Faustina Owoh discusses her journey in shaping her personal identity through community engagement. Her future goals include going into humanitarian and international law.
“I finally found something that gave me the reason to actually care about school. I finally found something to give me the reason to, like, actually be a better person. Like, I finally realized that I am more than just my own self, there are so many other people that need help. There are so many people that need caring, and I think the best way that I learned to– how I can help people is through education.”
ANNOTATIONS
Learn More: Aysa Gray, “The Bias of ‘Professionalism’ Standards,” Stanford Social Innovation Review, June 4, 2019.
Learn More [2]: Victor Ray, “Why So Many Organizations Stay White,” Harvard Business Review, November 19, 2019.
Learn More [3]: Payne Lubbers, “Job Applicants With ‘Black Names’ Still Less Likely to Get Interviews,” Bloomberg.Com, July 29, 2021.
TRANSCRIPT
Interview conducted by Daniel Swern
New Brunswick, New Jersey
August 5, 2021
Transcription by Chrissy Briskin
00:00
Today is Thursday, August 5, 2021, it’s 3:45 pm and this is Dan Swern, uh, here at 9 Bayard Street, coLAB Arts’s studio and I am here interviewing–
Faustina Owoh, hey y’all.
Uh, Faustina thank you for taking the time to be here and to share your story and whenever you’re ready, you can go ahead–
Okay, so I was born and raised in Staten Island, New York, May 7, 1998, and I was on Staten Island up until I was sixteen and I loved it. Like even to this day I still claim New York because it was a big part of me and it was a very, like, happy. When I think of happy moments, I always think of when I lived on Staten Island. It could be because when I was young I didn’t really have, like, a lot of responsibilities, I was just, like, very young, I was living a carefree life, but I still, like, all the time, dream about my old house a lot actually. But, um, I had– I grew up with both my parents in the house so– they’re both Nigerian immigrants so they definitely had a particular style of raising me and my sisters. I have three other sisters. They had a style of raising us compared to a lot of my peers.
Um, one, well I went to a– I went to private schools most of my life, and so they were mostly– they were white majority private schools and so the parenting styles of some of the students– some of the students’ parents’ parenting styles versus my parents’ parenting style was very different. Um, just of how strict my parents were, my mom was more strict than my dad, but my dad has, like he was like the chiller parent, the cooler one, the one that really allowed us to be who we are. My mom kind of, she had a path for each of my sisters and she wanted us to follow that path. And so she worked very hard to make sure, like, we were doing certain things, not really necessarily paying attention to what we wanted, who we were, because we’re all very different but, you know, that was, as a mom, every parent has a dream they want their child to be, but she kind of took it to like, “Okay, you have to do this, and be that.” So I grew up with both sides of like the cool parent and the strict parent so I think that’s what shaped me into the person I am today as well as my characteristics, ‘cause like I had a balance of both. I tell my mom all the time, like, she always complains that, “Oh your dad let you get away with everything you wanted when you were young.” And I’m like, “Not really,” but I was also like, I feel like we needed that, I feel like we needed a parent who was going to allow us to be ourselves because imagine growing up and having to force yourself to be someone that you’re not and you grow up, like, having like, you know, an identity crisis, like who are you inside? I would always explain to my mom, like, “I think we needed to have both of y’all in our lives so we could understand who we are as well as, you know, certain boundaries.” So my mom definitely helped me create boundaries in my life, and my dad helped me find out who I was. And so, um, they’re– I love them, um, they both had different lifestyles growing up, um, my mom wasn’t with her dad or her parents a lot. She kind of was sent away, I guess to her aunt’s house which is very common. Usually, like, during my generation if your parents didn’t have money they would send you to, like, maybe like a cousin’s house or an aunt’s house and you would work as their maid and so my mom only saw her mom like, maybe like, twice a year, not really often and then on the other hand my dad was very close with his parents. He was very close with his mom and his dad. My mom didn’t even know her dad, he left when she was– when she was born so she didn’t really get to know him and– but my dad was very familiar with his parents and his parents even mov– lived with us for a little bit before they passed away. And so both of their upbringings kind of shaped how they were as parents, even my mom, and then her upbringing shaped her experiences, and then her experiences is what she used to shape, what she used to try to shape our experiences. So it’s literally like a generational cycle of like things, and as I’m getting older and I’m getting more in tune with the psychology as well as the importance of childhood. I’m starting to see that through my mom, and so we have this talk with her all the time but she’s kind of like, she doesn’t believe in like, childhood trauma, she doesn’t really– she doesn’t really believe in all the psychology things which is understandable because of how she was raised. Like that's normal for her and her, like, her age group especially in Nigeria, like, mental health is not something they talk about. They think it’s– sometimes they think it’s taboo, like, “What do you mean you’re depressed? What do you mean you’re sad?” It’s like, “What do you have to be sad for?” You know, so that was kind of their– her upbringing as far as dealing with some of the trauma she probably experienced from not being with her mom all the time or from not having a dad. There’s things she won’t talk about ‘cause to her it’s normal but I know that she probably just doesn’t realize it.
5:00
But, so growing up I had a very, um, I would say good childhood. I was the smartest in a lot of my classes, I was like straight A’s, I was first– I have first honors, which first honors is like if you have above, like, a ninety five average, like in like middle school and so like [unclear] but like I had first honor, um, my mom was like, I felt like I was a momma’s girl, I definitely was. I tried my best to make her happy, like I guess you could consider me like her favorite child because like I was doing– I was following the path that she wanted me to follow as a young person. I was doing well in school, you know, I remember being like, like what, ten? And I was staying up to three a.m. doing homework and then I would think, what am I– what is a ten year old staying up to three a.m. doing homework, like– but my mom encouraged it, she thought that was good, that was great and now I’m looking back like, bruh, like, what was I doing? What could I– what kind of home could I possibly have that I’m staying up to three a.m. finishing homework? But that was literally the lifestyle that my mom wanted us to have. She wanted us to all be about books, books, books,books. It didn’t matter what grade you were in, books are all that matters, ‘cause you know one thing my mom says is, “The best gift I can give you is education.” Which is very true. Like, you know, I didn’t understand that aspect of it, but she really pushed it and so growing up it was a lot of me wanting to be what she wanted me to be. She wanted me to be a doctor? I said I wanted to be a doctor and I would always tell people, “No I want to be a doctor, it’s not because my mom said it.” But, it really, ‘cause like she kind of influenced it into my head, you know? So I try my best to be a momma’s girl, do things she wanted me to and that was good, right? Up until I reached about sixteen. Once I reached about sixteen, seventeen and I was in high school now, I kind of branched off into finding who I was, I think that was the period of me trying to figure out like, hmmmm who am I? Like, I started to get interested in certain things like piercings and tattoos and my mom was just like, not having it. I wanted to be a model at one point, but you know she was– she kind of like ruin– not ruined that dream for me ‘cause to her, she was like, “What is modeling? Why would you want to be a model when you– that’s not secure enough. You should be an engineer, doctor, those are all secure. Everybody needs doctors, everybody needs engineers, duh dah duh.” So to her, me saying I wanted to be a model was just like something she was, like, she shunned so quickly, and I think because she shunned it, I kind of just never, ah, I guess I told myself I didn’t want to be a model, but deep down I did. I was just kind of hurt, the fact that she made me feel like I couldn’t be a model. And so I think that’s why, like, I just kind of stopped, and people would always tell me, “You should model.” And I’d be like, “Oh no I don’t want to.” But I think now that– now that I’m looking back at my childhood trauma, I think the reason why I say no is because deep down I feel like I wouldn’t be good enough based off what my mom would always tell me. So, this is me figuring that out now. So when I hit sixteen, seventeen, I guess you could kind of say I kind of went [sigh] I want to say crazy ballistic but, like, I kind of was just searching for myself, that’s really how the best way for me to explain it. I think I was so– trying so hard to be, you know, my mom’s favorite that I never really got a chance to explore myself and so that’s what I did for sure. I got– I started getting tattoos, piercings, uh, I kind of didn’t know what I wanted to be in life, but I just knew I didn’t want to be a doctor no more. I was like, “Mmmm, I don’t want to be a doctor.” I was okay in science, I was good in math, like, I was okay, but like I just had no passion for it. And I didn’t tell my mom that at all, I still let her believe that, you know– I was passionate about track. Once I got to high school, track became my baby and I was very passionate. I wanted to go to the 2016 Olympics, and I was– I was good, like, you know, I was a triple jumper, a long jumper as well as a sprinter occasionally, but I was really good at jumps, though. And so I found my– I found what made me happy, I found what I was good at, I enjoyed it, like, on my off days I would just be watching videos on, like, how to improve speed, what workouts to do, and I was always doing workouts, ‘cause I was like, the track was my baby, and so– and my mom saw that, she didn’t like it. In high school she made it very hard for me to go to practice, like, oh my gosh, like in high school she made my life like hell because she hated the fact that I was so invested in track, ‘cause to her it kind of felt like, like what happens if like, you know, she actually wants to do this as a career? Like, she was worried about those type of things and she felt like I was changing as well, my behavior because I was doing track, but it was really because I was just trying to find myself, like, you know, I was branching out and so I remember one day I came home, I was wearing shorts, ‘cause, you know, when you do track, like it was hot, you wear like those Nike Pro shorts. I remember I came home wearing them and she was like, “Oh so this is what they teach you at track? To just wear no clothes?” And I’m just looking at her like, “Girl this is, like, this is very regular.” And she was like, “I don’t want you wearing this type of nonsense. That’s it, if you don’t stop I’m going to take you out of track.”
10:15
And so from then on she would not pick me up from practice– there were times when I was in school up until ten waiting for my dad to come home from New York, my dad worked in New York, so I would have to wait for him to come back to Jersey and to come pick me up from school. All because my mom did not support me doing track. So she really tried her hardest to make me wanna stop, but the type of person I am—I was and still am—I’m very determined and once I love something, I don’t care what you do, I’m going to make it, I’m gonna make a way and it was very hard. Like I remember my school, my high school, like they said they were gonna call, like, Child Services or something ‘cause my mom was like abandoning me or whatever and I didn’t think it was that serious to be honest with you. I was just like, okay, like, she’s trying so hard to make me, like, not do track, but, um, it was– I will say it was wrong of her to leave me in school until, you know, ten p.m. at night while she’s home. But in her eyes, she was just like, “I told you not to do track, so you want to do track and now you have to find a way home.” So, she didn’t see nothing wrong with it because, at the end of the day, I disobeyed her. So that’s why I say again, so shout out to my dad ‘cause my dad really allowed us to be, me and my sisters, he allowed us to be the people we were. Even though he may not have agreed, like, he wasn’t so– he wasn’t upset with me doing track. Um, but there were some things, like, for example, like when I didn’t want to be a doctor anymore, he was– he wanted me to be a doctor, but he was like, “Okay, well, do what you wanna do.” So like, again he’s con– he’s always been that parent that will like allow us to be ourselves, even if he doesn’t agree with it, even if he maybe doesn’t favor it, he will allow us to branch out. And so, again my dad coming in handy. And so then after that, after going through that so many times, I was like, you know what? I’m still gonna do track. So I did it all through high school, college, I did it, but I didn’t tell my parents. I didn’t tell them I did track my freshman year of college because, um, I just knew what was going to happen. I didn’t get a scholarship for track, I was a walk on, but I didn’t really care because I loved track, so I’m like, you know what? I’m going to be–and I went to a D1 school, I went to Monmouth and so I did track and it was amazing. I loved it, uh, I had met some great people and it was fun but I wasn’t doing well in school at all. Like when I tell you–I almost forgot about school because, again, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do in life, I didn’t see a point in college, I only went there because my older sister, um, was in college, she went to that college and a part of me was just like, “Olay, I’m just going to go here and do business,” because that’s the one thing I know that a lot of people usually choose when they don’t know what they want to do. And so I went to the business, didn’t really care, didn’t really go to my classes, and then second semester I just, I kind of got into this funk of depression and I was like, you know, I have to leave. I wasn’t enjoying my stay at the school no more. It wasn’t even the people, just the school and I just didn’t click. But, um, so then after that I went to community college. I went to community college and that was, uh, that was interesting, it was very–I was to myself most of the time to be honest. I didn’t really, like, talk to anybody, I was just to myself. And then I went to community college and it was cool, second semester I got into a relationship and that kind of, like, took a spiral in terms of me as a person, like, that relationship really weighed me down. I was going through a lot of depression, I was like– ‘cause the person I was with, he had a lot of his own mental– mental, um, health issues and I kind of like fell on me, and so school just kind of became like another, again, an option, I was doing so well first semester in community college and second semester I fell back, I dropped out of, like, four classes, didn’t tell my parents at all. I dropped out of four classes, only took one class and the only reason I even kept that class was because I was cool with the professor and I felt bad because he knew that I was smarter than what I was showing in class. So he knew, so I didn’t want to disappoint him, so I stayed. And he gave me– actually he ended up getting a C and I know for a fact that I should have failed that class, ‘cause when I did the calculations, I was [unclear]. He gave me a C because I think he knew that I knew the material I just wasn’t focused, which I wasn’t. The material was very easy, but I felt like when you’re going through, like, a lot of emotional pains and you’re just not yourself, you don’t really care, honestly, about, like, the things in fron– like school, like I didn’t care so–
14:25
then finally I went to Rutgers Newark. I was trying to get to Rutgers New Brunswick for so long and I kept on getting denied ‘cause my grades were very low. When I left Monmouth my GPA was a 1.5. I was on academic probation ‘cause I just– second semester, girl school was– I didn’t care. So my GPA was a 1.5, Rutgers was like, “That’s too low so you have to go to community college.” So I went to community college. They said, “Go to community college for two years.” I couldn’t stay home no more. I was like, “Nah I have to go.” This was a time where me and my mom's relationship was very rocky, like we were just butting heads. Like when I– like I’m on my first– I think when I started community college I was like, I think eighteen? Eighteen? Nineteen? Around there? And we were just always butting heads because like, again, I’m– I’m– I’m starting to become a person that she didn’t project me to be. I’m starting to get interested in things she didn’t project me to be in and in her little fantasy of what her children are going to be, like, I was slowly starting to become the opposite and she didn’t know how to handle that. She didn’t know how to accept the fact that I’m not interested in what she is. She didn’t know how to accept the fact that, like, I’m different and so we always butt heads, it got physical sometimes. Like I remember we used to fight like fists, literally physically fight and it was– it was just so bad and I was just like, “I have to leave this house. I can’t stay in this house no more.” So I finally applied to Rutgers Newark and first semester was kind of rocky 'cause, again, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do, I didn’t like– I didn’t find my passion in school yet so I didn’t understand the point of going to school. That’s really what it was. I’m like, “Okay, I’m just here again, here in a new school. I’m not home no more, I’m living on campus,” but for some reason I’m just still like, “Okayk, like I’m here.” So, um, then I think right before second semester started I kind of went on this prayer journey. So I was born a Catholic and, um, my mom was a very– she’s a very religious person and I– growing up we were religious as well. Like, we would fast on Sundays, we fasted until twelve p.m. after church, we’d fast and after church we’d eat. So growing up, I grew up in a Catholic household, and so I still had my rules, but I wasn’t as connected to God, you know, during those years and so something– second semester of my first year at Rutgers Newark, I kind of was at a breaking point of just like– I just remember I was in my room crying like, “God I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m just always sad, I’m depressed, I don’t see a point of being here, I don’t know what I want to do with my life,” and so I kind of was at a point of I don’t know where to go from here. And so I just remember crying to God and I was just like, “God, like, I’m going to really try to have a better prayer life if you could just help me– help me figure out, like, what I’m meant to do, lean in the right direction.” This was like a very crucial point in my life, this is, I would say, like the turning point of my life because this is the first time I came to God and was like, “I need your help, like I need you here.” And so, after that moment, um, a lot of my habits changed, um, literally a month after like praying and fasting, I was watching this video on YouTube, and it was a documentary on these three children, they were, I think they were in Tanzania, and they were basically talking about their different lives. Like, how one child, he couldn’t go to school 'cause his parents couldn’t afford it, and the other one, same thing, so they were just showing their lives and that really just like, it touched me and I continued to watch more. It was Vice, 'cause you know Vice on YouTube, they always posting about human rights issues all over the world, so they’re always very much posting about what’s going on in different parts of the world. And so I watched that one video and then I went to their page and I started watching a lot of videos that have to do with human rights, humanitarian rights, and I just felt– I kind of felt very intrigued and I was like, “Huh, this is interesting. Like why is this happening, what’s going on?” And I just started– that’s where my human rights passion really started was watching videos of people who were suffering and not to say I didn’t know what suffering looked like, because when I was younger I did go to Nigeria a lot and, um, a lot of times on my way to my house I would see, you know, my people suffering. I would see poverty all over so I knew what poverty was, I knew what suffering was, especially because my parents growing up, they didn’t really have, like, a lot of riches. I saw it, but I guess seeing it so much and in different parts of the world was like, oh my gosh, like, why? And I kept on thinking, “What can I do?” That’s when I started to realize, okay, maybe I want to go into human rights. So I was like, I looked at what can I do with human rights, what major should I major in? So that’s when I found political science and women and gender studies which is both my majors right now. And political science, because with political science you could literally do anything, that was my head thing. I could do anything, but also I could get into, um, human rights advocacy, policy making, I could do a lot. And women and gender studies because I wanted to focus on women’s rights, and so that video had really– those videos– that one particular video that I first saw, that was literally the turning point and since then I’ve just been such an advocate for human rights. Everywhere, wherever it is, whatever’s going on and when I was on social media, 'cause I’m not on social media no more, but I made sure that I was being an advocate through multiple posts, talking about certain issues, bringing attention to certain issues, also even here on campus, like before COVID I tried my best to participate in a lot of women’s rights marches.
20:00
Um, Black Lives Matter marches, as I did during the pandemic. I made sure I was an active person, not only through social media but also actively doing stuff. I was volunteering at community service things like soup kitchen, food pantry on Rutgers, I just started to, like, be more involved with people and that’s what I wanted to be, I wanted to be involved with people directly. And so then after that, second semester at Rutgers Newark, my grades like literally skyrocketed, I mean I was on dean’s list, like, and then from then on, like to now, I’ve been on dean’s list every semester. My grades changed completely, my outlook on school changed because I finally figured out, and not to say that I figured out what my purpose was on this Earth or what I’m meant to do, but I finally found something that gave me the reason to actually care about school. I finally found something to give me the reason to, like, actually be a better person, like, I finally realized that I am more than just my own self, there are so many other people that need help. There are so many people that need caring, and I think the best way that I learned to– how I can help people is through education, 'cause remember I told you my mom always instilled in my head the best thing I can give you is education. And so, for me, it just made sense that the way that I would help people is through education, which would be through going to school and then hopefully in the future going to law school. And that’s kind of the journey of, like, my career– I switched my major. Once I picked that major then I was like, “Okay I want to go into humanitarian law.” I want to be a lawyer that focuses on humanitarian rights, human rights as well, and I want to focus in developing countries. I don’t want to be, not to say I don’t want to focus on domestic affairs, but I want to be an international lawyer 'cause that’s where my passion started. It started from what was happening globally, not necessarily like, you know, in my– in my own little world. And so, I think me having this– that idea in the back of my head like, “Okay, girl we’re gonna be a lawyer. We’re gonna do something big. We’re gonna be something big. We’re gonna go to multiple countries and we’re gonna live in different countries, we’re gonna help as best as we can. We’re gonna fight for people’s rights.” Once I got that in my head, it kind of helped me get closer to who I am as a person, who I am today. Literally, like I’m in several different organizations, I’m the president of the NAACP, I’m the president of the Blue Footprint Project, which is another human rights organization, I’m also the president of the Women and Gender Honor Society, I have been involved with UNICEF on campus, I have been involved with Rutgers, um, they do sometimes, like, service projects, I’ve been involved with service projects. Like everything that I’ve been involved in these past– I would say since 2019– since 2019, everything I’ve been involved in has stemmed from me figuring out who I am and my passion for helping others, my passion for social justice, my passion for mental health, my passion for women’s rights, my passion for people rights. As people in general, as people we all have rights, we all have freedoms and rights that we’re entitled to just for being human and once I understood that, how connected we all are, I realized that we need each other. Like, I remember I was going through this realization about, like, I forgot like, this was probably a year ago, and just how, like, you know, especially on my social media, we try to be so different from each other, we try to be like– we try to create more division amongst us and I’m just like we really are really all one. We are all humans, like, and that alone is the responsibility that we have towards each other, and so that’s when I really tried to talk to people and I try to speak about often when I talk to people about working together, connecting with each other, you know as the fact that like, we have that right for each other, that right to each other, and especially like with people who are in different parts of the world, like we are– I’m very fortunate that I wake up and I don’t necessarily have to worry about being killed or attacked because my dress is above my knee, or if my arms are showing. I don’t have to worry about stuff like that, but in some countries, like, that’s– that’s– that’s a worry every day. I don’t have to worry about being– I mean people here in America are also– people do commit crime, but I’m talking about crime just because of who I am, you know what I’m saying? Like, in certain countries being a woman is literally like walking on eggshells. You can’t go– it’s crazy the things that I hear and see every day that’s happening all over the world and sometimes it does put me in a very, like, depressive funk because I’m just like, “I’m only one person God, I don’t know how I’m supposed to make the whole world better.” That’s literally how I felt for a while. I used to put a lot of pressure on myself because I know that I can’t help everybody, but it does hurt when– I don’t wanna– Why am I crying? Sorry. But it does hurt when I see these things happen, especially to women my age, and I see it happen and I’m just here like, I feel helpless. I mean obviously I do talk about it on my social media but sometimes I just feel helpless and that feeling of helplessness– it sucks, and that’s the thing that keeps on pushing me to be like, “Girl we gotta do something. We gotta keep on working hard at school, we gotta go to law school. We gotta do something 'cause you’re gonna make changes– that right now there’s only so much that you can do right now.” And so, um, being able to have that passion is literally what drives me every day. It’s what drives me to be– to handle all different responsibilities that I have 'cause I do have a lot of responsibilities and– but like, I don’t mind it because I know that it’s coming from a genuine place, but it’s also things that I know are going to help other people in the long run.
25:45
And so that’s why I love being part of the NAACP, I love being able to connect with other Black people, with other African Americans, because a major reason why I even joined the NAACP was because I kind of felt disconnected from the Black community. I kind of felt– growing up African American, my parents as well as my relatives made it seem very different than growing up as a Black person.
And so, growing up I would always hear my parents and my aunts be like, “Oh you’re starting to act like those other Black kids, you’re starting to act like those Black kids,” like constantly creating that divider between us and like growing up I was like, “Oh, okay, like yeah, I don’t want to be like that,” but then when I got to college, I’m like, “Bruh, like, we’re all Black.” You know police is not gonna– not gonna not kill you because, “Oh you’re African, I’m gonna let you go.” Like, no. They see one color. They see Black. You know what I’m saying? Same thing with other people of different race. They don’t see oh he’s African American or he’s– they see they are Black. And so, that’s why I’m like okay it’s important for me to connect with my Blackness 'cause I am that. And so, being a part of NAACP has really helped me connect with those roots. It’s really helped me connect with the people who are just like me and really connect with our issues and some of the things that, you know, we as Black people go through on a day to day basis and I’ve been very fortunate enough to be able to connect with some people in my organization as well other communities that have helped me understand the plight of social justice for us.
And so that’s why like I’m very grateful for the NAACP, um, I’m very grateful for the opportunities I’ve been able to participate in because of, um, NAACP or even just because of my own personal passion. Like I’ve done a protest, helped with protests, uh, I’ve done, you know, work with different groups, organization groups, LGBTQIA+ groups, um, Muslim cultural groups, I’ve done other stuff with woman right’s groups, mental health organization stuff. I’ve done a lot of things that have– that I don’t think I could even, like, if you were to tell me maybe like a year ago that I would be doing all this, I would ha– I don’t think I would have believed you because I think– I just never saw myself as being the person I am today and being so active and taking a leadership roles because I just was– I just didn’t see myself being this person. Like, I think– I remember like two years ago, like, I was– I was scared to even talk, like, in front of people. I’m a very outgoing person, I’m very like, friendly, but I just felt like I wasn’t smart enough to talk in front of a group of people or I wasn’t smart enough to like, you know, lead people. And I don’t know what made me feel like I wasn’t smart enough, I just like, guess like, seeing other people, you know, people in politics they always had– they would talk a certain way, they had an extensive vocabulary, and I’m like, “Oof I don’t have an extensive vocabulary, so I guess I can’t be that.” But then, I feel like once I started to find my passion and find– connect with who I am, I started to understand how important it is that I’m not like those people. How– how I am makes me, me and makes me different from, you know, people that I used to watch all the time and I used to be like, “I wish I was like them.” You know I tried to get more comfortable with me and all my flaws and I– just to– for me to really understand that being a leader doesn’t look like one leader, you know, there’s so many different types of leaders, and being able to see that even just through certain organizations, a lot of people that I follow on social media, I see how different they are from what society would deem a person in their position to be like, and that what pushes me and that’s what continues to push me to this day, really. It’s just like– I know I’m different, there’s certain things I like, certain things I know society will be like, “Okay, that’s maybe not professional,” or whatever the case may be, but these are the things that make me, me and I think I’ve worked so hard to get to this point of being my true self, you know as a Black woman, as an African woman, I’ve gotten very far to being confident in myself and being proud of myself because I am very proud of myself right now to a point where I don’t ever– where I won’t ever have to fake being someone that I’m not just for a particular position or a particular job, or even a particular– for a particular person.
29:58
I think I’ve worked too hard on myself to ever allow myself to even do that. 'Cause that’s like even now, um, I’ve had comments from people, sometimes when I, um, go to like certain job interviews for like, maybe like, for human rights advocacy, 'cause that’s what I want to do so I’ll go to some interviews and like my friends always be like, “Oh you should probably not do this, or probably shouldn’t do this with your hair,” 'cause right now my hair is grey and blonde, and so my friends be like, “oh maybe you should just do black.” And usually I have long nails, but I don’t have my nails right now, “Maybe you should cut your nails off, too.” And I get that they’re coming from a place of this is society’s rules, society has a way you’re supposed to look when you go for certain interviews. You know people say all the time, “You could find so many videos on what to say on interviews, how to dress on interviews, what to look like, what not to say,” and those videos are coming from a good place because people want you to succeed, but I’m so adamant, I’m like, “That’s not who I am.”
And so, it may– and it has cost me, like, I don’t– I guess actually I wouldn’t ever know if me being myself has ever cost me, like, a position, 'cause they’re not gonna tell me, “Oh the reason that we didn’t hire you is because of your nails.” They’re not going to say that directly to my face, but I can imagine that, you know, stuff like that would probably people feel like I’m not fit for the job, and for me that’s okay because I know I’m fit for the job, you know, every job I apply for I know I’m qualified for and if I don’t get it, I just don’t get it, but– and that’s okay with me. It’s okay for me to be like, you know, I may not get it but at least I know that I was one hundred percent myself in everything. I know hair, nails, these are all materialistic things that is very true, but these are things that I feel like add to my character, they add to my personality, and so for me to take those away, for a job, I just feel like that’s such not genuine and I’m trying– and that’s one thing I’m all about is being genuine and being true to myself because, at the end of the day, like, I have to live with myself, you know, I’m going to die by myself, you know, I’m with myself a lot of time, so I think I have to always constantly embrace myself, always have to embrace my flaws and so I think it takes a while for people to understand that, to understand the importance of embracing your flaws and just being you, like even people around my age, um, there seems to be like– like a fascination with being an influencer, or a fascination with living a certain lifestyle that’s not true to who they are, but because that’s what’s popular and because, like, that’s what people are doing, that’s how they’re getting money, people feel they have to live a certain lifestyle, and I see all the time, especially because I know these people personally, so I see it and I’m just like, I’m happy that I’m not in that phase because I understand that maybe they don’t see it now, and maybe they eventually will see it later in life, but I’m very happy that I understand right now how important it is to be genuine and how important it is to not really look towards other people, because we really could get all the answers we need from ourselves, like, we could go look to people for maybe like second, you know, like, second hand guidance, but I do feel like we don’t need to constantly look at other people to figure out what we want to do, what we need to do. I think– that’s something I’ve been working on personally this summer is to look inward before I look outward in anything I do. How do I feel about this? What do I want to do about this? Like, what’s my first opinion about this, you know, because I feel like when you get a third party in, sometimes it can shift your thoughts based on what the other person says and maybe that person’s not saying anything wrong at all, they could be saying something really great, but that may shift your perspective, and that’s not what you wanted to think, and now you’re thinking how that person is because, you know, they said it, and now you’re thinking about it, and you think it’s right, and they could be right, but I feel like that’s where it’s like, okay, you know, focus on yourself first. So that’s like, for me, that’s something I’ve been implementing in my life, and I feel like I’ve been doing really well, and it’s just like coming to myself first, and just being one with myself. And I think that’s important to be one with yourself because there’s so many things that influence–that can influence on a day to day basis especially with social media– especially with social media, like, everything that’s going on, people living lives that they’re not really living, like, and then you know, a lot of people are interested in celebrity drama, what celebrities are doing and then people think that, or try to implement a celebrity’s life into their lives, but it’s like we will never know the other hand or the other side of what that celebrity– what that person is going through. We obviously– I know we hear all the time we only see what they want us to see, right? We only see the good, the perks of whatever job they’re doing, we only see the perks, we only see the good parts about it. We don’t really see what it’s really like on a day to day basis, and so for us to kind of be like, “I want to be like them,” granted that’s– maybe that’s your motivation to be like them in a certain aspect, maybe they’re successful so you want to be like them in terms of you want to be successful, that’s fine, but, you know, chanting, “I want to be like them, I want to be everything they have and what they like,” it’s like, you don’t know that, you don’t know what they really like, and so that’s something I have, um, I’ve tried to tell other people as well, tried to implement that, you know, because this is the part of finding your true self. This is the part of being one with yourself, I know it takes years and I definitely know I have years, like, I’m only twenty three, I know I have a lot of years of growth. I know I have a lot of years of like, realizing stuff, changing stuff about myself, like I know that for a fact, but I think right now I’m at a place where I’m very content, I’m very content with what I’ve been experiencing and my experiences definitely shaped me as a person, but I’m very content with what I’ve gotten from those experiences because some of those experiences were not good, but I’ve gotten, you know, great lessons from them, and I’ve used them to constantly shape my life on a day to day basis, and so, that’s who I am. That’s me: Faustina.
35:40
I call myself Queen Faus on Instagram, um, because, that’s kind of like my persona– that’s the person I aspire to be, so I know like on Instagram people have like you know Queen whatever, Queen whatever, but I came up with Queen Faus maybe because I wanted to aspire to embody what it means to be a queen, and a queen in terms of what it means, well at least what I think a queen, I think a queen is someone who leads from the heart, a queen is someone who, who’s caring, who’s nurturing, who’s also, you know, a leader, someone who, um, has to make tough decisions for themselves and those for other people and someone who like, you know, cares for people. And so, that’s something, that’s my definition of what a queen is, so that’s why I had that name and that’s why I call myself Queen Faus because it’s the person I aspire to be and Princess Diana is– I, when I tell you I really wish I was alive. I think I was, I wish I was older when Princess Diana was here because, um, I watched a lot of movies, I’ve read books about her and I think one thing she said that continues to this day to stay in my heart, she was like, um, she was in an interview and they asked her, “Do you want to be the Queen of England?” I’m paraphrasing, and she was like, “I don’t think I want to be that, but I would like to be the queen of people’s hearts.” And when she said that it just moved me because that’s really what I want to be, I want to be the queen of people’s hearts in terms of my actions, I want people to see me as, I want, I want to be passion for people and so her saying that, and Princess Diana’s character and again, I don’t know Princess Diana, I can’t really say she’s an amazing person, but I can only speak on what she has said, and how what she has said has influenced me and my journey to fig– to try and be, you know, Queen Faus and so, um, she’s one of the people I will say to this day, like, has a special place in my heart based off of, you know, what she has said as well as her– she’s also done a lot of service as well, and so, um, she inspires me, and so, that’s what inspired me to be who I am today. Faustina, Queen Faus, Owoh. So, yeah.
37:45
Faustina, I’m curious if, um, if you’ve had conversations with your parents about this new direction for yourself and how it aligns with the values you’ve described.
Um, no, I haven’t had a sit down with them. I think mainly it’s because I don’t think they would care. Not saying, like, they don’t care about me, but I think to them– they are very, like, they need the proof, they need like, okay like, “Okay that’s great but what is the proof of this? Like are you a doctor right now? Are you a lawyer right now? What is it?” If I– to them, everything I explained that coming of age, that’s not something they really care about, um, they care more about what they can see. Which is– if you hear, especially a lot of African, like, teenagers my age, they always say like, “African parents don’t care about nothing you’re doing until they see some type of proof that you’re successful at it.” So I know a lot of my friends that didn’t– that did music, right? In the beginning their parents were against it, but once their parents started to see that they were being successful then they’re like, “Oh wow, that’s great, that’s great.” So I think that’s going to be the same way for my parents, um, they do know that I’ve changed my major, but to them, they’re still just like, “Okay, like that’s great,” you know, they want me to be a lawyer, doctor, or engineer, that’s great, but I don’t think they would understand the importance of my coming of age as I do. So I– I don’t think it’s a conversation I honestly feel like that needs to be had with them, honestly speaking. So, yeah.
Um, can you share anything specific about the organizing you’ve had the opportunity to do or participate in?
So um, I’ve, since I came to Rutgers New Brunswick which was a year ago, I believe, or two years ago, I’m not sure, I’ve been active in a lot of different organizations, so I remember when I first came here I tried to join everything I wish I could. So I did UNICEF which is, um, which is the United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund that Rutgers has a chapter as well, and so I did that because one: it’s like, it’s the United Nations, a United Nations program and I love children, and so some of the things we did there was we would help fundraise for children with, um, Leukemia, and we would actually go to this like, um, iPlay– I think it’s iPlay America, and we would go there, we would, like, play with the kids, you know, play games with them and I really did enjoy that. And we also, I also was a volunteer at Ronald McDonald, um, shelter. It was really right near– it’s on College Ave? It’s on College Ave and so I would do that, um, they used to have like every Saturday, so like every Saturday I would go over there, make– I would make meals for the families that lived there, I would make meals, um, help clean up, and I really enjoyed that, like [sigh] I really loved doing that so much. That was actually, like, something I enjoyed doing every Saturday. I looked forward to that every Saturday, it was very, um, it was fulfilling, like I feel good when I do service, it’s not like I’m doing it for like– 'cause I didn’t, honestly speaking, I didn’t even know you could get service hours for that, every service that I’ve done at Rutgers, I’ve never gotten written down for service hours, 'cause I’m not doing it for the hours, I’m doing it 'cause I literally just want to do it. And so that’s why, like, sometimes I even have trouble remembering, 'cause I’ve done so much and I have no record, like I don’t write it down so sometimes, like, oh my gosh, like, I did a lot, I know I did a lot, but I just can’t– I didn’t write it down so I can’t remember, um, but that was something I did with that organization, which I really loved, um, then Blue Footprint Project, which is the organization I’m the president of now, um, when I came, I– that’s where I really practiced my advocacy so I would lead meetings and I would talk about certain human rights violations that– one meeting I did was, um, the cosmetic industry and some of the human rights violations that was happening there, where children– underage children were working in mines trying to mine mica. Mica is an ingredient that’s usually found in anything shimmery, any makeup product shimmery, like eye shadow mica’s usually made from it, as well as foundation, so it gives it that shimmer. What was happening was, in these countries, specifically in India, 'cause in India is where most of the mica is produced, what was happening is, one: the people mining it, they had no safety equipment, they were children under, literally under ten there, and so what happens is that sometimes they would get stuck there, they would die from all the exhaust they were inhaling, and so I talked about that in a meeting. Just the importance of, you know, ethical makeup, ethical companies. That’s something I really focused on and so that was fun to do, that kind of helped me, that was kind of the bridge for me in my human rights journey, um, I also helped fundraise for a certain service trip. We do service trips to certain parts of the world. I helped fund for service trips and so that organization was mostly me just, like, having me talk about certain issues. And then, um, I was also– I was also part of NAACP, and I did a lot, we did the community service for the New Brunswick area, with help with, um, New Brunswick clean up when they were cleaning up the streets, we helped with certain, um, shelters we would donate, you know, like, sanitary– sanitary, um, products to women’s shelters and we, you know, helped also– we also helped do protests for the Breonna Taylor protests, we did George Floyd protests, we worked with other organizations on campus to do those protests and then, um, so that’s something we did and I really did enjoy doing that, and then, um, I was also part– it’s not a Rutgers’ organization, but it’s called Allies for Justice, we helped organize a protest in Hoboken, which was like– we had– I can’t even remember how many people, I think it was like thousands, we had so many people come. So I helped organize that as well.
43:52
Uh, I also helped, um, I also participated in LGBTQIA+ protests in New York about two years ago? And it was with, um, it wasn’t an organization on campus either, but it was, um, one of my friends was part of the organization. She asked if I wanted to help, and I said sure. So I helped with that and, um, I’ve participated in marches. Like there was, like, domestic violence march that happened, right bef– like I think the year before COVID in the New Brunswick area, I helped with that as well. I was part of it. Oooh I feel like I’m forgetting, I know I’m forgetting a lot of stuff, but those are the ones that I could remember as far as like some of the things that I’ve been a part of since I’ve been at Rutgers and obviously many more to come, but those are the ones that are popping up in my head.
44:40
Can you share a little bit about the experience organizing for and then participating in the protests for Breonna Taylor and George Floyd?
Mm-hmm. So, um, the preparation for, you know, the protests for Breonna Taylor and George Floyd, it was– it was difficult because it was very emotional. I think, um, you know, trying to organize, but also being emotionally, like, drained emotionally, just upset, hurt– it was very hard. And so for me and the people I was organizing with we found it difficult to– to try to organize this as, you know, as– as best as we could, and try to be as effective as we could, but there was some points where it was hard because, you know, as we’re planning this– as we’re planning this it’s literally like, they’re talking about it on the news, there’s new evidence coming out each day, each day. Especially with George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, as we were planning it, every day we heard something new, and new information, and new this, and it was just like, oh my gosh, and it was to the point where we were just like, I felt very overwhelmed, like, oh my gosh, they can’t be serious, like, so there was rage, there was anger, and– but we knew that if we were gonna have this protest– we knew that we as student organization, as a student organizer on Rutgers campus, we cannot come at it with rage. Right? Because then that wouldn’t be successful.
We know for a fact that it could be shut down before it even starts, so we had to really try our best to, like– how do we organize something like this where, again, many people are involved but also let people understand that we know you’re angry, we know you’re hurting 'cause we’re all hurting, but we do have to have a sense of responsibility for each other, we also have a responsibility for the fact that where we’re doing this is our college campus, and so there are rules and regulations as well as to, you know, what happens here, you know? And so that’s something that we really had to emphasize to people when we were talking about it, and so– but other than that, I think– one thing I will say that wasn’t that hard was that there were a lot of people that wanted to be a part of it. There were a lot of people that wanted to help out, there was, um, we got donations, it was great. People– and I’m talking about people from different organizations, people from different organizations on campus, people who don’t go to Rutgers, we had so many people willing to donate, willing to help, and so it made the planning part, like the actual planning, a lot easier. Rutgers administration was also very understanding, like we didn’t really come into too many troubles with getting permits or getting their permission to do certain things, um, obviously safety was a concern because, at that time, this was literally at the heart of everything that was going on this was very– and people were scared that it was going to get– people were scared it was going to get riot. People were scared that it was going to get, um, you know, we were going to attack and it was going to get a lot, but we tried to emphasize that and I was very happy that it didn’t– it didn’t, um, I don’t want to say it was a peaceful protest, I feel like because the mad wasn’t peaceful at all, but nothing– everybody was safe. There was– nothing bad happened to people. No one was hurt, and so yeah, that was kind of, um, you know, gathering, organizing for those protests, but it definitely taught me a lot about organizing and how organizing is not easy, like, organizing for anything is not easy. That was my first time, like, actually organizing for, like, a protest and, like, a rally, and it was, like, there are so many things that go into it, so many people, so it definitely, like, it opened my eyes to being in organizing and what that really means for people that do this on a regular– they always organize events and stuff, like, it’s a lot and definitely y’all deserve your props 'cause it’s not easy at all.
48:44
Um, a couple more questions.
Mhmm.
As part of the NAACP at Rutgers, there’s obviously a very strong legacy attached to that and I’m curious, um, what conversations or connections you understand or feel in that legacy. With someone like Deborah who’s present, who’s advising you, what kind of relationship do you have with an older generation of advocate?
So, um, I feel a very strong connection, 'cause the NAACP has– the national chapter has been here for a very long time, and so being part of the organization I do feel– I feel very proud to be a part of such a historic organization. Such an organization that, like, has done so much and more for the education, for the success, for the, you know, for the just the well-being of Black people everywhere. Even for people of color, they’ve done so much, and so being a part of it, especially being so close to Miss Debs has helped us understand, one: how fortunate we are that we’re able to continue their mission on campus, because I think that’s a major thing whereas, like, yes, we’re scarlet NAACP, but we also try our hardest to reflect what the actual national chapter does, and how we organize, how we communicate with the other members. And so being with Miss Debs, her as an advisor, she’s helped us a lot in terms of community service, in terms of, you know, when we need help in trying to figure out how we’re gonna organize this or, you know, what we want to bring to the organization, like how can we be– how can we get more involved with the students on campus? And so, she’s been so much of a help, and them being right there next to us has helped us constantly, like, you know, emphasize our mission, our goal of the national chapter, we’re able to do that 'cause they’re there leading us and so, that’s in the area we implement, like, okay we are on this campus, we need to be the voice of the campus, we need to have people come to us when something’s going on. Like, if they’re facing any type of racial profiling, or if anything is going on where they feel unsafe, we want them to come, to be able to come to us, and we want to be able to do something about it. And so, I think having that name NAACP has helped us understand, understand, one: our role on campus, but also understand how important it is that we are here and how important it is that we do the programs that we do, we do the rallies that we do. We talk about social justice because that’s who we are and,like, that’s what the NAACP, the national chapter represents as well.
51:23
Um, and then my last question is, what’s next?
What’s next? Um, well, first off, I’m finally going to graduate. I’ve been an undergrad for almost six years. By the time I get done, I’ll have been an undergrad for six years, y’all, but y’all heard, like I had a rough college– college was very rough in the beginning. So I’m finally gonna graduate. I’m so excited. I almost feel like it’s not even real, to be honest with you, 'cause I’ve been in college for so long, but it’s finally happening, and I’m excited, and after I graduate I’m definitely going to take a gap year because I need a break, like, I’m tired. I’m definitely tired. I’m gonna take a gap year, and I plan on studying for the LSAT during that gap year, and hopefully, God willing, I will be a law student in 2024, hopefully at Columbia University, 'cause that’s my dream law school to go to, um, but that’s so far– at least within these next three, four years that’s next. I also really do hope to start a nonprofit organization within the next two years, um, I have some ideas about possibly building clinics, or at least starting to crowd fund for starting clinics, in certain countries I’ve been monitoring. So, those are some projects that I’m going to plan on working on, but definitely long term I definitely plan on doing a lot more services in different countries. Like I told you, I really do plan on working in different countries 'cause I can’t– I always say I don’t see myself living in America, 'cause I really don’t. I really see myself constantly on the move, constantly, like, helping other small civilizations build, and so that’s what I see for myself, and so definitely like, you know, looking forward to that.
Faustina, thank you so much for taking the time today.
No problem. Thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed this.
[End of recording]