t nothin’ psychiatric wrong with you? They will move– they will take you temporarily to a, you know, psychiatric hospital out of the state because they couldn’t find you a temporary, um, home. I even witnessed that. I woke up in the mornin’ and there was a new resident there that wasn’t there when I got there. And it was an African girl. Her parents brought her on a boat. They, one said they was goin’ to the bathroom. Then come that one didn’t come back. The father still was, he said, ‘Let me go look for your mother.’ She was left. She was distraught. That’s what I heard as soon as I woke up, because I didn’t even know who that was. But. That– that right there is, you know, somethin’ else. Then to find temporary, um, foster homes. You comin’ across all these different people that you don’t know how they gonna treat you. Um, and, a new place? You could never get used to bein’ in somewhere and just, [breath] exhale, it’s like, ‘Okay, I can, I can,’ you know, ‘relax now.’ No! You gotta– you always gotta worry about what’s the next move. Um, uh, to go on different– to different temporary homes, then you might have what you– whatever you want. But you still have an emptiness there because who– you’re used to who you– who you were around.”
Learn More: “ASFA; Adoption and Safe Families Act Overview,” AFFCNY (blog), October 20, 1999.
Learn More [3}: “Charlie and Nadine H. v. Christie: U.S. District Court: The District of New Jersey Fact Sheet” (Children’s Rights, August 4, 1999).
Learn More [4]: “Child Welfare Outcomes Report Data: Outcome 6: Placement Stability,” Children’s Bureau, accessed November 4, 2022.
Transcript: “Yeah. Even when I’m getting’ tattoos, I, I have a family member do it ‘cause he’s got his own shop? But I– my cousin just be like, you know, ‘I have grown men that come in here, they play football. They be screamin’.’ I’m sittin’ there like. And he like, ‘You better than these grown men. They come in here, they be cryin’.’ I’m, I’m, ‘this hurts.’ And I’m eatin’ a donut while he’s doin’ his knuckles and I’m eatin’ a donut, typin’ up Instagram, puttin’ up my post. ‘Cause I’ve been through so much pain, that doesn’t matter to me. I don’t– I feel it! I’m not in, you know, emotionless, I can’t feel anything! But. So much pain, it’s just like, ‘Okay. What’s so different about this pain? It all hurts!’ So, I’m able to sit there and just, ‘Okay,’ and concentrate.”
Learn More: Sandra Knispel, “Suicide Risk in Abused Teen Girls Linked to Mother-Daughter Conflict,” University of Rochester: News Center (blog), October 18, 2018.
Learn More [2]: Katherine King Psy. D., “Understanding the Long Shadow of Trauma,” Psychology Today, April 30, 2019.
Learn More [3}: “Long-Term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect,” Children’s Bureau: Child Welfare Information Gateway, April 2019.
Transcript: “Um, I don’t wanna, I don’t, not because of the past, but I don’t want to call it a relationship because I feel like, [chuckles] there still has not been one built! But I’m still willing to, um, communicate because of my maturity level. I– I– I’m over what took place. I forgave. Um, so I can– I’m always open to build, but that’s, you know, a team effort, and I can put my 100% in but I– ‘cause I don’t believe in the 50/50 rule. You’re a whole person. And I can put in 100%, but if you’re not gonna give me 100%, then that’s already a one way street. So I’m just gonna hit my head trying. So, you know, I look at it like this: I’m not gonna chase what I want. I’ma let what I want chase me. And if it’s meant, it will. Because when you need money, if you chasin’ after money, it, it seems like it just keep avoidin’ you, right? Alright! Well, [clap] I’m just gon’ let it, whatever’s meant for me was for me, gon’ be for me, but. It’s just crazy, um, ironically that, [clap] we still reside in the same complex! But see, this time? It’s mine. It’s mine! I get on the floor, and I’ll be like, ‘Lord, thank you that I don’t live with [them]!’ Um, [they] live literally two minutes down the sidewalk in another building. It feels like I live in California and [they] live in Jersey. That’s the feel, how far it feel. Um, uh, my childhood was bad there. Um, a lot of bad memories. But! I’m just using the scenery, the familiar scenery of memories as a– just look at each thing and appreciate it and– and let it heal me.”
Learn More: Abdulaziz Al Odhayani, William J. Watson, and Lindsay Watson, “Behavioural Consequences of Child Abuse,” Canadian Family Physician 59, no. 8 (August 2013): 831–36.
Learn More [2]: Katherine King Psy. D., “Understanding the Long Shadow of Trauma,” Psychology Today, April 30, 2019.
Learn More [3}: Tahmine Bahmani, Nazia Sadat Naseri, and E. Fariborzi, “Relation of Parenting Child Abuse Based on Attachment Styles, Parenting Styles, and Parental Addictions,” Current Psychology, January 4, 2022.
Transcript: “But I knew I still had– the appointment wasn’t coming just yet. I still had, like, two and a half more weeks until I went to get’m pulled. That’s all they had available. So I had to go to the emergency room.”
Learn More: “2017: Survey of Physician Appointment Wait Times and Medicare and Medicaid Acceptance Rates” (Merrit Hawkins, 2017).
Learn More [2]: “Practice Leaders Report Their Biggest Challenges with Appointments Are No-Shows and Appointment Availability,” MGMA, October 3, 2017.
Learn More [3}: Alex Kuiper, Jeroen de Mast, and Michel Mandjes, “The Problem of Appointment Scheduling in Outpatient Clinics: A Multiple Case Study of Clinical Practice,” Omega, September 2019.
Transcript: “‘Okay, that’s an emergency. If it comes through here in the ambulance, it’s really an emergency, emergency.’ But for them to take me out and roll me on the stretcher and then throw me on the stretcher in the hallway to the side like that, I didn’t even get put- […] I didn’t even get put in– that was weird!”
Learn More: Elaine K. Howley, “Why Do I Have to Wait So Long to Be Seen in the Emergency Room?,” US News & World Report, October 26, 2018.
Learn More [2]: “Category Rankings by State,” America’s Emergency Care Environment, 2022.
Learn More [3}: “ER Inspector,” ProPublica, September 19, 2019.
Transcript: “Um, when they talk to you. Not just what they give you, and, you know, ring your vital and all of this or that but, um, how are you overall treating me? Are you treating me with respect? Are you talking to me with respect, or are you, when you touch my arm or somethin’, are you [slap] grabbin’ me or are you making sure you’re gentle or. And I feel like they don’t care. They don’t handle people with care.”
Learn More: Katrina Armstrong et al., “Racial/Ethnic Differences in Physician Distrust in the United States,” American Journal of Public Health 97, no. 7 (July 2007): 1283–89.
Learn More [2]: Elizabeth Nix, “Tuskegee Experiment: The Infamous Syphilis Study,” HISTORY, December 15, 2020.
Learn More [3}: Martha Hostetter and Klein, “Understanding and Ameliorating Medical Mistrust Among Black Americans,” The Commonwealth Fund, January 14, 2021.
Transcript: “I– I don’t think people should trust hospitals because they are not out for the people’s best interests. It– the only way that the hospital is out for your best interest is if your money gets their attention. That’s when they interested in helpin’ you out for real. Especially when anything serious goin’ on. As long as you got some wealth? You could basically– if you want the best– I guess they sayin’, if you want the best treatment? You gotta have that kind of money. Like, if you want– because all of these, all of these ailments and sicknesses and diseases? They all have cures. They have, but they’re telling you, ‘Oh, we don’t have it yet.’ It’s here! The reason they tellin’ people they don’t have it is because they can’t afford it anyway! If they told them the face value of how much it cost to get the cure, where you gettin’ that from? That’s gonna cause mass hysteria. People gon’ be robbin’ banks. Um, tryin’ to get the money. We got people out here, [clap] on the streets, sellin’ drugs. But the biggest drug dealers are the doctors!”
Learn More: Dan Simon, “Poverty Fact Sheet: Poor and In Poor Health” (Institute for Research on Poverty, n.d.).
Learn More [2]: Gay Becker and Edwina Newsom, “Socioeconomic Status and Dissatisfaction With Health Care Among Chronically Ill African Americans,” American Journal of Public Health 93, no. 5 (May 2003): 742–48.
Learn More [3}: Alvin Powell, “The Costs of Inequality: Money = Quality Health Care = Longer Life,” Harvard Gazette (blog), February 22, 2016.
Learn More [4}: Brittany Holom-Trundy, “New Jersey’s Uninsured: Getting the Garden State Covered,” New Jersey Policy Perspective (blog), November 11, 2021.
Transcript: “ I mean, ‘cause even if, you know they not wealthy, but they can afford, they can– they can afford to apply for something like, um, Medicaid or, you know, HMO. It’s still limited. It’s still limited. I don’t care if you, you know, you went to the dentist. If another issue comes, they basically tellin’ you, ‘Oh, you already went to the dentist this year. You can’t, because you got–’ you see what I’m sayin’? Like. It could be serious! ‘Okay, you have nerve problems. You have to take medicine for, you know, you get the shakes,’ they gotta give you CoJet in the summer. You just broke your glasses mistakenly. By mistake.”
Learn More: “New Jersey Residents Struggle to Afford High Healthcare Costs” (Altarum Healthcare Value Hub, August 2020).
Learn More [2]: Matt Broaddus and Leighton Ku, “Out-of-Pocket Medical Expenses for Medicaid Beneficiaries Are Substantial and Growing,” Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, May 31, 2005.
Learn More [3}: “NHE Fact Sheet,” cms.gov, 2021.
Transcript: “Um, you know what else I noticed? I noticed that, if you come in there, say you come there for, okay. Need antibiotics. You’re having some issues because of a fillin’ fallin’ out or whatever. Your cap fallin’ out. And it’s causin’ issues because food debris is getting in and causin’ infection. They will start to be like. They look at you first, and then they’re like, ‘Did you have sex this week?’ Um. […] When is the last time you had your menstrual? You know, that question, too. And then it’s like, ‘Um. Are you– Heterosexual? Or are you same-sex relationship? And– and did you– did you– when was the last time you had sex? Last night? Or today? When did you start feelin’ like that? Did you have sex after that? Or did you–’ What are you tryin’ to say? This has nothin’ to do with that! What are you? [laughs] Are you sure you supposed to be sayin’ it like that? Are you tryin’ to imply somethin’ here? Um. [pause] Yeah, that too.”
Learn More: Elizabeth N. Chapman, Anna Kaatz, and Molly Carnes, “Physicians and Implicit Bias: How Doctors May Unwittingly Perpetuate Health Care Disparities,” Journal of General Internal Medicine 28, no. 11 (November 2013): 1504–10.
Learn More [2]: Jenny Park et al., “Physician Use of Stigmatizing Language in Patient Medical Records,” JAMA Network Open 4, no. 7 (July 14, 2021).
Learn More [3}: Susan K. Livio, “Doctors, Nurses Will Have to Complete Bias Training to Help Reduce Alarming Death Rate among Black Mothers in N.J.,” nj.com, May 12, 2021.
Learn More [4]: “Infographic: Racial/Ethnic Disparities in Pregnancy-Related Deaths — United States, 2007–2016,” April 13, 2022.
TRANSCRIPT
Interview conducted by Jody Wood
New Brunswick, New Jersey
July 8, 2021
Transcription by Hannah M’Lynn
Annotations by Yingtong Li
[RECORDING ONE]
[00:00:00]
[shuffling] So, just keep’m in the back of my mind.
Yeah, just kind of keep those things in the back of your mind and– [pause] [shuffling] Just get the wheels turning if you’ve– if it triggers any, like, memories for you. But, um. But we’ll talk about hospitals in a little bit.
Okay.
But first, um, could you just say your first and last names so I can test the sound?
Okay. Um. My name is [redacted].
Okay, great, sounds pretty good. Um. Okay, could you say, could you, like, speak at your normal volume? Just tell me, like, what you had for breakfast, about your smoothie or something like that? Just so I can–
Um. I had some strawberries, some pineapples, some kiwis, two bottles of water.
[clicking as recorder is adjusted] [inaudible] Move it up a little bit– Okay, great! Okay. I think we’re good. Um. Okay, record now. Okay. So, could you tell me a little bit about– and by the way, you can look right at me instead of at the camera?
Okay.
It’s a little more natural, maybe?
Okay.
But, um, could you just tell me a little bit about, eh, about yourself, about your background, whatever you feel comfortable sharing. How you grew up?
I mean, anything, like, specific? Like, we–
Yeah! Where did you grow up? Were you growing up in New Jersey, or did you come here from somewhere else?
I’m born and raised in New Brunswick, New Jersey.
Yes, okay. And how, I don’t know how old you are, but how many years have you lived here, I guess, in total?
Well. Even though I was born and raised here, I moved around a lot. I moved to different places. But I– I came back a few times. And, yeah. So I’m back here now, but this is just like a little temporary, for now. I don’t know. Temporary means like, I don’t know, like, when I’m goin’ relocate, but for right now I’m not planning to stay here because for my career path. They don’t have enough, you know, venues and stuff out there for me. I have to always, my shows are always in New York or Philly or somewhere near New York. Like Paterson or Jersey City or Newark, or– But there’s nothing here for that type of stuff and– and if you are in a place like this, small town like this, you gotta create. Gotta create things, make things happen your way or you gonna be bored.
Can you tell me a little bit about your career aspirations?
[00:02:52]
Um, like what you mean? Like people, or?
No! Like, what do you– when you’re– when you think about, like, where you want to be in your career in, like, five years, where do you envision yourself? How do you envision your life to be?
Well, I see myself not livin’ here. I see myself in a bigger, um, home. Something bigger than I’ve ever had. Um, I see myself helpin’ people. People that, um, youth, the youth that’s goin’ through, you know, problems with their parents. Abuse. Emotional, physically, mentally. Um. People who are homeless, uh. Different situations, I feel like I should be able to help. I– I would help them. I would bless them. Um. And whatever I don’t see out here? This is a way that I will give back, for the things I don’t see out here. Here they have, you know, some– some places where they can eat. But these people are not only hungry, they’re also, um, misguided, misjudged, and they are not understood. [tsk] So I think I would– I would, you know, I would bless them. And I can see myself doin’ that. And I know I’m gonna be able to. You know? So I’m just– I guess God is just lettin’ me, you know, see. You know. Um, so I could, you know, have an idea of how I would go about it. And so I’ve already, like, worked it out in my mind, like. Okay. I’ma help! So.
What do you think gives you that passion to help other people who are in, especially in a situation of being misjudged and impoverished and homeless?
Uh. I, I just– ‘Cause I’m now, like, every– I’m not everybody else. And I’m– and I’m– I’m the one! I’m the one that’s supposed to. I’m– I’m the one that’s supposed to. So, other stuff that other people are not doing. It’s because it’s not supposed to be them. Um, I can talk to the people who have addictions on the street and– and have a full conversation with them. And I don’t feel funny talking to them, whether they’re white, Black, Spanish, Dominican. I don’t care what their race is, but I understand them. I understand these people. ‘Cause it’s either I been through one of those things or I have family members that they are no longer here but they had addictions. And I– I had to, you know, communicate with them, and they was family! So, but they still somebody. And they need help, and everybody didn’t always just, um, jump to a better situation. And somebody, everybody had some type of help. But somebody gotta be the one to help.
[00:06:10]
When you were a kid, were you kind of in the caretaker role in taking care of other adults or other family members when you were a kid?
[tsk] Um, well, no. I– I just– I was the first born, so. At first, it was me by myself for a while. But when my brother was born, I used to babysit him and stuff like that, but like, really taking on that role? No, I didn’t get the chance and, to do anything like that, but, growing up, like, having to grow up fast because of being put into the system, having to mature quick. To understand the world we was, you know, we’re livin’ in, even though the world we livin’ in now is worse than before when I was a teenager. But I’m thinking about all of the girls that get missin’, they can’t, you know. That could have happened! If that time was this time, that’ll be a greater chance for that to happen. But I– I’m just thankful that that did not happen. Constantly watchin’ your back, constantly worried about what’s gonna happen, constantly in situations where you cannot trust people, you don’t know what’s gonna take place. You’re young. You don’t have an adult figure that can put you on the right track, so basically you’re just learning from foolish mistakes of you not knowing. Because nobody’s guiding you. Um, and also, I– I wanna help these people because it– it is a very painful thing to feel like you’ve been forgotten. And then you have– you try to figure out everything on your own and put the pieces together. It’s like you gotta, it feels like you’re putting yourself back together without knowin’ how. So that could take a very long time. Um. [tsk] But once you do it, then you’ll be able to help other people. So, it’s not easy.
And you had to do that at a really young age. You had to kind of figure the pieces up. Can you talk a little bit about entering into the foster system and the circumstances around that if you don’t mind?
[cough] Yeah, I don’t mind. Um. [tsk] Well, for me to be in a situation like that, I know I was very young, okay? Um, I was about to turn 13. I– I was 12, and you know about turning 13, but, um, just going, what– what was taking place before I got there. It was a lot of emotional abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse that I wasn’t really, a lot didn’t really know about, but I had a friend that knew. And one day, I came to school, and that was the last time they saw me, only to go to family court and [redacted] was makin’ it like “ooo,” and it was just a lot of things that were left out that they did not know.
[00:08:59]
But the stuff was taking place. Uh, but to come there to another place where it’s a bunch of kids going through these things that you’re going through or may be worse? And to see, “Okay, they might be going through worse than me, but their family is coming up here to visit them, to talk to them, to take them out for a few hours, givin’ them food. Bringin’ them stuff. They were comin’ and goin’. These people were going through whatever they were going through, but they were leavin’, and I was the only one that wasn’t leavin’. So. [tsk] Um. It felt weird! And it hurt. So, I was like, “You know what? I’m convinced. I’m convinced. Nobody don’t care about me. They don’t want me. Because if they did, I would see some of these things happenin’ for me. But what’s so different about me?” And so, that just set me off on a whole ‘nother level. ‘Cause I didn’t care then. I was like, “Okay. Nobody cares, then I’mma just do whatever. Since nobody cares.” Um, and then tryin’ to figure out where you could go. Because some, um, foster homes are temporary and some of them are not available. Some of ‘em are here or there. If they can’t find one for you, you gotta sit at the DYFS office. If they don’t have one for you? They gotta put you in a place. [scoff] Even if you ain’t nothin’ psychiatric wrong with you? They will move– they will take you temporarily to a, you know, psychiatric hospital out of the state because they couldn’t find you a temporary, um, home. I even witnessed that. I woke up in the mornin’ and there was a new resident there that wasn’t there when I got there. And it was an African girl. Her parents brought her on a boat. They, one said they was goin’ to the bathroom. Then come that one didn’t come back. The father still was, he said, “Let me go look for your mother.” She was left. She was distraught. That’s what I heard as soon as I woke up, because I didn’t even know who that was. But. That– that right there is, you know, somethin’ else. Then to find temporary, um, foster homes. You comin’ across all these different people that you don’t know how they gonna treat you. Um, and, a new place? You could never get used to bein’ in somewhere and just, [breath] exhale, it’s like, “Okay, I can, I can,” you know, “relax now.” No! You gotta– you always gotta worry about what’s the next move. Um, uh, to go on different– to different temporary homes, then you might have what you– whatever you want. But you still have an emptiness there because who– you’re used to who you– who you were around. You’re thinkin’ about them and then, “Okay, well this is my parent and why am I here?”
[00:12:05]
So. It’s a lot of confusion for someone growin’ up like that. Especially a girl. ‘Cause you need some type of, you know, female figure. Whether it’s a big sister, a mother figure or some type of counselor. Because DYFS workers, they only do certain things, and they’re not gonna sit there and coach you on. Unless they take a real deep liking or caring for you? But, even in the programs. You lucky if you come across a staff that really care about you, that really coach you on. Because most of ‘em? They there [clap] for the paycheck. When they’re there, they don’t care about you then. They just worried about the paycheck. They don’t care if you succeed in life or not. They don’t care if you get better or come back. And that’s it. Um. You gotta learn to live in peace with people, too, ‘cause look, everybody is a family. I feel like we’re all family on this earth. But everybody does not see it like that. I feel like you should leave peaceable with people. When you growin’ up in these– these programs and systems, y’all is a family right now. If your family threw you into there with them? You– all y’all got is each other! Y’all might not know each other. But y’all now as a family. Y’all gotta stick together. And, mm mm. Some people don’t look at it like that, ‘cause they’ll be like, or they’ll find reasons that they don’t like each other, or it’ll be. But that’s anywhere. But I felt like that was just givin’ me a brief, you know, scenario of what the world is really like, once I was in those places with, you know, other kids, going through stuff like me. And, psh. It’s very scary. Um, yeah, it is.
Yeah, did you– I guess, as a kid, did you have a sense that, any kind of sense that these systems that you were in could be different or is it just kind of like, “This is what it is and I’m surviving right now,” or did you have a sense that, “This isn’t fair that the system is like this?”
[cough] I thought it wasn’t fair because, ah, the way I was lookin’ at it was, “Okay. They’re hearing what [redacted] said.” But it’s sort of like, how could a 12-year-old know what they talkin’ bout? What do they know? Why should we believe a child over an adult? So it was like, no win. [pause]
[00:14:56]
Yeah, it’s no win. It was like no win, because I’m like, if they knew, like, the other part. [Redacted] would be goin’ to jail! And havin’ to jump out of second floor windows just to get away from the abuse, like, jumping– I could have broken my legs! Okay, trying to get away from that. Um. [tsk] You know, when someone, okay, you got a parent, they’re strict with you. But some parents, they, they, they do a little too much. You’re strippin’ me away from people. You don’t want me talkin’ to nobody. You, the only thing I do have is the little bit of stuff in my room, and when I clean it up, you’re swipin’ it down, tellin’ me to clean it up. You callin’ me names, um. All because of self-hatred and a relationship that didn’t work out between [redacted]. And then, some people just traumatized by events in their life that they– they have not been healed from, so they will handle you a certain way because of that. And if you remind them of anybody that they hate. Like, [redacted], rest in peace [redacted], they were married. They divorced. That’s, I look like [them], so. That didn’t work out. I’m just a constant reminder of that and then, you know, and so forth. Um. But jumpin’ out of a window with no fear. I think, not having fear is why my ankles didn’t break. I feel like that’s why they didn’t. I landed on my feet. My ankles did not snap. Um. [pause] Uh, that’s, that’s a lot to do. And just being alienated. Alienated, um. Being embarrassed in front of my friends, then having [redacted] hit me. Go in, in my room and pull my hair and throw me here and throw me there and then go outside and tell my friends what [redacted] did to me. So [redacted] can get an excitement out of their facial expressions, to scare them and make [redacted] ego, feed it. Overfeed it. Okay. That takes a toll on you. But it also is attached to your strength later, when you, when you finally do heal. You gon’ be so strong that people just gon’ know [clap] you’re strong. ‘Cause they wouldn’t, don’t know what they would do. [clap]
Wow, so when you jumped out of– you jumped out of a twelve-story window?
No, it was, it was just, like, second floor.
Second floor window?
Yes.
To get away from [redacted] abuse? And what happened to you after you got out the window? Like, what took place next?
Well, when I jumped out the window, I landed on my feet. At the time, [redacted] was still living. Um, in the apartment complex where I was residin’. [They] lived in another building.
[00:18:02]
So I went over there to let [them] know. [They] called the police. I went to a classmate’s house, where she knew– that was the one I would tell everything to and the only one I trusted. That happened to be the one that [redacted] was like, “Oh, that’s not your friend.” But that’s the one that never opened her mouth about what anything I was talkin’ ‘bout or anything personal to me. And she was there for me! Um, she didn’t judge me. She kept anything we talked about confidential. She showed that she was a friend because she was supportive. Um, but her mother tried to mediate for what was going on. She was trying to talk to [redacted] nicely, like, “Just let her,” you know, “spend the night for the night, ‘cause you know, things are a little, and I don’t want, you know, you to hurt her and I don’t want anything to happen. So, you know where she is, she’s right here.” [Redacted] was like, “Okay.” These people came, these police came, they came flashin’ lights over me, and it was like, “Come on.” I went back home, but I still had to leave again, because, it just wasn’t a place that I was supposed to be. So, out of chaos, um, it– it’s like the chaos was the wind that blew me into another direction that I thought was a bad direction, but actually was protection for me. And for [them]. And so, then I did not see it like that, but now I see that [clap] it was actually some protection. That was a new beginning for me, even though that was an ending. That was still a new beginning for me because, I pay attention to the numbers and everything. Um, of everything that ever took place, uh. It was an “H” on our door. I was goin’ through hell. Hell! Like, fire is hot. I’m goin’ through hell with a H on the door, that, the place ain’t on fire, [truck backing up beeping in background] but I’m jumpin’ out the window like it is. Um. The next time I came back, we was just only there for temporary because, you know, they was movin’ us to another unit. By the– by the time I was back in [their] house again, it was a seven, and A, both me and my brother’s names starts with A, and seven is completion. Comp– completion. Um. And that was the last time I ever lived with [them], when we went to 7-A. I believed the number said “Completion [clap] for [redacted] ever bein’ with you ever again. This is it. That’s it. That’s it.” And I never went back to, uh, live with [them] ever again after that. Um.
Do you have any kind of– I’m just gonna switch the battery here, we’re losing battery. But do you, um, the next I’m just gonna ask if you have any kind of relationship with your [inaudible, shuffling]
[00:21:03]
This, this is where.
And I’m also curious if [they] ever been [inaudible, shuffling]
I– I believe that there’s somethin’ there that could, but if you say that to [them]? Mhm. [They’ll] get very defensive, [they’ll] deny it. I tried to bring [redacted] into a session before, but [they] couldn’t. [They] couldn’t do it.
I mean, that reminds me of things I’ve heard about almost sociopathic and narcissism.
Yes!
You know? A little bit. It’s like, yeah, it just sounds like it. [pause] Man, that’s so tough for a kid, too. Like, you’re defenseless, you know.
Yeah. Very, very much.
Okay, we’re back on with the battery. Um. Well, so, do you have any kind of contact with [redacted] now, or have you spoken to [them], have any sort of relationship with [them]?
Well, I will say that we communicate. You know, but it’s not very– Often. Um, I don’t wanna, I don’t, not because of the past, but I don’t want to call it a relationship because I feel like, [chuckles] there still has not been one built! But I’m still willing to, um, communicate because of my maturity level. I– I– I’m over what took place. I forgave. Um, so I can– I’m always open to build, but that’s, you know, a team effort, and I can put my 100% in but I– ‘cause I don’t believe in the 50/50 rule. You’re a whole person. And I can put in 100%, but if you’re not gonna give me 100%, then that’s already a one way street. So I’m just gonna hit my head trying. So, you know, I look at it like this: I’m not gonna chase what I want. I’ma let what I want chase me. And if it’s meant, it will. Because when you need money, if you chasin’ after money, it, it seems like it just keep avoidin’ you, right? Alright! Well, [clap] I’m just gon’ let it, whatever’s meant for me was for me, gon’ be for me, but. It’s just crazy, um, ironically that, [clap] we still reside in the same complex! But see, this time? It’s mine. It’s mine! I get on the floor, and I’ll be like, “Lord, thank you that I don’t live with [them]!” Um, [they] live literally two minutes down the sidewalk in another building. It feels like I live in California and [they] live in Jersey. That’s the feel, how far it feel. Um, uh, my childhood was bad there. Um, a lot of bad memories. But! I’m just using the scenery, the familiar scenery of memories as a– just look at each thing and appreciate it and– and let it heal me. By it takin’ me back to a familiar place while I’m in the present. Because of where I’m about to go. This is just transition–
[00:24:11]
Um. [pause] And when it’s time to, you know, go to the next level? I’m not gonna look back. I’m not gonna forget. But I’m not gonna look back, because there’s nothin’ to look back for because what is has happened, has occurred, has happened? You can’t redo the past. Um, you can’t change what happened or what you did, but you can change what you do next and that’s it! So. [church bell tolls] This always happens when I’m talkin’ like this! It be somethin’ like, it be a horn or I’m in the video and I, my words! It was written on a completely different day. I said, “New dimensional places invading on time. I have my back to the scenery and a train was comin’ right through!” You, you can’t! The video didn’t do that. That– that was– it– it be a plane or somethin’ over me right in the midst, whatever I’m sayin’, it’s in sync with me, all, everything!
Yeah! Do you think that means it’s telling you that you’re on the path you need to be on?
Yes! [clap] I believe it! I believe it. Like, if I say the most, like, the most important thing of all. It– it– it– the whole thing be important, my message, my delivery be– be good. But that one thing out of everything that was like the icing? It’ll be a horn. It’ll– a different bird will land and chirp differently than all the other birds, and I’m like, I’m on the right track and then some car on the highway say “vrmmm!” Like that! Like that! It just happens all the time! And that’s powerful to me! It’s powerful. It feel good, too. I– but– but in order to– to experience on that level, you can’t have no negative thoughts. No doubts. Um, and I think that’s– that’s a very good thing, to be in tune with environment when my childhood was bad. I can still experience that and I know, that’s how I know I’m on the right track. ‘Cause that’s right where everything happened, and where I currently stay. That’s where it all happened at. The window I jumped out of, that happened down there. Everything! I tried to kill myself when I was 7 years old. I thought, ‘cause, [they] were, you know, hittin’ me a lot! And I thought as a kid, I thought in order for you to die, you had to pack your bag. You had to pack your bag to die. So that’s what I did! I started packin’ my bag.
[00:27:03]
It was my camp bag, ‘cause I used to go to camp every summer. And it just happened to have a hole in it so it left a trail. So when [they] were looking for me, [they] knew which way to follow ‘cause the underwear had my name on it. Now, [redacted] also was livin’ there, but something happened to [them] before I was born. Um, they tried to kill [them]. And [they] used to be a singer. And [they] never were the same after they did that, but, but, but it didn’t kill [them], but it messed [them] up for life. So when [they] saw me, [they] didn’t realize what was goin’ on. [They] was schizophrenic so [they] saw me goin’ to the highway to kill myself, but [they] didn’t. [They] were standing right, probably [long horn honk in the distance] about fifteen feet away? [They] was lookin’ at me, but it didn’t register to [them]. And then I was lookin’ at [them], like. Ain’t this [redacted] right here? Alright, I might as well just go on it. Know what I’m sayin’? But then, when I got across, it was a strip in the middle. And somebody was like, “Cross back! Across the street!” And I was just like, “Well, I’m ready to go.” And they was like, “You? Go? Where is your parents?” But it cleared up after that. All the cars went by and then they got past. Then the light turned red, there was no more cars. So I turned back around, and by the time I turned around, [redacted] was comin’. And, but, I was already talkin’ to the superintendent, but he wanted me to sit there for a while. He was tellin’ [them] to stop, you know, hitting me like that! That was an argument. And even after that I was still getting abused verbally. I wish I never had you, callin’ me, you know, female dogs, um. Pulled my hair. Um. [pause] Yeah, somethin’, it was a lot of stuff. But, I guess this is why my skin is tough the way it is. So that kind of helped me out. But you gotta just understand what gave you strength. Any– any pain that you get it attached to strength. Um, I also learned that, to let, to get pain out of you, you– Crying is important. Crying is important, sweatin’ is important. Work out. Cry. Um. [pause] Tattoos make you bleed! [clap] Blood, sweat, and tears is pain leavin’ the body. I just keep that in mind as well. Um. [pause] You cry, when I cry, when I used to cry, I, I just drink more water after that. But I done lost so many people that cryin’, plus the background, it’s not now any, from pain. It’s from laughin’ too hard.
[00:30:03]
Um. My father, is, I think the reason why I can’t really cry, like, like everybody else. I cry so much that, by the time my grandmother, his mother died on my birthday? I was already just standin’ over her and I was like, “Well, I feel my eyes hot. The back of my ears and my throat is closin’ up like that’s, that’s what lets me know I’m gonna cry, but no tears.” Um, that’s when I just knew that [clap], I thought somethin’ was wrong with me because of that, and thought maybe that was some over damage. But I was just told that that was just, that was you being emotionally, not numb but cried out. So. [pause]
Yeah, you didn’t have any tears left to cry.
Yeah. Even when I’m getting’ tattoos, I, I have a family member do it ‘cause he’s got his own shop? But I– my cousin just be like, you know, “I have grown men that come in here, they play football. They be screamin’.” I’m sittin’ there like. And he like, “You better than these grown men. They come in here, they be cryin’.” I’m, I’m, “this hurts.” And I’m eatin’ a donut while he’s doin’ his knuckles and I’m eatin’ a donut, typin’ up Instagram, puttin’ up my post. ‘Cause I’ve been through so much pain, that doesn’t matter to me. I don’t– I feel it! I’m not in, you know, emotionless, I can’t feel anything! But. So much pain, it’s just like, “Okay. What’s so different about this pain? It all hurts!” So, I’m able to sit there and just, “Okay,” and concentrate. I know that the outcome is gonna be beautiful and what I want, so, okay. I’ll go through, endure the pain ‘cause I know that once the rain is over, the sun comin’? That means it gon’ be hell, it’s gonna be nice and I– I like what I see.
Yeah, the pain is for a– a greater purpose.
Yeah. So. You can ask me whatever, ‘cause.
Okay! Yeah, I think so, now that I know a little bit about where you came from and, and your background, I wanna talk a little bit about your experience within, kind of, healthcare? And then I’m gonna move into how you personally take to heal yourself, and–
Okay.
How you, like, work health into your life. Your philosophy on that. But first, um, are there– do you remember any experiences you had with the healthcare system or hospital or the mental health system?
Um. [pause] Besides the car accident?
Yeah.
Yes.
We’ll talk about that, too, yeah.
There was a time where. This was before I got all four of my wisdom teeth pulled out. I had a, uh. It was botherin’ me! It was hurtin’. And then I started to see, I said, “Uh, it’s startin’ to get puffy over here. I’m gon’ need to go to the emergency room so they can give me something,” because I had already set my appointment
[00:33:16]
But I knew I still had– the appointment wasn’t coming just yet. I still had, like, two and a half more weeks until I went to get’m pulled. That’s all they had available. So I had to go to the emergency room. But the part I didn’t like was this. I was mishandled, okay? I’m sittin’ in there. And so the woman, she has her gloves and whatever and she’s checkin’ my mouth. And so, it’s hurtin’ so bad that when she told me to open my mouth, I did, and then she was like, “You bit me!” [pause] She, ‘cause she was in there, she was like, “Close your mouth a little bit,” and I– I– I– I knew I couldn’t put force because it was already hurtin’, but she was like, “You bit me.” And I was like, “Uh, it wasn’t even not like that.” And then, it just went left and, because after that, she walked out and then had other people that had nothin’ to with her come in. They were just walkin’ past lookin’ at me. So she went and told them something. ‘Cause how they all know to come look at me? So then this man, uh, I think he was like a cleanup guy? Janitor? He came and he was like, “What’s goin’ on?” I was like, “Why are you in here? Are you gettin’ the trash?” Like, he wasn’t, the trash cans are empty! “Why are you in here?” I knew she said somethin’. I said, “But this is nothin– this is not anything to do. Why are you asking me personal information and– and questions like that?” And so he went up on to get security. I said, “You know what, I‘m getting discharged anyway, I’m leavin’.” But she really said I bit her. I didn’t bite her! I was doin’ what she asked me to do. And I guess she didn’t wanna do it anyway, so. That contributed to her attitude towards me. And, maybe she ain’t wanna come to work that day, maybe she had a bad day, you know. Sometimes I don’t try to take it too personal with people. ‘Cause sometimes, people be goin’ through different stuff. They will take it out on you if they don’t know how to deal with it. So, I– I know that. That was another time that I had, I think I was mishandled.
Yeah. I kind of remember– it reminds me of what you were talking about when you were a kid, that nobody was listening to you, no one was believing you, people were believing the person who was older, the authority figure, and then this circumstance, it kind of sounds similar. Like.
Yeah! Like, I don’t mean to jump subject, but that happens, uh, to a lot of people in different, um, volumes. Volumes of different levels!
[00:36:00]
Like. Okay, you can have some very rude neighbors. And, regardless to, you know, you got tattoos and you, you know, you’re a rapper or whatever. If you be truthful with people, they think you lyin’. If you lie to them, they believe it. I didn’t wanna make nothin’ personal with these people, so I went to the people in charge. I’m like, “Look. They’re banging, they’re cursin’, they’re– they’re very, very disruptive and they’re bringin’ up to my unit!” “Oh, you’re gonna have to call the police.” Alright! I was– I refuse to take matters into my own hands. I called the police. Do you know, after I was instructed from the landlord to do that? Because the landlord was discriminating because they were Spanish just like her. She– she was like, “I don’t believe that.” She took their side. I made sure I took dates and documents of everything but they started to evict me for handlin’ things right! They were trying to put fear in me, for me to leave, to make it look like I was the bad guy but there was no record of these allegations that they did try to make on me. And so they went through the process of evicting me! But I knew I wasn’t getting evicted ‘cause I didn’t break the law. I didn’t take no matters into my own hands. I knew I wasn’t goin’ nowhere. So after they have the sheriff come bring the paper, I took the paper from him. I never had a conversation. I gave him deep eye contact. I spinned around, I closed the door. He stayed out there, I guess he said, “Oh, she isn’t comin’ back out.” Okay. Whatever. That’s the last I heard of it. I never seen a court notice. They moved out secretly to another building. And the landlord that’s still there, it’s like, she’s extra, you know, kind to me. And I, um, I’m still, I was still payin’ my rent. That’s my– my faith still in action. Like, I know I ain’t do nothin’, so I’m still gonna pay my rent, [clap] [clap] I’m still gonna take care of my business even though she has bad judgement. I’m still gonna handle her with care and respect and they lookin’ at me like, ‘cause it appears I could be the bad guy because of the way y’all are lookin’ at my exterior. But– so it’ll throw people off if you handle it somethin’ the way they didn’t expect you to so they like. “I thought this person woulda done this because of this, this, and that.” But no, that’s not how it happened. I’m good as long as I don’t got nothin’ to worry about! No charges, no nothin’. So, it’s alright, but I stayed in the good posture. So you could think logically. Because it will work out for you.
That’s really smart, yeah. Yeah, that’s so interesting, that you kind of just stood your ground, and weren’t agitating the situation, but standing your ground. Is that what you did, like, how did you handle the hospital situation when they were all kind of ganging up against you, making up a rumor?
Um– I just took it as that woman needed somethin’ to talk about and to give her audience, to entertain her audience about what she been doin’. So what I took from it is, she’s the trouble maker of the shift. Probably wanting to be setting people up to get them fired, doin’ stuff to people, patients and things like that. Probably, you know, all kinds of stuff, who knows, but. Um, I took it as, this is just a set of people that are coming and examples of other people that I’m gonna come across.
[00:39:21]
That are not gonna be doctors and janitors and nurses. They’re just gonna be different people with the same agenda. With different names. [tsk] Different career path. Um. Different faces and familiar spirits. That’s how I look at it.
Do you feel like a hospital has a responsibility to its patients so they’re not treated like that?
Um. I think they should because they are a place that’s supposed to take care of you. Uh, they should be handling you with care, then. But. Yeah. Yeah, they– they should handle you with care. Because, handling the hospital is what’s supposedly cares for you, right? Gets you back 100, you know? They– they– they bandage you back up and you–you good to go. So I think that, besides that stuff, it should come out of they, um, how they’re, you know. How is it comin’ out their character? It’s when they speak to you and they handle you. Um, when they talk to you. Not just what they give you, and, you know, ring your vital and all of this or that but, um, how are you overall treating me? Are you treating me with respect? Are you talking to me with respect, or are you, when you touch my arm or somethin’, are you [slap] grabbin’ me or are you making sure you’re gentle or. And I feel like they don’t care. They don’t handle people with care. ‘Cause I’ve seen them do stuff with older people that really need them! And they have been very rude, because they remind them of someone in their family or something. And they just. But there’s some people who’re just wicked. They don’t have a good heart! They’re evil. I feel like this, these hospitals? When it comes to like, somethin’ real serious? I feel like– I feel like you only have a chance to live as if you’re wealthy. I feel like you got a chance to live longer and actually be saved every, you know, if you wealthy. That’s the only way they’ll really take care of you. If it’s money in your background. But if not? They usually run the same line down to people, like. “Oh, there’s nothing more we could do.” The reason why there’s nothing more that y’all can do is because they do not have the correct funds.
[00:42:00]
For you to do what, whatever you can. But if they had the funds? You wouldn’t be sayin’, “There’s nothing more that we can do.” And I think, you know, everybody deserves to live. It shouldn’t matter if you got enough money. This– this economy is not even messed up. They are rich! They are rich! They got enough money to put every homeless person in their own place. Um, nobody should need anything. Everybody could be an entrepreneur, how much money they got? They can send two, three billion over to another country and it still be tons and tons and tons, and they make more money, add them in! And then they get rid of the old money! So, I don’t see no way that the money is gone, or it’s a bad economy. I feel like it’s only a bad economy because of certain things, they don’t wanna have the responsibility to do, they don’t wanna put the money into. They’ll put money into more jails and, [clap] um. Put money [clap] into bringing, um, ghost guns on the street. Um, put money into poisonin’ us in our food. It’s– it’s in everything we use, what we put on our skin and the tap water. [cough] Um, everything! So I feel like they put more money into destroying us, and then say that our economy is bad, and it’s always a negotiate– a negotiation about how they gonna help people. When they could help.
What do you think about the argument that a hospital doesn’t have enough money to stay open if they offer care for people who can’t afford it? What do you think about that argument?
I feel like that’s their way of saying we don’t wanna, um, help those people because they’re contaminated. We don’t wanna be no where around them. That’s too many people, they feel like that’s too many people, they feel like, “Oh, I’m in danger, that’s too many people. I’m putting my life on the line.” Um. No tellin’ what they got. They don’t wanna be around it! Um, and they know that that’s a lot of people that’s not wealthy. Um. [pause] I mean, ‘cause even if, you know they not wealthy, but they can afford, they can– they can afford to apply for something like, um, Medicaid or, you know, HMO. It’s still limited. It’s still limited. I don’t care if you, you know, you went to the dentist. If another issue comes, they basically tellin’ you, “Oh, you already went to the dentist this year. You can’t, because you got–” you see what I’m sayin’? Like. It could be serious! “Okay, you have nerve problems. You have to take medicine for, you know, you get the shakes,” they gotta give you CoJet in the summer. You just broke your glasses mistakenly. By mistake.
[00:45:22]
Oh well! That was your pair of glasses for this year. You just gon’ have to not see nothin’
[laughs]
See, it’s crazy, right! But I– I just see all this stuff, and. [pause] I don’t know. It’s just so many things, like. What else, you want me to just?
Well, like, do you think– I’m really curious, because, do you think that some of the treatment you’ve had in hospitals that were, like, people, A. Not believing you, or B. Not giving you the proper care, or C. the thing you were talking about, the– with the car accident, just sitting in the corner. Do you think that this treatment you’ve experienced, mistreatment you’ve experienced, has to do with how you look, you– you know, your tattoos, you know, big black, like, or do you think it has to do with not being wealthy? Like, do you think that–
I think it’s both.
Okay.
I think it’s the best of the both of those things, ‘cause I was, like, thinking to myself. But if I came from a, like, I went to an expensive school. And I came in there and I wasn’t this color and I was a cheerleader. And my head was half gone, and this was. They would have– if I came in there in my, my. [tsk] My– my outfit ‘cause I’m valedictorian. But that happened after I left the event or something, or I was at a bar mitzva, or was my sweet sixteen or somethin’. And I wasn’t black, they would, I feel like they wouldn’t have done that. I– I feel like, you know, it was a mixture of both. I feel like they already knew, like, from looking at me, “Oh, we know what kind of coverage that person has.” Uh. “Take your time, but not too long. With you, you know what they got already.” Um. Just imagine the conversations that you hear, like, that they have! Before they even get to you! ‘Cause you know there’s seven people walk past and they take a glance at you already. And then you wind up seein’ one of the ones that glanced at you, one of the ones that come in there with a clipboard. And they’re talkin’ to you. Um. [pause] And this is why you gotta care for yourself anyway, because, look, car accident? They, you comin’ out your clothes. So I hope you took a bath. You showered, got clean drawers on, socks, all that. Ah, I was like. “I’m so glad! [laughs] That I don’t gotta worry about this!” There was this– this one nurse, though. She was very nice.
[00:48:00]
I didn’t, I saw her? She had to bring the bowl for me, ‘cause I had to, you know, I had to use the bathroom, I had to pee. And she brung it for me. When I saw that lady? It was somethin’ different about this lady. I don’t know where she went, but I saw her, and I did not see her for the rest of the time. I did not see her.
Which lady?
It was a lady that, you know, ‘cause when I had to use the bathroom and I had this on my neck. And then they had this thing on my, you know, flat. And I– she had to lift me up and put the bowl, and I– and it felt weird. ‘Cause that, that’s the first time I ever experienced that, anything like that. And that was like, this lady, she had a good spirit. She smiled. We didn’t have a conversation. I– I was able to connect into her eyes like this. And then she just said one thing, and she was like, “You gon’ be alright. Don’t worry.” And she left. She had to wipe me and everything and then. She left, and I asked’m I was like, “Where is the lady? The one that came with the bowl?” And it was like. Didn’t nobody come in here! There– there was no one that came! And I said, “Yes, they did! Because I had to use the bathroom!” [chuckles] And I know, I, I know what I saw. I know that I had a head injury, but I knew before I got there, I had to still pee-pee because right before the accident I had, you know, a lot of Hawaiian Punch. I had like four glasses of Hawaiian Punch right before that. So, immediately. Soon as I was put on that thing when the ambulance did show up, already had to use the bathroom. I was like, “I gotta go to the bathroom.” Um. But that happened, and I don’t know– I’m not gon’ say that I– I just know that I saw a lady. [pause] It was a lot takin’ place. It– it was. I told [redacted] where I was at. What just happened. And told [them] how severe it was, that I had glass in my head and blouse. You know, ‘cause that was like, in the very beginning when I got there. [They] was like, “um, I’m watchin’ TV. I will think about it.” Never came. [cough] Excuse me. Um. So, it’s a lot of different types of pain. It was that pain. The phone call type of pain, that– And then havin’ everybody, ‘cause. I never tried to be popular, but everybody know me! Um. And so there was people callin’ up the hospitals. I never knew that they liked me, or wanted to date me or anything! They all was callin’ the hospital! It was like right after [redacted] said, “I’ll think about it,” then I seen a flood of other people callin’ me that, callin’ up there to try and see if I was alright ‘cause somebody told them somethin’ else.
[00:51:02]
You know. Somethin’ that they don’t even know what they was talkin’ about, but I was still alive. They told’m somethin’ else. Um. But it’s just. I– I feel like on any type of level, that the system is not designed for, um, people who are lower class. ‘Cause they try to tell you, if you don’t have this much money, you can’t get a record deal. Or if you don’t have this much money, you can’t start a business. Or, if you don’t have this type of money, you’ll never be able to buy a house or, you’ll never, uh– It’s a lot of stuff. [pause] So whatever, whatever, just keep’m comin’, I– I–
Was there anything else on that list that you looked at that rang a bell, anything else that you’ve experienced in the hospital?
Um, you know what else I noticed? I noticed that, if you come in there, say you come there for, okay. Need antibiotics. You’re having some issues because of a fillin’ fallin’ out or whatever. Your cap fallin’ out. And it’s causin’ issues because food debris is getting in and causin’ infection. They will start to be like. They look at you first, and then they’re like, “Did you have sex this week?” Um.
[laughs]
When is the last time you had your menstrual? You know, that question, too. And then it’s like, “Um. Are you– Heterosexual? Or are you same-sex relationship? And– and did you– did you– when was the last time you had sex? Last night? Or today? When did you start feelin’ like that? Did you have sex after that? Or did you–” What are you tryin’ to say? This has nothin’ to do with that! What are you? [laughs] Are you sure you supposed to be sayin’ it like that? Are you tryin’ to imply somethin’ here? Um. [pause] Yeah, that too.
So they’re basically asking you leading questions.
Yeah. Like I’ll– I had a– a knee problem. Okay? Somethin’ with my knee. “Oh, so. Did you have sex?” What does that have to do with my injury? They was– they– that– I said, this, “How long has it been botherin’ you?” I said, “Uh, it’s been like two days and I was just tryin’ to see if it was gon’ subside.” But I said, “But it was just botherin’ me.” I said, “I believe I hit my leg.” You know? I used to play basketball, but. [clap] I got injured before, so, I can’t, I said I couldn’t play basketball anymore after a while. Because of the injuries.
[00:54:05]
And I felt like, [clears throat], by me bumpin’ my leg, it caused me to feel whatever I was feelin’, and I felt like, “Okay, was still, let me know, like, okay,” [clears throat] “your legs are still bad.” They good, but they not good for you to be tryin’ to be, you know, runnin’ around and jumpin’ and all that. But I just bumped it, and I didn’t feel it, obviously. ‘Cause when I hit, I was like, “When did I hit my leg?” But then I realized I did, and I just didn’t realize it ‘cause I was movin’ around. And all I needed was for them to give me somethin’ so I could– for the pain. ‘Cause it swelled up! And it was on the, like, part where, that’s gon’ hurt, especially when you move it– it. The question about, you know, sex, that was, I felt like that was– That don’t have nothin’ to do with that. I– either way you put it. I just need somethin’ so, if, you know, whatever I can do. “What y’all think I should do? Give me somethin’ for pain. I will elevate my leg.” This did not come from, I don’t understand how you could be sexual with your a– a knee. I don’t understand what’s the, what’s the. [pause] What’s the resemblance to the core relation to have to do with what you talkin’ about. This is something that took place that has somethin’ to do with me not payin’ attention, and this just happened. And, you know, people make mistakes and accidents take place, so. But I didn’t take it personal, but I knew that the person had, it was like. They were judging me, I felt like. They was. Mmm. And then. I just feel like this is stereotypish. I feel like it’s stereotypish. Um. So yeah, that’s, that was another thing I had noticed.
What was the point of talking about, like, asking you if you were having sex? Like, what was their point? What were they trying to provide by saying that?
I don’t know. Because, what I was there for was nothing having to do with any sexual parts! My, you know. Nothing, nothing to do with any genitalia or nothin’ like that. Just this, and that’s it! But–
It’s so confusing! It’s like, what were they even trying to, like? [laughs]
I– I knew. And I was like, “You know what? I– I really can’t wait to leave ‘cause I’m gon’ smoke me a cigarette ASAP,” because I had to think, I was like, “Hold up. This ain’t got nothin’ to do with nothin’ like that.” Because it would have been a whole ‘nother set of issues, and it wouldn’t have been anything to do ‘bout my knee. But, I think some people, you know, ‘cause they look at you a certain way. I feel like they–
[00:57:08]
Because of what they, how they perceive and believe? I feel like that’s when they turn their radar, how they gon’ handle you and treat you. Based off of what’s the protocol behind closed doors, that they boss told’m to go by, or is that the– that the life that they live already. And they don’t care what job they work at. They still gon’ apply that to you. I don’t know.
Why do you think– what kind of measures should be in place at hospitals so that that kind of thing doesn’t happen [inaudible]?
I think that, bein’ that at the end of your visit at the emergency room, how they come– and they come and ask you a few questions real quick about your insurance and everything like that? I feel like the same lady that get that information should be asking you, “Were you treated properly? Were you handled correctly?” And, uh, “Did anybody say anything that offended you, or did you feel discriminated against?” And if you answer yes to any of those questions, you can file a complaint through the woman. And they’ll know who just handled you because they’ll have that information already. But, see. There still could be wickedness in that area, because if you don’t take note of who you are, that person will still know, but if they wicked, they’ll alleviate that information and your complaint will go null and void.
Right. So what would make you feel satisfied? Like, how would you want the complaint to be handled and how would you want the accountability to– to be handled so that you feel more comfortable and stuff like that?
Well, somethin’ like that? I– I feel like they should see– someone should see you right away before you leave, even if you do got your discharge paper. And so they could see exactly what you’re talkin’ ‘bout. I challenge y’all to run back the camera, turn the volume up. That’s all! I don’t gotta tell you no story. I just told you what I told you. Now, you tell me what’s goin’ on [laughs] in the area. And then, I think that would help a lot of people.
And then would you want, like, a follow-up from them? Just to make sure that your complaint doesn’t go into the void [inaudible]?
Well. Yeah! Yeah, I feel that they should, because I feel like by then Internal Affairs should step in. Internal Affairs should step in because that person is no good. If they’re no good to you, they’re supposed to be representin’ care for people. Then, just, what makes you think they’re gonna treat other people with care? You know. Um, I– I think that they should be handled accordingly. I don’t wanna see nobody, you know, wish– I don’t wanna wish bad luck on nobody. And I don’t wanna see nobody lose. But if you put yourself in the position to lose, then you need to own that. And, if you’re wrong? Take the accountability. And use that person as a lesson, as don’t– don’t ever do that again. And then, you know, learn from this. So if you’re blessed enough to get into a job like this again, where you get this opportunity again, you gon’ know not to be selfish about other people’s feelings.
[01:00:06]
And– and, um, treat’m with care! Treat’m how, you know, want to be treated. And, if you learn anything from what you did and you’re very truly sorry, then– then you would never, your behavior would speak for the apology. It would be how you, you know, act after that. how you behave. The character. [clinking]
Can you just quickly summarize the car accident? Because I didn’t get, like, the– we talked about that off camera but I just want to make sure I get that–
Okay.
Audio. Just describe what happened and then the fact that you were kind of put aside in the waiting room.
Well. I know when you come in the ambulance for any type of thing, like, my case was the car accident. I was injured bad. Um. When you come in through the– the ambulance, they bring you off the back and you’re in another entrance, the way you come in, not the way everybody comes through the emergency when they walkin’ in. They will get seen, but they’re not first dibs. They– they look at it, “Okay, that’s an emergency. If it comes through here in the ambulance, it’s really an emergency, emergency.” But for them to take me out and roll me on the stretcher and then throw me on the stretcher in the hallway to the side like that, I didn’t even get put-
[inaudible] Sorry!
[cough] It’s okay.
The battery.
I didn’t even get put in– that was weird!
Oh, I didn’t realize, so they. Yeah, so they already had you on a stretcher and they, like, [slap] tossed you.
Yeah. [shuffling] [pause] [shuffling]
[inaudible]
So, this is– this is your station? You– your– this is where you work?
No, this is just where, um. [clicking]
[01:02:10]
[END OF RECORDING ONE]
[RECORDING TWO]
[00:00:00]
Yeah, they– soon as they– you could see the hallway. Soon as they did, it was like, soon as they turned like that? It was just boom! Boom! And whoever that was? They walked. They went wherever they went. They didn’t even– you could tell, they was hap–they was– I’m gonna say they was– they was confident in how they did it. ‘Cause they didn’t even turn back around. They ain’t say [tsk]. Just give me a minute. They just, boom! [pause] And I lifted my head up, and I was lookin’, like. But I still, it was blood, goin’ like that. Um. ‘Cause when I did lift my head up, and I started lookin’ around, I was like, “Well, I might as well get up!” And then when the blood got on the floor, and the– the, you know, and so they said, “No, you can’t do that!” I was like, “Well, then they can’t do that! They put me over here!” Like, I don’t know. And it even took a few minutes after they got me from there and they took me into a actual room. I still was waitin’. I had this big piece of glass in my head. I still have a knot on my head from that, it skinned off my head. Um. I– I couldn’t wash my hair because the blood was stuck in there. They said I couldn’t wash my hair. And the glass, it had to get– they gotta give me stitches. Um, this whole thing was in the sling. This– this whole arm right here. This– this hand was cool. But, and accompanied by that, they said short term memory loss, which was the truth. Um. And when I said, “Whatchu mean short term memory?” They was like, I said, “How long is short term?” They said short term could be a year. It could be this or that. And literally, I couldn’t remember where the accident happened. Until. [pause] Two years later. [tsk] This, I was squeezing, it had glass all the way in it that I had squeezed. I thought it was like, pus or somethin’, and it was two pieces of glass! That came out to look like diamonds. It was two of them. And that’s how I had got my first stage name. And I named myself “Diamonds.” Because of those two pieces that I had found. But, that’s not my name now. So, I go by my real name, but. [pause] They left, they– they– [tsk] If they could have got a rating that day? I– I would have. They would have gotten the worst rating. But I was just thankful that I was still alive. Um. I walked out of there with, you know, the right meds, I had my sling, I had my gauzes and everything I needed. I was just.
[00:03:01]
Thankful that I was walkin’ up out of there. And the people that was by my side, um. Not the people that I’m, you know, I was in an accident with, ‘cause they didn’t even call my name and they didn’t even get injured, they just had a little whiplash, that’s it. That shows me who my real [clears throat] friends were. I know they were in a state of shock, but one of them was my best friend. She did not call my name. She made sure her girlfriend was out. The last song that was playin’ was “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child. Before the speakers blew out. Um. But. She didn’t call my name. [clears throat] I crawled out on my own. Um, I was waitin’ to see, like, “Why are they callin’ my name?” Must have hit my head already. I’m, like, confused. And then, God was like, “You’re a survivor. Climb out. You don’t need them to call you. Get out!” I got out. It was standing there. I jumped down from there. At this point, I was so disgusted. I just walked straight ah– away from them. And I was just lookin’ up. And everybody saw blood. Then they started buggin’. I’m like, “Why is everybody buggin’?” I didn’t even know my hat was destroyed. I didn’t know that the blood was comin’ out. I didn’t even know nothin’. I didn’t– I didn’t– I felt heat, but I didn’t know, like, where. Like, is it? But. [pause] The, the visit overall? It was the worst.
Do you feel like you trust hospitals at this point?
No. No, I don’t trust them. Because, just, just lookin’ at the situation with, you know, the pandemic and everything. And how many people went into the hospital that could have been saved? But, I heard they have orders from doctors with real seniority that were telling them, “Let them die.” And they die! They– they took them off whatever machine. Because they needed somebody to take that place that had money and the right coverage. So they was like, “Mmm. They family? I don’t know that we, but. If any of those type of people come here? Don’t go beyond the– the, like, four or five people. Chill out, after that, and then, let– let, you know, some more people come in, and then it gets too many people in here? ‘Cause we already runnin’ out of beds! And we need to take care of the people who can afford what we can save them with.” I– I was really analyzin’ all of this stuff while it was goin’ on. I think, if you can, I don’t think you should trust. I don’t think you should.
Could you say, “I don’t think people should trust the hospitals,” just so that we know. Like, as a complete sentence, I mean, ‘cause–
[00:06:06]
Um. Wait, say that again?
Say that, “I don’t think that people should trust hospitals” instead of “I don’t think people should trust them.”
I don’t think people should trust hospitals. I– I don’t think people should trust hospitals because they are not out for the people’s best interests. It– the only way that the hospital is out for your best interest is if your money gets their attention. That’s when they interested in helpin’ you out for real. Especially when anything serious goin’ on. As long as you got some wealth? You could basically– if you want the best– I guess they sayin’, if you want the best treatment? You gotta have that kind of money. Like, if you want– because all of these, all of these ailments and sicknesses and diseases? They all have cures. They have, but they’re telling you, “Oh, we don’t have it yet.” It’s here! The reason they tellin’ people they don’t have it is because they can’t afford it anyway! If they told them the face value of how much it cost to get the cure, where you gettin’ that from? That’s gonna cause mass hysteria. People gon’ be robbin’ banks. Um, tryin’ to get the money. We got people out here, [clap] on the streets, sellin’ drugs. But the biggest drug dealers are the doctors! They are the biggest drug dealers. They just. It’s– it’s– it’s wild! [laughs] It’s wild! It’s wild. And I’m, um, [clears throat] I see it. I see it from every– every angle. I think I just understand it too well, like, because of, being able to see it from different aspects and angles and. Yeah, it’s, this, I feel like the whole system is corrupt. I even notice [pause] with the phones. They said, “Okay.” What they were sayin’, they want to give everybody chips. To put chips in people. You notice they don’t talk about that no more. You notice almost everybody has a smartphone now. You notice now that, you know, these phones have been upgraded to smartphones. They no longer want you to buy a SIM card. You know why? Because that’s the chips! And this is why nobody wants to put their phone down! You notice everybody, I notice, even me! Eve– nobody wants to put they phone down. And it feels funny, for like, you buggin’ if you put it down! What is that! Why do we feel like that? They found another way to do it. They did to the TVs. That’s why they want you to get rid of the other ones.
[00:08:58]
They need to keep you pilled. They need your mind to be– I– I don’t understand. I feel like I– I– I’m not tryin’ to sound like, weird, but. I think I just understand this stuff too well.
Do you think that, like, your understanding for, like, the true intentions of the hospital and, like, the way that systems have failed you. Do you think that that’s what’s driven you to take care– take your own health into your own hands in such a dedicated way?
Well. [tsk] Well. Really not so much of that, but, it’s something to consider as well here. Um, but, if you wanna feel your best, you should! If you do somethin’ important in this world, like you, you have a career path. Okay, you can do that stuff! You talented in that area! But there’s other stuff to you that need your attention, that if you don’t keep up with that, you ain’t gonna have, you gon’ be able to, um, do those things. You gotta make sure you’re 100. You gotta make sure you’re good. Your, your health is right, you’re eating right, you’re exercising, you’re getting your rest. Um. Because if you don’t do that, then what good are you gonna be to anybody? Um. [pause] Yeah!
What kind of advice would you give to somebody about– who feels like they can’t control their own health and they’re dependent on hospitals?
Oh, man. I– I wouldn’t. There was this girl I was talkin’ to on the phone, and, um, she was a childhood friend. And she was sayin’, “Oh, I was actin’ like that because of my meds. And I– I– I don’t take those meds anymore, so I’m good now.” I said, “Listen. You still my friend. But I’ma be honest with you? It was a mixture of your meds and the drug you been doin’.” I said, “This drug that you been doing is more powerful than your meds. That stuff they put in dead bodies to preserve them, you, you were on that drug.” I said, “You was nowhere in your right state of mind, so you, yeah, you done with the meds? But I’m just telling you that what I witnessed that day? Had nothin’ to do with your meds. It was far more worse than what your meds were doin’. Yeah, your meds play a part, but that right there? You was a whole ‘nother person. Period. I’ve seen you on meds before, but this? Mhm mmm.” Um. I told her, I said, “Listen, and you think, you know, you need meds.” ‘Cause it was somethin’ she was sayin’ she needed before. And I was– she was like, “If I don’t get those meds, I’m not gon’ be happy.” I said, “Okay, so it’s an antidepressant.”
[00:12:02]
I said, “But that’s just suppressing your depression. It’s temporary comfort. It’s still not,” um, “healing you up. It’s making you feel better, you know, when you take it and deal with it. When it’s done, [clap] you back to feelin’ the same way again! But, what you–” I left her with this. I said, uh, “Part about you, you know, bein’ depressed, it’s like you need it. We gotta find our own happiness. We can be depressed about whatever, ‘cause that’s an emotion we can feel. But once we pick ourselves back up and we get over the part that get us depressed, what got us depressed, you still gotta locate your own happiness. You have to locate it. Locate it. Don’t, you can’t locate it, keep picking this, the– the– the wounds of your depression. If you keep picking it, it’s not gon’ heal. So you gotta leave that alone, let yourself just heal. When you feel better, it’s gonna scab up, you gon’ know it’s still there. It’s gonna leave a scar. But after it wears off and, you know, now you can begin to look for your happiness. What makes you happy! Not what makes you depressed.” ‘Cause some people been through so much of that, that’s all they look for, is more of it. And those are trauma bonds! So, this is why some people choose certain people to be in a relationship with. Because it reminds them of some trauma they been through. And that’s the– that’s why they feel closeness to it, and they feel like, “Ooh, this is, yeah.” [pause] And there’s some people, all they experienced is trauma, all they want is happiness. I’m one of them. I just want happiness! And I’m gon’ be the one responsible to find it. So if anybody know, I would tell them, just, if you can do it? Don’t go to the hospital if you can do it. I’m sayin’, if there’s something that you could actually do, that you don’t have to be a professional for, start doing your history. Think about, reset this. Reset all this stuff that is here now. Reset. Do some– take yourself back. Even though you wasn’t here yet on the Earth. Go back, see what was taking place. See what was taking place, little by little, the farther you go back, they had no, um. No paper where they scratchin’ off with the signature! That– that wasn’t even brought about yet! They wasn’t even usin’ it yet! Until they started usin’ it! But before they did? People was puttin’ two and two together. They were learning what different things did! They were experimenting. So they was already scientists and doctors. Without the lab coat. Without the– the college education, with, without. There was once upon a time you didn’t need a– a– a driver’s license to drive your own vehicle.
[00:15:08]
All you just had to do was know what you doin’. Um. [pause] I just think that people should question everything. [clap] They already know. Um. Educate themselves with some more. Whatever they learned growin’ up, if it was incorrect? Unlearn it! And, now, learn the right way. [clap]
Can you tell me about, um, your personal health regime? What are some, um, home remedies and some health regiments that you use to take care of yourself with?
Well. I eat a lot of fruits. Those are very good for you. Pineapples? Okay. They are fat burners. If you gonna watch your physique, and you, okay, say you was eatin’ some carbs and you’re like, “Okay, I gained some five,” whatever, “extra pounds.” Even if you’re not eating– and that’s not the issue, or you just bloated ‘cause you’re on your menstrual? Pineapples. Ginger, raw ginger. That helps you with bloat. Constipation, inflammation, your digestive. Um. You can use these things as topical for your face, to get rid of acne, acne, um, acne. Pineapple juice. Um. Just eatin’ these, these things are good for your skin. This is why my skin is smooth. I don’t– I drink a lot of water. Um. Anything that got a lot of content of water in it, you should be drinking– you should eat your food! There are fruits that, there, you eatin’ your water. Pineapples, the watermelons, the celery. Eat that too, that’s good for you, too. Um. I feel like there’s people just not eatin’ enough of the stuff they should be eatin’. Um. Garlic? I feel like, you need a antibody? That’s a natural antibody. That it will not get hot in your system and it will not [inaudible] to be doin’ its original intent. Its job. You can put it in food, but it has medicinal properties as well. So yeah, you puttin’ it in your food. But it’s also an antibiotic at the same time. So, if you know your inflammation, so say you can’t get to the emergency room or whatever your reason is. And you said that, “Oh, they antibodies don’t work anyway.” Well! It’s garlic! For an adult? One to two cloves a day is okay for you!
Sorry, can you say that, there was a car that went by– can you say that again, uh, um. If you can’t get to the hospital for any reason and, or if your antibiotics aren’t working for you, eat garlic. Just like, right as you were saying that, the [inaudible, overlapping].
[overlapping] See? Yeah!
I was like, “Dang! It’s gonna mess up the audio!” But I really thought that was a cool remedy? So I’d love you to.
[00:18:03]
See, ‘cause it’s– that just says inflammation in motion. It’s in motion, it’s goin’ places. [clap] It’s gon’ touch, [clap] um. It’s in transition to where it gotta go. Every bit of this information right here, all of it, and I think that it’s [clap] vital to [clap] anybody that takes a listen to it! Because, this applies to so many people. Um. Yeah, ‘cause everybody’s not wealth! Er– well. Another thing is, too, when you have to define what “wealthy” is to you. Because, to me? Less is more. Less is more! And, um, but know that’s gettin’ off topic, but. Uh, I dunno. What else you wanna know?
Uh, tell me again, just, can you tell me the garlic remedy one more time, just so I have a clear?
Oh, yeah! With the– with the garlic? Since it’s antibiotics, it’s for adults, one to two cloves per day. Um. Anybody that’s not an adult? And they gonna do it? One clove. One clove is just enough. That’s cause, two cloves, like an adult would, you know? That’s too much for, you know, a child. So, but it’s an actual antibiotic. Anything, and I mean anything, say you have an– you got a sinus infection. And you got nothin’ but, it’s just clogged up and it feels like you got, it’s– it’s– you feel mucus up in your head or something. Chew that garlic up, make sure you got a bottle of water ready, take the cap off, please hurry up! Because, if you got any, whatever, anything wrong in your mouth, anything, any, whatever? You need, you. Say you was havin’ a problem with your mouth or your tooth or anything at the time. It does that! It kills every germ in your mouth. Any germ! It’s going to do what it gotta do. And if you got that sinus infection, whatever? Mucus was all up, all up in your head? It’s comin’ out. You don’t need Mucinex. It’s comin’ out. It’s gon’ come out so quick. Tumeric! Two teaspoons of that, boil it. Take a bottle of water, you know, if that’s enough, if that’s what you gon’ drink? Boil it for a few minutes. When it’s done, pour it. Let it steep, let it cool down. Drink it. Your whole digestional track and any inflammation, anything. It’s comin’ out. It’s gone.
Are you supposed to have the–[church bell tolls] Oh.
Yo!
[laughs]
[clap]
Bingo! I think you’re on to something! Um. Sorry, are you supposed to do turmeric right after the garlic? Are they related, or can they be separate?
Um. Well, they can be combined. You can make, um, a paste. You can make a paste out of the turmeric and crushing the garlic together. But that’s like for if you’re tryin’ to really burn some stubborn belly fat, it’ll do it.
[00:21:24]
The combination of both of them. You can use that or you can crush the garlic up, [claps] crush [clap] the ginger [clap] up, [clap] and, and put the turmeric and make a paste. And then when you make the paste? Drop it in boiling water and you boil it. And then you can consume. You can put honey in it, and honey even stops inflammation. Um. Olive oil! You can use that as a topical ointment to stop a rash that is inflamed and that is bothering you. It has that, too. Um. [clap] Medicinal properties. Um. So. [clap] It– it’s– it’s a lot of stuff. Chocolate! You have a stubborn cough? Some people is not coughin’ ‘cause they have a cold. They just, the air is dry. They don’t know it. Okay. Chew the chocolate. It will stop your cough. But if your air is dry and, you know, chew the chocolate, you gonna have to eat more until that, the air get moist. These people are running to get humid– get humidifiers. And all they have to do is boil a pot of water or run a shower and let it steam and went up with, in the air. You’ll save money, you don’t gotta buy a humidifier.
Um, what kind of chocolate are you supposed to have?
Um, well, it could be either or. It could be milk chocolate, it could be dark chocolate. For those things, like for your cough, if you have a cough and it’s irritating you, it’s– it’s like a cure to a cough. It’ll stop it. But, um. When you get specific about what types of chocolate is if, you know. If you have menstrual cramps and you need to know what the right chocolate, and the right one is not milk chocolate, it’s dark chocolate. That’s what will stop your cramps. Because of the– the components in the dark chocolate. Flavinoids and whatever else in there? I can’t think of the name, I wrote it down, but. That’s the chocolate that helps. Some people run to the milk chocolate, and they wonder, like, “It don’t even work, it’s just good! And it, maybe helps my craving.” Okay, but that’s the wrong one. But the dark chocolate, even if you got cramps for your menstrual cramps, you don’t have choc– the dark chocolate? You got some pickles? Drink the pickle juice. That will stop your cramps. That will do it too. In minutes! Seconds! Just, as soon as you keep drinking, and, and once you start feelin’ like they’re gone? You’ve drunk enough already. That’s it. Um.
[00:24:01]
Vinegar is good for, you know, a lot of things! It kills germs. Um. You can use it as a household cleaning agent. Um. And you can also drink it! Not, like, strong like that, but, it– it can burn belly fat, but they always go for the apple cider. Um. But, yeah. These are different things that, they work. They, they really work. Um. [pause] I think people should just take the time out to try this stuff. Um. And they would see that, because, listen. If you go to the hospital for antibiotics right now for an abscess in your mouth. Okay. They not gonna do no, nothin’, they just gonna give you that and you leave. You see it, you don’t go there, you go to the refrigerator and you cut the garlic in half? And you rub it over the area and you see a white, where it’s at, it has not come to a head. Rub it for three seconds, four seconds, it’s gonna all come out! It’s comin’ out for you. It’s goin’ in there and it’s pullin’ it out. And if you would have went and got the antibiotics, you would still be takin’ them for days to get that to happen. But it’s doin’ that right now, boom! And even after it does, make sure you, you know, rinse your mouth out with the– the actual garlic juice and juice the garlic now! And it come and form a paste! And swish it ‘round your mouth. It might burn a little bit! But after you done? Rinse it out with water immediately. And then continue each day while it’s healin’ up, chewin’ the garlic. It’s gonna seal back the opening. Your meat is gonna regenerate and close and heal. It’s gone! Now, do you still have a issue with your teeth? Yes! You gon’ have to go deal with that now. But you ain’t have to worry about that. So.
Oh, that’s awesome. I totally want to try that. [laughs]
I couldn’t believe what–‘cause it happened to me before, right before my wisdom teeth. I said, oh, ‘cause instant withdrawal, it’s like it draws it. Like, anything like that. And I said, “Let me see somethin’.” I did it. It was [clap] instant, like [clap] that! And I said, “Wait a minute! This is buggin’ me out!” ‘Cause I was like, this really– what! I would have been! I just couldn’t believe it. And I did get to, um, them to pull my– my wisdom teeth out in a timely fashion and everything two weeks later? But the abscess didn’t come back after I did that. So, I think that, if people would just realize what they had in they house, what they’re walkin’ past in the store. I think that they would start puttin’ certain things on their grocery list. Um, I think they should try it! It don’t hurt to try it. Um, I don’t know what else, you know.
[00:27:15]
Well, can I ask you, I mean, I– I think that that’s really great. I– I was just curious. Do you have health insurance?
Yes.
Oh, okay.
Yes, I have– I have, actually I have a HMO and Medicaid, but the Medicaid is like, covers the basic, but the HMO that I have, I– I’m good. I can get a cleaning. I can get my glasses. I can get contacts and if I needed something, you know, specific, it still limits. But, whatever I needed, I’m good. ‘Cause I have insomnia. So, my medications and stuff like that for my sleepin’? I don’t have to worry about it. I don’t have to pay no out-of-pocket expenses for that, everything is covered. My glasses, whatever I need, I will go. Wherever I go to get my eyes done? Examined? Pick out the glasses or the contacts. See, in my case I got a stigmatism so my contacts are more expensive. Okay. They not gon’, um, cover that, ‘cause it’s expensive, unless it’s something they do. But it’s lower grade, but it’s through somewhere else. ‘Cause it’s different twists and turns to this whole, you know, system. But I have no complaints. I know that, eventually? It’s gon’ be in a situation where I don’t have to worry about y’all. I’ma still have insurance and everything? But it’s gonna give me bonuses of what y’all never gave me. I’m just dealin’ with this stuff in this moment, but. If you think that it’s gon’ get greater later and you know that you workin’ your way up to that point? You gon’ have more options later. It’s not gon’ stay like that unless you choose to settle for what you have always had, and if you scared of your own potential, then you’re gonna always get what you have gotten. Some people fear chasing their dreams or going after what it is that they know that they can do. Um, I’m not afraid. I’ll perform in front of whoever. I’m never scared. I’m always ready. I’m– I’m always there before everybody. I’m there before my engineer when it’s time to record. He be late! I be early.
You were early today! [overlapping, inaudible]
[laughing]
He be late! ‘Cause when I’m foc– like, when I’m on? I’m serious about anything to do with business. Anything. I don’t care what it is. It– it don’t even have to really be my expertise, I’m still serious. I take it serious. So. I was just so motivated, and your energy on the phone as well had me excited, so I’m like, yes! But you surprised me with that! With [clap], the– the [clap] flowers, I was gonna put them in water and everything!
Good! I hope, yeah, I hope they were the right ones because I was trying to, I didn’t meet you yet, so I wasn’t sure what kind of–
[overlapping] Okay.
You know. The colors and everything, so I tried to do something. You said you like colors–
Yeah, I love colors!
Yeah, I was trying to not do, like, just a boring–
And it’s crazy because, it’s so cra– you know what? You would’a seen what I was talkin’ about if I would have wore it. It was too hot to wear it. I just bought this NASA hoodie. And the colors are lavender and those exact colors are on the hoodie.
Oh, really?
And it’s tie-dye.
Oh, that’s amazing! [laughs]
And then there’s a white. And that’s what I was gon’ wear.
Oh, that’s crazy.
But I was like, I’ma be–
[overlapping] Yeah.
Sweatin’ for real, so I threw it down. I said, “Dang, I’ma just. I’ma just wear this.” I really enjoyed meeting you!
Yeah, thank you! I know that we’re running out of time and I’m also running out of battery, so I’m just gonna, oh my gosh–
[00:30:45]
[END OF RECORDING 2]