Jenny Carvajal speaks quickly and with great joy as she discusses the details of her life. Jenny grew up in the Philippines loving American culture and remembers her childhood fondly. She has had an extensive career across the globe and is a proud mother of three. She moved with her family to the US in 2020, and discusses both the positive aspects and setbacks of being an immigrant in the United States.
“But sometimes it just feels like, am I running out of time? Is my career gap widening? Because I feel like it is sometimes, but I look at it from a different perspective, of course. Again, not to be toxic positive, but I– I– I think that there’s a reason as to why I’m in this situation right now and that is really to be there for my children and the time will come. I’m applying for an authorization now, so I think I’ll be working soon and then that’s, you know. But anyway, in the two years, yes, sometimes you will feel that sense of, ‘Oh, what am I doing? What am I wasting my life for? Spending the day doing chores?’ Et cetera, et cetera.”
ANNOTATIONS
Learn More [2]: “Asia Still ‘Garment Factory of the World’ yet Faces Numerous Challenges as Industry Evolves,” International Labour Organization, June 24, 2022.
Learn More [5]: Stephen MacDonald, “The World Bids Farewell to the Multifiber Arrangement,” USDA: Economic Research Service, February 1, 2006.
Learn More [2]: Ryan Thoreson, “‘Just Let Us Be,’” Human Rights Watch, June 21, 2017.
Learn More [3]: Chad De Guzman, “Being LGBT and Catholic In the Philippines Is Not Easy,” Time, June 6, 2022.
Learn More [4]: Neil Garcia, “Male Homosexuality in the Philippines: A Short History” (IIAS Newsletter, November 2004).
Learn More [2]: “Green Card Application Process,” University of Michigan: International Center, accessed June 23, 2023.
Learn More [3]: “Naturalization Statistics,” U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, September 21, 2022.
Learn More [4]: Maria Gabriela Sanchez and Jeanne Batalova, “Naturalized Citizens in the United States,” migrationpolicy.org, November 10, 2021.
Learn More: “In Philippines, New Data Show Declines in Child Mortality, Fertility,” PRB, November 18, 2010.
Learn More [2]: “Mortality Rate, Infant (per 1,000 Live Births)- Philippines,” World Bank Open Data, accessed June 22, 2023.
Learn More [3]: Max Roser, “Fertility Rate,” Our World in Data, February 19, 2014.
tRANSCRIPT
Interview conducted by Dan Swern
Parsippany-Troy Hills, New Jersey
September 30, 2022
Transcription by Hannah M’Lynn
Annotations by Brian Curry
[BEGINNING OF RECORDING ONE]
[00:00:00]
Today is Friday, September 30th. Uh, it’s 12:09 p.m. We’re here at the Parsippany Troy-Hills library. My name is Dan Swern, and I am here interviewing?
Jenny Carvajal.
Um, Jenny, thank you so much for all the time you’ve given me with sharing your story on the phone and sitting down today, and–
Yeah!
And we’ve got a good chunk of time ahead of us, so.
Okay!
[laughs] Whenever you’re ready.
Yeah! Alright.
Um, just start from the beginning.
Okay. Well. So, when I was a kid, I do remember my great-grandmother. Um, she moved to the US I guess when she was about 40 years old? Um, one of her daughters, my grandmother, um, petitioned her, and, um, so she, I think they were the first in her generation to actually move to the US, and this was in California. Um, and then I would remember every time my great-grandmother would go home. She would bring this huge box of knick knacks from the US, and I would remember, you know, just lining up. I was about 5 years old. We would– they would be like twenty grandkids, and we would be lining up at her door. She will be handing out chocolates, you know, sneakers. That was the first time I tasted sneakers. And then she would give, um, um, you know, clothes that I thought smelled really good! Like, it was the first time I smelled that kind of smell, and I didn’t realize years after that that was the smell of Downey, I think. Um, but it smelled really good! And those were jackets, like, second hand jackets. But I guess for me as a child who didn’t have much growing up? That was like, that was awesome. Like, that was Christmas. Um, every time she comes home. So she will give us, you know, those little things. Um, that for me, it was like, um, gifts. Um, and I don’t know what country it came from. I just know that they came from the US and, and I was like, “Hmm, maybe someday I would go there– go there as well.” So, um, um, I think those memories of, you know, um, so you– your– you grew up poor, but also you– there were– there’s things that made you want to be more. To do more, you know? To lift yourself from– from a certain lack. Growing up with lack. Um, yeah, and I think that was a really nice memory of me and my great-grandmother. Um, and, um, so yeah! So, she– she goes to the US, and I remember also when I was a kid, I grew up watching a lot of, like, I felt so much affinity with American culture, ‘cause, you know, I grew up watching MacGyver. Falcon Crest. The A-Team. I don’t know what else. A lot! Like, seaQuest. What else? Star Trek. So there was this affinity in a way with your culture that I do remember so distinctly.
[00:03:31]
And I remember MacGyver, like, MacGyver will teach me how to create something out of nothing. Just from the show. I remember I was like 6, 7 back then, watching that show. And that really inspired me to– to be more resourceful, I think? To, to really explore, use my imagination to create something. And, um, yeah. Those were really nice memories that I have as a kid. Um, um, yeah. And I– and we don’t even have TV back then. We would go to a friend’s house, to a neighbor’s house, and we would watch those shows. Um, um, yeah! It was, growing up, um, I think those– those TV shows that dream, to do– to– to– to be more, to do more really inspired me to– to, I guess, you know, just want to achieve? Just want to, just want to be the best version of myself. Um, so I grew up in a small community, so you can imagine. So here in the US you have wheat flours, right? Like corn fields. In the Philippines, I grew up in a small house, um, at the center, and around it are just acres of rice fields. Yeah. So, and also fields where we grow corn as well, eggplants, tomatoes, um, and I just grew up with all those, um, you know. When I was in first grade, after school I would be selling tomatoes with my best friend. Like, we would go around the neighborhood, just selling tomatoes. Um, I remember it was like, 1 peso is like a dime? Or a penny in the US dollar. So one Philippine peso. So we will be going around, just selling those tomatoes, eggplants, corn, whatever we were able to harvest, uh, during the, um, at the fields. So that was after school. And to me I guess, as a kid, I wasn’t– I didn’t feel pressured by it? I know, just looking back I felt like, you know, it, it inspired me. Like, I’m not trying to be talking positive, you know? [chuckles] I’m not trying to romanticize my poverty.
[00:05:57]
But those were just happy memories! Like, going with your best friend, selling tomatoes, going with your sisters, going around the neighborhood, exploring neighborhood, meeting people. So those were really nice! Um, I would earn, like, my grandmother would ask me to, “Hey, how much did you earn? Did you sell all our, our,” whatever she asked me to sell. And, yeah, I didn’t feel really burdened by it. It was just nice, I guess, you know? Um, yeah. So I, I grew up in that. I– I guess I was never hungry because we were growing food around us. It’s just that we don’t have money to buy the, um, all the fancy stuff like brand new shoes. I distinctly remember, I wore the same shoe from first grade to fifth grade. The same black schoolgirl shoe. So that just spells that we don’t have that much to buy ourself some fancy stuff. But, um, but yeah, um, I guess, you know, growing up with those memories, um, growing up in that situation makes me appreciate what I have now. Like, um, in, it made me really want to do, um, so, so in elementary I was always at the top of my class. Yeah, I guess because it’s a small town. And I used to read a lot, like, I remember, because our country, so I’m not sure if you know, um, our country were, um, colonized by the Americans as well. Basically, the Americans built our education system. So I will find, um, our libraries filled with a lot of American textbooks, um, encyclopedias. So in our school, I love reading. I would sneak out a book or two and I would just read about it. I would see pictures of meadows that I’m not even familiar with the flowers, but I would see them in those books. I even remembered I was reading about the American Revolution in one of those books, um, back in our school library. So I’m a reader. Like, I love reading. So I guess that’s why that helped me to, to be a good, um, student? I guess? So I was always on top of the school from elementary to, um, high school. Um, so, well, not really in high school. Something happened in high school, but I’ll tell you about it later. Um, so, so yeah, I love reading and, and books were like my, my escape back in the day. Of course, playing in the rice fields, playing with my friends. Just, just play. Good, classic play. Um, I love that. Um, and then I grew up in, you know, because we have to, um, move from, from different, um, from my house, um, sorry. Um, because I have to, you know, walk, um, from our house to our school. It’s not that– it’s not that near, um. I would cross rice fields. We have this called the rice paddies? So there are like small walkways there and I would just walk. I love walking and all the way I would catch probably a frog or two. Catch some snails. I remember those times! It was really fun. And in the summer, those rice fields, they were just starting to plant the seedlings.
[00:09:28]
So it would be dry, and then they would set up this huge irrigation pumps. So they would pump out, like, volumes of water and then we will be swimming in those puddles, like. It was crazy! Like, little falls and, um, we would get all muddy and all, but it was, it was just amazing.
So I– I actually miss those things! I’m not sure what my kids will remember when they grow up, [laughs] but I guess those are things that kids nowadays don't experience as much. Um, so, so yeah! Um, again, going back, I don’t want to romanticize the poverty that I grew up in, but those were memories that I wouldn’t trade for anything else. For a fancy shoe, I guess. Um, so, so there. That was elementary. Um. I had a lot of good friends, made a lot of good friends in school. I was always the, the one who would recite poems, like. I would always be the ones to sent to competitions. I don’t know why. Um, poem declaration competitions, science competitions. So they would send me, and I would sometimes win in the district competitions. Um, but, but it was fun. And I think being from elementary, being a child, um, being, um, the top, one of the top students in your class. That sort of set my mind that I have to do best as I grew up, you know? Like, I have to do, I always have to, um, um, give my best game as I started growing up. So, so, yeah. Sometimes it was, it’s not good as well, because when you feel like, when you grow up feeling like you’re on top of the class, you treat other, others, um, um, that you’re better than them. So it’s not good. And I think I was able to address that as I grew up, but that was the mindset that I had as a kid. So, um, so yeah. That was elementary, and then I moved to being in high school. So high school. Oh my gosh. The teenage years were just crazy. Like, I didn’t enjoy. I’m not sure if you enjoyed high school, but I didn’t enjoy high school at all. Um, so I was performing. I was in the top ten, still. But then, at the second year of high school, um, my appendix exploded? So I had a ruptured appendicitis. That’s what they call it.
[00:12:04]
And I had to be out of the school for almost three months. I almost died, like, literally died. Ah, because we were, because we were poor, you know, my– my parents can’t afford to bring me to the hospital right away. Like, I distinct– in the Philippines this is how kids with stomach ache are treated. They will be given the last food that they eat, so for example, if I eat a banana, and then after that I get stomach ache, what they will do is the old ladies will do is they will burn the same banana, or they will get another banana, burn it on charcoal, and then have you eat it again. That’s what my mother did. She gave me a burned banana and it just worsened everything. So I was like, home for two days. I was not feeling well, and then I didn’t know, we didn’t know that my appendix was already exploding inside. So I almost died two– two months. One month in the hospital and then another month bedrest, because they left like a huge, I don’t know.
‘Cause you know how your skin has layers, right? They didn’t sew the first layer, they just left, they just sewed the, I guess, three layers under? And then they left the first layer open. So I had like a huge, huge wound in my belly. And then I have some holes for you to drain your, um, all those fluids inside. So I had to be home. And that really changed a lot. Um, that moment, I was sophomore, I was 13, 14 years old. You know, just beginning to form your identity of who you are. Um, and then transition to adolescence. So I, that really shut down my confidence. Like, that made me feel so insecure. And I– I used to have long hair growing out, long shiny black hair. But the doctor said they have to cut the hair– they should cut the, I should cut the hair because I was so thin. Like, I’m border anorexic level. So I had to cut my hair. My self esteem just plunged way, way down. And that defined the next three years of my life, because at first, if you’re out of school for three months, you are still learning the basics of like, for example, algebra, geometry. I wasn’t able to learn the foundations of math. So that really affected me a lot. And no one, in public schools back in the Philippines. You will not get a private tutor. You will have to pay, and your teacher will not even, you know, give you that assistance even though you went through a medical, um, emergency. Um, so yeah, that really plunged my self esteem, like, really way down.
[00:15:10]
And, yeah! I didn’t, from there on, you know, how I was so gung ho competitive back elementary to second year? That all disappeared back in high school. I was like, “Uh, I’m just gonna copy my classmates, um, assignment.” So it was crazy! Yeah, and it just depended. I guess I was a typical teenager. I was so, um, I loved being with my friends. We’re cutting classes. We’re doing many awful things. Yeah, but then at the fourth year, that’s when I started to go back to my mindset before. A little bit competitive, a little bit, “Hey, I wanna, I wanna do it well.” So the fourth year, I– I examined for the national, uh, for the state university in the Philippines, and then I passed. So I was one of the ten students in the entire class to pass that. Um, um, state university exam. So I got accepted, and then yeah, and then I got a scholarship. So, so yeah! I guess, you know I, when I’m looking back, I talk to my mom now, I– we talk about that incident, where she fed me that burnt banana. We were just laughing about it, but back then, I knew it was so hard for her, because, um, maybe, um, if they had brought me in like five hours later, I could have died. And, and, yeah! I remember her. She was crying at my bedside after my surgery. She was praying to God, saying, “Oh, just, just give me the pain! Just give me the pain.” Because it was so painful for me as 14 year old. I was so thin, and, um, it was just so much pain. And you have this big wound in your– in your belly. That’s why I can’t wear two piece swimsuit! Unless I have a surgery, because it’s so huge, still there. Um, but yeah. That’s, I guess, that’s what, you know. If you don’t have the means, if you’re– if you’re poor, um, yeah. You don’t get access to– to those– to things that will save you or things that will make it easy. So yeah, that’s, that’s it. And then, high school, again, because we will, um, because we don’t have that much, you know, my– my– my mom didn’t have work. My dad worked for a garment factory. He was a sewer. Um, but then that garment factory had to close in the Philippines because that’s when the time when China opened its borders, and when China started building those giant, um, um, industries. Um, manufacturing company that they– a lot of, you know, in the Philippines before, um, a lot of garment factories were subcontracting work for companies like Mossimo.
[00:18:12]
Um, you know, international brands. Um, even Faded Glory. They have Faded Glory in Wal, uh, Walmart. So the Philippines would take a chunk of that work, build a fab, um, build the clothes in the Philippines, so my father was one of the sewers in the garment factory. But then that garment factory moved its operation to China when China opened, so, so my dad lost his work. So that’s the time. I would remember, um, you know how the Philippines is a Catholic country, right? So there’s a lot of people who have that altars built for some, some religious traditions. They would have, like, a figure of Mother Mary or baby Jesus in their house. So those altars, they would put on fragrant flowers on them. Like, a lei of fragrant flowers. We have trees that uses, uh, that grows those flowers. So what my dad would do before work, before we go to school, early in the morning, six AM, we would climb up those trees and he would pick those flowers? And then we will be down the trees, like, ten feet high. And then we will be under it, picking those flowers that he’s picking up, um, um, atop of the tree. So we will be picking all those flowers that he will drop. And then we will put them in a bag, and he will sell it. Um, about an hour away from our house. So, we remember those mornings that we– we sometimes go late to school because we have to pick those flowers. And then my dad would sell them, and in return we will have money for the next day. So that’s how he, we were making ends meet. And then, he would occasionally ask us to sell some things in school? And my mom, she would sell some blankets, um, around the neighborhood. But mostly I would remember not eating anything in high school. [laughs] So we will start the day at eight o’clock and then go– go home at five. Um, that’s in high school. It’s a long day. I would remember not eating anything, just because we don’t have money. We only have money for the fair. Because we have to ride a jeepney, it’s called. It’s like a mini bus. We have to do a thirty-minute ride from our house to– to the– to where we study high school. So we use– we don’t have money for lunch. That’s why I was so thin when I was in high school. I’m telling you, you should see a picture. I was so thin. Like, borderline. And then, yeah. It’s a great, it’s a good thing, though. And I think this is where my faith comes in.
[00:21:01]
I was surrounded with just some friends who helped me. My best friend would feed me sometimes. She would buy me a– a bread and a soda. Now I have something to eat. But there are good days as well. But mostly I did not enjoy high school because of that. Elementary, I guess, because I was a kid. But high school, the time when you see some other girls being so fabulous, having shiny shoes, having their, you know, they just look so good and here you are. You have nothing. So, so yeah. I didn’t enjoy high school as much. So, yeah! And then, what else? What else do I remember about high school? Um, yeah. I– I never learned a thing about algebra! Like, I hated it because of high school. Because of my appendicitis. Because of everything that happened that day when my mom fed me that burnt banana! [laughs] I– I hated, um, geometry. I hated, um, algebra because I didn’t learn a thing. But there’s one thing that I really love, which is physics. I love physics, so. That one, that one subject I really, um, was able to get a really good grade. Um, so there! So, um, going back, I– I told you that I got accepted into the state university. So this is like the highest public university in the Philippines. It’s government funded. It was set up by the Americans as well, by the way. Um, it’s called University of the Philippines. So I got accepted into that. Um, I– I– my course was mass communications, major in journalism. As to why I picked that, I don’t know why. [laughs] Again, I’m telling you. I was high school. You know all those stupid things that you, you decide on. So that state university has six campuses. The main one is like an hour away from my house, from our home. So you are given two choices. So, of course I picked the first one, which is near our, near, an hour away. And then the second choice I was not thinking. I was just going through the motions, I guess? Because all my friends were trying for the state university, was filling out the examination forms. I was just picking the random things. And then I picked the second campus, which is six hours away. So it’s in a mountain city back in the Philippines, north side of the Philippines. That city was also built by the Americans. It’s like their mountain resort back in the 1920s. So I picked that campus, and that’s where I got accepted. It’s six hours away from– from our home. So I was sixteen when my parents sent me to that state university.
[00:24:02]
Um, I had to find a boarding house with a friend, so it was my first time living independently, you know? 16! I was like, this small, I was so thin. I was 16 years old. I did, but I loved to cook, so that– sorry, that was one thing that my grandmom and my mother taught me? I am so good at cooking! Well, at least Filipino cuisine. So that helped me through college, so I was able to cook for myself. But it was hard, because, you know, you’re just learning to be, you’re not even 18 yet, but I had to live on my own. Of course my parents would send me money. By that time, my dad already found another work. Um, so, so they will send me money occasionally. No, regularly, every week. Um, yeah. And then, so, so there I would, we found this, um, boarding house. I lived with girls, with girls of different ages. And I even got exposed at that boarding house, that was the first time I ever got exposed to the gay scene? [laughs] ‘Cause I have a lot of boardmates who were gay, and then I was like, “What the heck is happening?” Because I saw gay people sleeping with other gay people. You know, I have a lot of gay friends. But that was my first experience, um, you know, just seeing, being there, being boardmates with them. Um, so, so yeah! It was fun. College was like when your eyes– the scales from your eyes are just lifted and you’re like, “Whoa. This is the real world. This is adolescence.” So, so yeah. I started, so I lived on my own. I was taking journalism. Again, I’m still reeling from that insecurity, coming from that, um, surgery I guess. So I was very insecure. I was an introvert. Like, I didn’t join a lot of organizations back then. I had a few organizations. I had a few friends. But I was a very introvert, insecure girl growing up. So, um, and my, the library was like my sanctuary. I love the libraries. I would just read and read and read. Um, so yeah! That was college. Um, so I was, so at first it was so hard for me to adjust to, um, living on my own. But then I would go home two, like every two weeks, and that’s six hours away. That’s far! If you drive, and I'm coming down from a mountain, that’s what they call it. Because that was a mountain, um, region of the Philippines. We would go down and we would ride the bus. That was really a– a long travel. Um, but by my fourth year, I was not even going home every two weeks. I was only going home, like, every after semester ends. Uh, because I love being independent already. So, yeah, but college, so, I hated high school, but I loved col– college so much.
[00:27:18]
Like, it’s the time [clap] I’m– I’m reading a lot of, you know, Sydney Sheldon, Daniel Steel, Gabriela Garcia Marquez. Um, I love all them. You know, I think that’s the time that you really form your identity, you know? When you’re in college and you’re free from your parents’ guidance. At least, in my case. Um, they were off my back. They’re just sending me money, so I’m free to do whatever I want to do. And that’s where I also learned to drink. Like, I would drink my own gin, bottle of gin by myself. Um, yeah! It was really fun! Um, I didn’t like smoking because my grandfather died from, um, emphysema, so I promised myself– I promise him I will never touch a cigarette in my entire life. So that was, I guess that was really a good influence on me because I love my grandfather. I forgot to mention, he was the one who made my childhood, um, experience so sweet as well? Because he will be bringing us to the farm. He’s like my dad. He’s– he really became my dad. And he was the one who forced me to watch MacGyver right away. [laughs] And seaQuest, and Star Trek. So he would always go to, when, when we already had the TV, the television, he would always come to our house, watch those American shows, and then I will be watching with him. And because then, you don’t have Google, right? We don’t have internet yet. I would ask him practically anything. Like, like we call them Lolo, like, “Lolo, what is,” if I have an assignment, sorry, if I have an assignment I will ask him, and he will just answer out of nowhere. I don’t know where he gets it. He’s like my walking encyclopedia. So he’s like, “Oh, this is what happened, these are the first people who, who made the airplane. They’re called the Wright Brothers.” And I don’t know why, but when I checked it, it’s true! Like, like, oh my gosh! My– my grandfather, I guess, was, he was so smart so I– I, he was like my encyclopedia. But then, I, yes, he died of lung cancer and that really hit me hard. I was like, because my dad growing up, he was always away. Because he would work, like, two hours away from home. And it was my grandfather who really stood as our dad, like. He was a male figure in the family, so, I love him so much. So, yes. When he died I was like, “No. I’m not gonna touch cigarettes, anything at all.”
[00:29:56]
Um, and I guess that’s where he– he also played a huge influence in my life because he was the one who taught us to– how to be, um, con– more involved with the community? Like, he would run for positions in the, we call it “the Barangay”. It’s like a district? So he would run for positions. He did not win all the time, but he would sometimes get a position, so he taught us to be involved in matters of the community, like, to be more socially and politically updated, I guess. And involved. Um, so, so yeah! Um, that was, again, going back, college was fun. Um, that’s where I learned my identity. That’s where I started building it, really, and that’s where I got in touch with my, more with my artistic side. So I started, um, I’m, remember, I’m taking mass communications, major in journalism. But I was, I wanted to be in fine arts. Like, I tried to shift from, um, from mass communications to fine arts? But I got declined because the– the college professors said of the fine arts, um, department said that, you know, “Just finish your course and then apply for a second degree if you’re still, if you still like it.” But anyway, because I wasn't accepted, that’s when I started joining competitions? So I joined a lot of comp– painting competitions. You know how it is like, you have the theme, and then you just form an artwork around that theme? So I won in the European Union. Um, Art contest about women empowerment, so I won that. I won the top prize. There’s also a, um, a, um, a base. How– what’s– what’s like, um. It’s like an American base, um, in– in the north side of the Philippines. So they would run their competitions every year as well? And it’s on the spot. That means you have to make it, um, along with other artists, so, um, I won the category for the 16 to 18 years old? So I won that top prize again. Um, for, we were given four hours. I made a painting about a child’s dream about tomorrow. [laughs] Yeah! So, so again, that– that artwork was, like, drawn from my experience growing up poor and then what I dream about the world. So yeah! I– I earned a lot doing those competitions! And also won a poster making competition for Coca Cola. Again, back in the northern side of the Philippines. So I guess, you know, the– those were things that I, I did, um, like doing. And then I did the, I did editorial cartoons for a newspaper, so it’s very political. Like, oh my gosh. I was making cartoons about our current president, um, which actually, so I was making a lot, and then that president actually got ousted. Um.
[00:33:12]
Um, before I graduated college. It was the– the controversies around him, just like, a lot. But I loved making those editorial cartoons. Um, yeah! So I made a living, an extra living out of, extra money from– from joining contests, from making editorial cartoons, from– I guess I mentioned to you, I– I would even offer my services to a birthday party, like, doing cartoons for kids. Um, and also, um, for a band, for marching band. I would make their uniform. So, yeah! It was really fun. The arts really helped me go through college. And I’m still, I was taking journalism. I hated journalism! [laughs] I wanted to be more an artist than a writer. Um, I hated, not like, well, I would say I didn’t love it as much. I really wanted– I– I see myself applying for, to be a cartoonist, to be a designer, yeah. I was taking journalism around the same time. So yeah! So I guess I was flipflopping between the two, but still, I kept my journalism because my mom, my parents can’t support me for another degree. So, yeah! So, so that was it. Um, college was amazing. It’s– I guess it’s the time of your life where, you know, um, you know, you’re still making stupid decisions. I even practiced witchcraft, I get drunk all the time. [laughs] Um, yeah! But, but overall, it was such a liberating time of my life. I didn’t get involved with boys too much, ‘cause they didn’t like me! [laughs] Because I’m small, I was thin, but then by around the fourth year, um, yeah, that’s when I had my first boyfriend. So, but anyway. [laughs] Um, and then, that first boyfriend, oh my gosh. He got stabbed when we were together, so he brought me to the, um, boarding house. That’s when we had our first kiss. [laughs] And then, two hours later, I would learn that he was stabbed in a park! Like, some random person doing marijuana was– stabbed him, and good thing he survived! But, yeah, the day after, we were just crazy because we, somebody called us that he was brought to the hospital and then, good thing he survived. So that was, that was a huge, um, shock, but I’m just thankful that he survived, you know. But we eventually split up, but I guess, you know, that’s a memory that I would remember, and he would remember, maybe, but, yeah. I’m just, I’m just glad that if– if he didn’t survive that, I don’t know what’s gonna happen.
[00:36:04]
What, how it would affect me now. But, yeah. Those, I guess, yeah. College is the time you make really stupid decisions, but they’re– they’re good memories, I guess, that you can go back to and reminisce. So there! So. I graduated college with a degree in journalism. I was, I’m telling you, like, this is why I am really very serious at telling my children that they need to take things seriously with, not, yeah! Seriously, but also still have fun. Because I was, like, two points away from being a cum laude, like, having that medal and I seriously wanted the medal. But I was always sleeping back in college. [laughs] Like, I loved to sleep! Like, I would sleep. I don’t know. I– I just– I just oversleep sometimes, even in the library, like, I would wake up with some marks on my face and go to– to class. But I guess that really, um, ruined everything for me. I was two points away. I could have slept less and do well more on my exams. But anyway, so, I think that was a missed opportunity for me because I wanted to make my parents proud. Like, on the graduation day, I seriously wanted that they would walk with me as if someone put a medal on my– on me. But that was a missed opportunity for me, so I’m a bit, yes, serious in telling my kids that sometimes you have to take exams seriously. Well, you have to take it seriously. If you have to not oversleep, um, and not procrastinate. Um, don’t do it. [laughs] So, so there. Um, so that was college. And then I was, um, so remember, I have a mass communication major in journalism degree. So I applied for this, um, public relations company. And, um, so happens that he was an Asian Wall Street Journal writer, and also an Economic Times writer. He’s an American as well. He set up a public relation company in the Philippines. Um, back here he was from Texas. I knew that he grew up in Texas. He was a Baptist pastor, but then he went away because he didn't want to be a pastor, so he went to Japan, um, studied foreign relations here, uh, in Asia, and then he set up a company in the Philippines. Though I just emailed him one time, and then I asked him if he’s looking, if they have an opening in– in the company, and then he emailed me back. He said he has an opening for an editorial assistant. And I was– and then I went to their house, their house was the office. And I didn’t know that he would accept me on day one! Like, okay! So– so I guess those are the times when, you know, when you think like, yeah! Um, I, again, I– I’m a– I’m not saying I’m a religious person, but I believe that there are things that happen to you for a reason, and there are blessings, so, so this guy.
[00:39:33]
I don’t know where he came from. He just accepted me. He trained me. Like, he’s so good. He’s already 45 years old. Um, white male guy who married a Filipina Spanish girl. They set up their own company, and then he hired me! I was fresh out of college. I look, I look awful because I didn’t have fashion sense yet. And then he just hired me to be his assistant. And then he trained me to interview CEOs. He trained me to interview, um, because our clients back then were tech companies, IT companies. Um, back in the early 2000s, that was when the global companies are just starting to outsource their contact center industries. You know how, the voice, the customer service? And that was the– that was like the beginning, when the Philippines were start– were starting to attract investors to set up their contact centers. Call centers in the Philippines. So our, um, client back then was, um, Microsoft SAP. You know. Big IT companies. And then he would send me to just interview those executives. Um, just to talk about, ask them about what’s happening with the project, blah, blah, blah. Their– their latest technological investments. Again, because it’s PR, so they want to– there’s no bloggers back then. There was no social media influencers. It was a traditional public relations work where in, you just send out a piece of press release to newspapers, and then they will just publish it based on interest, and based, of course, on the relationship that you were able to form with that, um, newspaper company. So again, yes, that guy, his name is, God bless his soul, he already passed. His name is Michael Alan Hemlin. Um, so he trained me to do that work, that public relations work. And his wife, she’s organizing events here and there. You know, press conferences, um, launches, a lot of launches back then, like, product launches. So I got a bit of, I got a training in both PR and events management, and I would eventually use that, um, in my line of work. And that work, um, actually helped me to– to go in line with my current practice now, which is corporate communications.
[00:42:08]
So, so yeah. That was him. Um, am I boring you? [laughs] No, I’m good! So, so yeah! So, yeah! Can you imagine, like, a thin girl, 21 years old back then? I’m telling you, because of the way I look, people think I’m only in high school. Like, I would go interview an executive and that, they really thought I was high school, and I was joking, like. I would go to a receptionist and I would say, “I’m here to interview so-and-so,” and she would be like, “Is Mr. so-and-so going to interview you?” I was like, “No! I’m going to interview him!” And they were like, they just don’t believe that I will do it. ‘Cause I look so small. And then I remember as well, buying that, those cheap glasses? Reading glasses? My vision is 20/20, even up until today, but I would buy those reading glasses and wear it just to look more mature! So it was so hard! I’m telling you, that was one of the one thing that I had to struggle with as I navigated myself in the– in the– in my work. ‘Cause people think that I’m too young for, versus my age. So, so yeah! And then, I would go out, interview CEOs, interview IT executives, organize press conferences. And I think that really opened up a– that really helped me to look at things from a bigger perspective, to– to be more sociable. So remember I told you how much of an introvert I am? So, but then, yeah, it started. That was like, “okay, you have to go,” and then I was just becoming more sociable, and more sociable, and more sociable as time goes by. But I think it’s also inherent in me, because I saw my mom do it as well. Like, my mom growing up, she was so sociable. She was so friendly, like, so, so for example, like, in our neighborhood there be like five houses. So she would go from one house to another. She would be saying hi to all of those people, like, “Hi! Good morning! How are you?” Blah, blah, blah. She was so sociable. I think I saw that growing up, but I do know that I’m still an introvert. But I, but now I, looking back, I saw it and I think I’m just becoming like her as well. So, so yeah! Um, so again, that was my work. I was doing PR, I was organizing events. And then, um, and then I resigned from that company from– and then I moved to a Telco company, um, um, in– in the Philippines.
[00:45:00]
It’s also the number one telecommunications. I was hired as an internal communications specialist and, um, I was part of a five– of a six, um, man team who were doing, who were, um, basically disseminating information to all the employees of that company, just to let them know of the latest products, latest policies, new tra– new services that would impact customers. So I was part of that team. And then two years after my boss picked me to manage that team already when she moved to a different, um, department. So, all my teammates were my seniors. [laughs] So they were, like, five years ahead of me, two years ahead of me, and here I am, just, I was younger. I was two years into the company, but then, yeah! I struggled with that, like, people looking at you like, “Hey, you were just new and here you are coming to manage us!” Because the Philippines is a very hierarchical culture as well. Like, yeah. People– people are very serious with tenure? Like, um, they consider someone who is tenured to be more capable of managing a team. But I think that has changed since. But anyway, I struggled with that. Um, it was hard for me to manage some of my teammates who were against me. Um, but then eventually, um, you know, things would reorg. I started to build a new team, so, and then my team also became like a mini creative agency for– for– for the department, so– so yeah. I guess that was– that was–, that was a highlight of my career. Being promoted fast and, um, um, yeah! Just being able to manage my own team. I guess I was 25 when I was, when I became a– a manager? And around the same time I also got pregnant. [laughs] And I got married, and, yeah! I wasn’t ready for marriage. [laughs] But, yeah! I guess, you know, that’s God’s way of, you know, just steering you to the right direction. Of course it was a stupid mistake. It was a stupid mistake. But, yeah. I got pregnant. I didn’t want to get married, but it was, you know. It was meant for me! You know, and then, and then here we are. I’m still married to the same guy, 17 years! Yeah! And my daughter is now 16! So it’s– it’s a blessing. It’s– it’s a mess starting, but I think, I think it’s now become a miracle, so– so to speak. [laughs] So yeah! So that was it. Um. What else do I have to say? So, uh, yeah. So my child is now 16. Um, and I guess, you know, that’s– that’s a thing that changed me a lot.
[00:48:02]
When I became, like, remember how when I told you how I used to be so competitive in a sense? But when I became a mom, I didn’t even think about the people around me. I just wanted to be home, to take care of my daughter. That’s why I would just do all of my work, like, the best way that I can. I tried to work as smart, as smart as possible because I need to be home to my kid. So I– I really did that, like, like, and I start– And I think there was a sense of liberation when you started to not compare yourself with others just because you’re focused on this one thing, and that’s my child, that’s my family. So I didn’t care about what people think anymore. I just want to get things done. I’m gonna get home, and then, you know, whatever you need to do, do it! But I’m getting home to my kid, and I did what she asked me to do, so that’s done. So, that’s was really, that really gave me a sense of liberation, you know? Because I guess as young, you know, as a woman growing up, being career oriented, there, you will be affected by how people think of you, you know? By the way people think you should do. It’s hard being a woman, I guess. Um. So yeah! So that centered me, being a mother, and– and a wife. Um, so, so there I manage a team. I was with a Telco company for six years. But I was overworked, like, I would go to the office, I would be there at 7:00 AM. That means– that means I need to leave home at 6:00. And then I would be home by 11:00 p.m. Yeah! That’s crazy! Because traffic is so bad in the Philippines as well. Like, takes me about two hours just to get to the office, and then back to the office another two hours. So that’s four hours. So that was really why I had to resign and I was like, I can’t do this anymore. I just want to raise my– my daughter. She was about 4 years old at that time. So I wanted to raise her, and then good thing my husband, he was assigned to, um, work in Canada. So I was like, okay! That’s great! So he’s earning extra money. I don’t need to work yet. We have one kid and I want to take the time off. And– and, which is a great timing. So at least I was able to take the time off. So he went to Canada. We went there with him as well. We stayed in Vancouver for three months. It was– it was amazing. Um, yeah, and then I got home. Uh, I went back home and then I was a stay-at-home mom for three years. That was wonderful. And then I started missing working again. [laughs]
[00:51:00]
Started missing, um, having my own money again. It was hard, like, I guess as a mom, this is really the thing that you would always be in constant struggle with. Family life and your own financial independence, or sense of self fulfillment I guess. Um, so do I want to take care of the kid or do something else? So it’s a constant struggle. Um, and I’ve always felt that. So there was a time when, in those three years that I haven’t had work, when I would go to, for example, an Old Navy store in Vancouver, and I would feel so much self pity! Because I can’t buy the things that I like! I have to work within a budget! So, yeah! So I guess those are things that you have to struggle with! Um, being, being used to earning your own keep, I guess. So again, I started to work again. After three years I already have my second child. He was seven months back then. And then I started to work. So this time with United Health Group, which is, a, um, an insurance holding company? They manage [clears throat] sorry, United Health Care, which is an Insurance here. So I was employed as, um, an internal communications manager with United Health Group. When I joined, there were only 500 employees, but by the time I left, there were 10,000, 12,000. And these are employees handling voice services, claims processing, payment processing, you know. All the things that they used to do back here, it was being outsourced, um, um, the back office productions, I guess. So, but that would mean there was a lot of work for me, because as an internal communications manager, it’s not just the emails I’m working. I’m working on organizing town halls, you know? Organizing events, people engagement events. Christmas parties! Um, annual days. We call it annual days. It’s when you, um, treat employees to celebrate an important anniversary or whatever. So! It jumped from 500 to 10,000. That means I was really stretching myself. So I was able to grow my team. Before it was only me, but then, um, at least of the Philippine team, but by the time I left there were only, already five of us, because the work was just too much. Again, I consider myself a workaholic. I really want to do things so well that I would leave the house at 5:00, 11:00 AM because I’m working mid shift. 11:00 AM, and then I would go home the next day at 1:00 AM.
[00:53:56]
Like, that was a crazy schedule, and I would, remember! I have a seven-month old child! Um, and then I had my third child. So a year into my company, I had my third. And I was crazy, like, I would be driving my car. I was eight months pregnant. I would be going to events, organizing events, the whole shebang. It was just crazy! But, you know, the– the career woman in me was like “Ah, yes! I got this! I love it!” But then the mother in me is like torn apart. [laughs] Again. So, but yeah! I guess, from United Health Group to– to the next, um, so I resigned from there after three years, and then I went to, um, Telstra? It’s an Australian telecommunications company that also has a contact center office in the Philippines. So I was hired as the, um, global communications and engagement manager. Global contact center communications and engagement manager. So I handled two, three people in Australia and four people in the Philippines. I had a, I had a big team. Um, and we did the same thing, people events. I would organize events in Australia. I would bring people in Australia for– for– for an annual conference. So again, it was a crazy schedule! Because I was doing the comm side of it. The comm side is pretty stable, because you just have to make an advisory about the latest product launch, the latest policy change, the latest iPhone coming out and what are the packages, and send it out to the employees. It’s that easy. But the other side of it is the events. So we would be– the biggest event that I managed was, like, attended by 10,000 contact center employees. So, yeah, the whole work that goes into it is just crazy. And we had to do it in, like, five different sides. So one side today, another side the day after, or also in the same day. It was just a crazy schedule. But, again, like what I told you, the career woman in me is like, “Oh, I love it so much!” But then the mom is like, “Okay.” [laughs] The mom was, like, passing all those guilt trips. Um, yeah, but it was, it was really fun. I– the– the highlight of my career there is really organizing that event in Australia. I organized two events, um, um, and it was– it was just fabulous, I guess. Um, yeah! And working with different people, like, like, it was really nice just to expose, um, yourself and just be, not expose! To, to just have that experience, you know? Working with, on different projects, getting to meet people and everything else. And getting to know cultures, so, that was really fun. I love working with Australians, like, they’re so chill! [laughs]
[00:57:05]
But I’ve also encountered a lot of racist people! But– but I’m like, “Okay, you’re good.” But the rest are really, really just warm people, including my boss. So, so yeah! Three years with Telstra as well. And then I, and then that’s the time. So this was around 2019, and that’s the time that Elmer found this job here in the US. So Elmer is my husband. He found this– this– the job in the US and I was like, “Okay. This is, we are doing so well in the Philippines, like, both of us are earning well.” But thing is, working graveyard shift, and I was also working, like, really crazy. But we love it! We have our house, we have our– we have our community there. Everything was set up already. The kids also have a– a nice school. But then, the one thing that really made me decide was, was Elmer was working the graveyard shift. I was like, he can’t be like this forever. He has also a heart condition, and he can’t work that way, like, any longer, so I said, “Okay, if that means we have to move the whole family, then– then, you know, probably this is where God needs us to.” Because also at the same time, I also have to let you know that, when he applied for the job, he has to go through what we call a lottery system. The US would do a raffle as to who can actually apply for a certain position. So, and Elmer’s name was picked. So, so he was picked, and then everything just flowed, like, really fast. So he was already moving back in 2019. Um, he was sent to– to be the first to go, and then we will just follow him. Um, and that’s the time I resigned. “Okay, I’m gonna enjoy.” I was like, “Okay, I’m gonna–” I would resign from Telstra. It just so happened there was also a huge restructuring that was happening. So my role, remember my role was in the Philippines? But I also had some people in Australia. But with the restructure, they were moving half of the operations back to Australia. And my role was part of that. So, so I was technically impacted? And then my boss– but– but even before that, I already wanted to resign, because I know Elmer is going away and then I wanted to take care of my kids, too. I– I already have three kids at the time, and the two were just really small. So I resigned in January, and then my boss said, “Hey, just wait it out. There will be a major restructure coming, and you can get the cashing, cashing!” The severance package. So I waited! And then I got– I also got the severance package, thank God, from my boss. He’s– he’s so sweet, like, he wanted me to get that money. So, yeah! So, uh, so yeah.
[01:00:12]
So I resigned, again, full-time housewife. I was enjoying, because I have a severance package. I was enjoying just shopping. Not, not doing a lot, but just, cleaning the house, doing some renovations, blah, blah, blah. The whole works. It was, it was so fun. Uh, yeah! And then Elmer moved to the US, and I was like, “Okay, this is our decision for, um, he will move. I know that if I, if we also move, I won’t be able to work.” Uh, but that is all part of it! You know? And then I will have to apply for authorization. I would just have to wait it out. And I was like, “Okay! That’s fine.” Um, then COVID happened. COVID was like, ugh. This was a huge curveball. Because we were supposed to move in March of 2020, and then COVID happened, and then everything just was so different. So, um, I had to sell the car, give the dog to my sisters, sell, take out everything in all of these happening within COVID, like, everyone has to wear masks, there are no suppliers, you’re supposed to– to go, to be locked in your house only. You can only go out for certain things. In the Philippines, it’s what, it was much stricter. Like, for you to get from one town to another, you had to have a pass. Like, they called a quarantine pass. Um, and then you had to apply for it in the police station. So you had to go to a police station, then you will have to get checked by a doctor. Blah, blah, blah. It was just so difficult. But I was able to do those things. Um, during COVID. And then we were able to– to move, to move here at the height of the pandemic. So it was, yeah. It was, moving was crazy, because, again, like, my kids, they have to move to a new school. We don’t know how the school system works. Um, I have to take care of the house, I have to take care of so many different things. And then, we don’t even know if we will be able to fly! Because at that time, they were requiring PCR tests before you fly, right? Whatever your destination is. The good thing is, between that window, September, when Elmer booked our flight, PCR test was only required in the state of Hawaii. Not in JFK, not in the rest of the United States. So I was like, ugh, thank God! Because otherwise if we will get the PCR test and we will test positive for COVID, God forbid, that means we will not be able to fly, and that means, how much? $8,000 US dollars will be done.
[01:03:00]
Ah, not, not $8,000! Maybe $3,000, because there were four of us traveling. So I was like, I was getting so anxious and stressed by that. But good thing within that period, they waved the PCR test, so we did not get it. We were able to fly here. And then start a new life. So, so yeah! And that’s it. We’re two years now here in the US. Um, I’ll show you a picture. [laughs] I said I wanted to show you this one. [shuffling] So this is our home magnet. Yeah, so we had this when we came. This is our fall picture. This is in 2020, Haden Park in Randall. And then we said– and then I scheduled another shoot this eve– this year on October 15th, because that was October 18th, so I guess I wanted to do a second anniversary shoot of our move here in the US. So, so far, moving was, um, really good for the kids. They were able to adjust well. Um, the two were like, nothing happened. The two kids. They were like, they instantly folded back in. And I guess the reason is because, you know, um, one, they are very resilient. They are like, 8 and 7 years old only. And I guess it’s also the knowledge of the language? The language really plays a good part in it. And I think I’m just thankful that where we came from, English was like a mother tongue already, in– in a sense. ‘Cause they were, they used the language in school. They use the language at home. But we still use our local language at home. Um, my teenager, she was 15 when we moved in. I was very worried for her. Uh, because she's a teenager. She has her friends all back in the Philippines. And you know how hard it is for the new, you’re the new kid in school and you’re, like, in the teenage years? It must be hard, right? But, she was able to blend in so fast as well. Um, so I’m very thankful for that. Um, she loves music, so I guess– I guess the arts really play a lot in your adjustment as a person. I don’t know. I guess, for non– non-creative or non-artistic people, they– they will always find a certain way to cope in certain situations as well, right? But for her, she loves music. She loves painting. She loves– she loves to play the guitar and piano. And I guess it also helps her to adjust where she is right now, whatever situation she’s in. And it’s the same for me. So that’s why I’m– I’m just so thankful that, you know, we haven’t, we have at least an outlet to draw our energy, whatever that is, positive or negative. So that helped my teenager to adjust well. Um, the two are like, “Ah! I’m good! I made new friends! I have a best friend now!”
[01:06:09]
And like, oh! They’re like so adjusting well! Like nothing happened. Um, so yeah! So that was it. And I’m just so thankful that this community is just so wonderful! Like, this, the Lake Parsippany where my two kids went to–
Well, like, nothing happened. Um, so yeah, so that was it and I'm just so thankful that this community is just so wonderful like this. The Lake Parsippany where the, my two kids went to, they were super helpful. Like, I, there was not, no, no problem at all, like, moving them to– to that school. So, it was, it was, I– I expected for it to be difficult, but thank God it was not difficult at all. But there was one thing that was. I was so worried. Like, moving here. Because you know what happened during coronavirus, right? Like, the– there was an Asian hate happening during the pandemic. That was one thing that I was so anxious about and friends around me are saying, “Oh, why are you going to move when people are, when that's happening?” You know? Before the lockdown there were already some form of Asian hate, um, just because, you know, they think the Chinese brought the coronavirus. So, and we’re– we look Chinese in a bit, so they associate us with that as well. So that was the one thing that I was really worried about, like. At first, when I moved here, Sept– that was September. I didn't want to go to grocery. And they want to go to a– to a shop. Good thing there is mask back then! So, I somehow felt safe because I'm not, “Okay. They're not going to see I'm 100% Asian!” [laughs] So that was just me. That was just going on in my head, but I didn't let my kids see that. 'Cause I don't want them to feel any stress or any anxiety around it. But in my mind, I felt anxious that we're moving to especially to, you know, with everything that's happening. I was worried at that time and even until now, it still comes to me. Like when I go to New York, I'm still very, very careful. Um, yeah. Because I know that it's one thing that, you know, it will always be looming around us, and you can't control what people think of you, but you can only control what, you know, how, how you view yourself. I guess. So, yeah, that was one thing that I was so worried about, but good thing so far, two years? Everything was fine, thank God. Um, yeah, uh. Yeah. So, two years went by, but I'm still personally– though, I think I told you about this on the phone already. I still feel that, you know, it's, it’s still hard to be– be financially dependent. Like, I read this article then for South Asians? They treat the H4 visa as a golden cage. Yeah, because you're in a country where there are so many things that you can do. You're– you’re being supported 100% by your husband, et cetera, et cetera. You can take care of your kids 100 times the same time. You can't do what it is that you love to do, even as– even a simple form of employment you can't do, because you're absolutely not allowed to do any form of work.
[01:09:27]
So, I somehow feel that, uh, pressure for my own sense of personal fulfillment, I guess? That I– I want to, like, I want to build a website for a friend but also earn something from it, you know? But I can't do that. Uh, I want to do some part time work, um, do a social media campaign or whatever. They can’t do that. So, from time to time it comes to me, that sense of “PT”. Called PD? I'm not sure but sense of, “Hey, I could– I could– maybe I can do this. Maybe I can do that.” But sometimes it just feels like, am I running out of time? Is my career gap widening? Because I feel like it is sometimes, but I look at it from a different perspective, of course. Again, not to be toxic positive, but I– I– I think that there's a reason as to why I'm in this situation right now, and that is really to be there for my children, and the time will come. I'm applying for an authorization now, so I think I'll be working soon, and then that's, you know. But anyway, in the two years, yes, sometimes you will feel that sense of, “Oh, what am I doing? What am I wasting my life for? Spending the day doing chores?” Et cetera, et cetera. But– but yeah, I just come back to a place where I– where I, you know, I really see what's more important. And it's not the money. It's– it’s really the time that I have with my– with the family and being able to support my husband. So yeah! So that's, that's it. Um, yeah, and two years now I'm, a lot of things are happening, a lot of adjustment for me, like, I just last Tuesday went here, um, to attend a seminar for preparing for college, because we have a college student soon in two years! Oh my God. So, yeah. So, and it's very different here. Like, back home, yes, you can pay for college if you want to a good, but there are a lot of options. But here, I know college is not 100% mandatory for students, right? But it's still something that you, I guess as a parent you want to aspire for your kid, to achieve right?
[01:12:03]
Like, you want to have, to secure a better future for them. That's why I want to send them to college. So anyway, so, so that's one part of it that we need to, to prepare for, um, in the coming years financially. Um, with the– with the two kids, they're still a– a bit far out, so I think we can still prepare for that. Um, so, so, yeah, still there's still a lot of adjustment. I'm not saying that we've settled in 100%. Um. Still a lot of learnings, um, a lot of adjusting to the culture, too. And me, of course. I– I want to, you know, start rehashing some of the skills that I have and, and probably learn, learn some new skills as well, just so I can be ready when I go back. So, so yeah that's– that's being normal, I guess. Yeah, but I love to cook, okay? [laughs] I love cooking. That's– the things that keep me busy really is, um, I do a lot of things that would give me some self, sense of purpose, you know, so I do a lot of volunteering, um, I– I belong to a church called Every Nation New Jersey. It's literally every nation! Like, it's a church where you have people from different ethnicities coming, so it was, it's really nice. So I do some volunteering work. I work in the Women's Ministry. Um, I do graphic design as well, so just for the social media campaign. I do, um, some slides for our pastors. I organize the women's brunch. Um, and then in school I, um, participate in the PTA, and then personally I am building this website for myself and also doing some, some drawings and illustration. I– I plan to launch the website in– in, um, in my birthday, November. Yeah, it's called, I’m– I’m not gonna– well okay. It’s called about, it's, the name is “The Courage to Age”. It's really about my journey as a– I'm no longer– I– I don't consider myself as a “Mommy Blogger” anymore. It's more of my journey as a woman transitioning from 20s, 30s, to 40s into 50s. So, I see myself as doing that. Otherwise I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't put it out there! [laughs] There's just so many thoughts in my head that I feel like I'm going crazy if I don't put it into writing. So yeah. So, so yeah, I'm trying to really make myself as productive as I can, otherwise I think I'll go crazy. Um, and then I do a lot of gardening as well. Yeah. So, there's a community garden here in Parsippany. I have, like, my own 10 by 10 foot of gard– of, of patch, organic farming, by the way, you're not supposed to use any non-organic things there. So, I planted tomatoes, eggplants, basils, a lot of herbs, so yeah, but I– I– I need to take it out now. [laughs] Yeah, they're only giving us six months to plant in that patch. So, yeah, I'm, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what people call it, but I guess, you know, that's– that's just one thing that I do to adjust to my situation, to cope with my situation, to– to not feel like I'm missing out on things, you know, I'm– I try to really focus my energy on things that I think would contribute and that would help. And yeah, I wanna, I wanna keep talking. I want to keep being, I just, I'm just borrowing Brené Brown's word. Keep being, keep daring greatly? [laughs] Not daring greatly. Daring, at least, because, you know, otherwise, you know, I don't want to look back at my life and say, “Oh, I've wasted so many time, work hours watching Netflix or what?” So, yeah, I'm just in that phase of my life that I wanted to do as much, yeah, given with the time I have.
[01:16:16]
Because pretty soon I– I think I will find myself being in a, in my daily work, again, you know, if I, if I have that authorization. So, trying to do as many things as I can now, yeah. Yeah. I'm finishing a book for a friend. This is like ten years overdue. I promised her that I will make a book of her life, like a children's book, but I wasn't able to finish it. I had like 3 pages of drawings but I wasn't able to finish the rest, so I hope I can finish it before her birthday. Yeah. So there! [laughs] Yeah, I– I know. I guess without– Yeah, without this, this passion to create, I don't think, how else I'm going to be able to adjust? Um, yeah, being in my age, be– in my current situation. So yeah, thank God he gave me that! Gave me some talents, some talents to work with. Yeah! So, so, so there. I just like to do things. That's why I'm here talking to you. I was like, I was like, “Hey, I want to do something, what? What can I do?” And then I came across that page. I was like, “Oh, this is fun! [laughs] I want to talk, I want to, I just want to give, contribute something there, out there. Be a little vulnerable!” Um, yeah, so, yeah, that's why I'm here talking to you. [laughs] Not sure. Oh, okay, we have like thirty-four minutes still! [laughs] Sorry, I'm not sure if you're finding me boring already. Okay, so um. Yeah, one thing that I like, um, in my neighborhood, is the– so, remember where we went into that neighborhood during a pandemic? So, nobody knows, people should know people, right? So, I'm– I didn't know. But in that block, I– I happen to be the person, and I'm not bragging about this, but I happen to be the person who was able to connect the people who should know each other already! Um. So, I became friends with my neighbors. Then I was, I was able to introduce them to each other, like, but before the pandemic, they weren't doing that, I guess, because the neighborhoods here in Parsippany are just so busy. Like, everybody is so busy doing their own life and being busy with– with their work, with the personal matters that smiling to a neighbor was, was kind of take– take off some of their time, but anyway! Yeah! And anyway, yeah, so I– I was just happy that, you know, uh, I was able to introduce my next-door neighbor to my front door neighbor. Um. But they should have known each other for some time! But I guess it's because I was there always. Like, I was tending to my garden, I was, you know, people pass me by and I will say hi to them. I will do some small talks.
[01:19:34]
I know. I'm pathetic sometimes, right? Like I– I want to talk! Like, you know, I just want to talk. Like, and then, yeah, so we, yeah! So, so after– that was late 2020. So, we got together the, not got together but, I– I think there was some more sense of closeness now in that little patch of, yeah, but– but there are also some problems. But anyway, I'm not going to talk to you about that. But anyway, yeah, I, I just feel like, um, it's nice. I guess as an immigrant, you know, sometimes it's more safe. People tend to be more safe just, being on your own, um, safe place, you know? Like having some friends that are the same as you, same as your ethnicity. But I guess I'm not, I'm not that kind of person? I seek out. I seek out to be diverse. I seek out some people. So, my friends are, my neighborhood friends are all white. So I– I became really good friends. I even dog sit my front door neighbor's dog like– like, it's– it's not just the dog, it’s the bird, the cat, and the hermit crab. [laughs] So, so yeah, I guess I'm that kind of person that sometimes I– I– I tell you, I'm an introvert, right? I grew up an introvert, but I tried to seek out, beyond my comfort zone.
[01:21:06]
Like, even in church, you will not find me– I told you, right, that we're a– we're a diverse church? Um, there, and there are a lot of Filipinos as well. But the moment that the church service ends, I will not be with my fellow Filipinos all the time. I would go out and meet new, different people. Like, I'm, I'm that kind of person. Um, but of course, my Filipino community there, I will always love them. Like, I– I will always be there for them, but I will try to reach out as much as I can. So, I guess that's what makes my experience as a new immigrant here more meaningful as well? Just because I– I consciously try to not be, to not feel comfortable at all times, and even meeting you! Like, meeting you is like is– is, you know? Sometimes, it's– it can be uncomfortable, you know? But yeah, I try to be, I try to go out of my comfort. I think that gives me a sense of purpose as well, a sense of meaning, so, so yeah, I'm. I guess I'm that kind of person that I will actively seek out other people, meet different people. Um, yeah! The– the funny thing is in, so I pick up my kids in school. Um, I have a car. Before it was five seater, so I would be bringing in some other kids as well. Kids who just want to hang out. So, we had to change the car because there were too many kids going with us already! So, I had to, to– to buy a car that has seven seats just because there are a lot of kids who want– want to– to go home with us. So, so my house now is like, you know, after school, especially during the summer, it will be crazy. Like, there will be a lot of kids going inside the house. So, so yeah, I guess I– I'm that person who loves, loves to, to, yeah. For my community, we meet new, meet people from all walks of life, I guess. Yeah, even though I know in, inherently that's uncomfortable. But I find joy when I get past that discomfort. I, I find joy when I, and a sense of fulfillment, uh, when I get past the walls and just reach out to others. So, so yeah, I guess that's me. Sorry, I'm just, talking! [laughs] Yeah, I guess as an immigrant, what I'm saying is that the easiest thing to do is to want to feel safe, you know. Find your people. Find your own people. Yes, of course! That's so easy, like, and that's so comfortable. Yeah, but I guess you also need to– to be someone who's more conscious to also reach out, just so people can also get to know you.
[01:24:04]
Get to know your culture, and by then you somehow build bridges, you know, instead of building walls upon walls. So. So, yeah, I guess that's me. [laughs] Yeah, yeah. I’m running out of stories to tell, to be honest. What else? What else I'm gonna say? Oh! Yeah, so this summer we tried 'cause we're still living in a rental, um, house. So, this summer we tried to buy a house in the neighborhood, but the market was like crazy, was really crazy. Um, um, we made two offers in the area but we didn't make it. Um, yeah. But I didn't know how hard it is to– to– to find a house [laughs] in this place. Yeah, but I still want to live here. I love how the kids are growing and I think this is such a nice area to be in just because of the diversity, and the good school system and– and also Parsippany is so near everything, and it's near New York as well. You can, you can just ride the bus to New York, etc. So yeah, I think that's one of the things that draw us here to stay in this area and– and– and it just so happens that this was the area that my husband was assigned to the first time he worked in the US, like. He can be assigned to different destinations, you know? Like, he can be assigned somewhere else in another state, but this is where he found work, and this also happens to be where, you know, the church that we belong to was as well. So yeah, I guess it's just, you know, it's just a blessing to be here. And, um, yeah, and we love it. It's just hard to find a house. It's so hard, like, oh gosh, they're– they're a bit overpriced, but I'm– so we'll try again next year. Hopefully we gotta get the house that we own. Because right now we're not– we're living in a semi-private apartment. We're sharing the house with another housemate, so it's not like, I told you, I love to cook, right? I don't have my own private kitchen. So it's– it's– it's a bit hard because you have to find your schedule, um, when you cook in the kitchen, but yeah. But it's an adjustment. But I learned to adjust with it anyway. So yeah, I still, we're still praying for that house. It's just hard, yeah. And we have our house– house back in the Philippines. We wanted to sell it, but I– I don't think it's a good time to sell it right now. So, yeah, so. So yeah, hopefully we get to purchase our house here, um, have the kids grow with their newfound friends. They're, it's just so nice. You know, to see them making friends with– and I like for them to grow with these kids as well, so.
[01:27:11]
They're pretty good kids, so yeah. But yeah, whatever happens where, we're now in the second stage of our green card processing. May take around, maybe another year or two, um, for us to get our permanent residency, and that's why I'm still waiting for– for that authorization to fall through. You know, for the third phase of the green card processing to fall through, so I can apply already for work authorization. So, so yeah, it's– it's a long process. You just have to be patient, I guess. And I guess we're lucky because we're Filipinos and our visa processing is not as long as it would take the other nationalities. Like India, for example, it would take a long time because they have a big cap. Uh. They have a big supply of people applying, I guess for residency, but they have a cap over– over them. For Filipinos, it's not, it won't take too long. So, but yeah, I guess it's always a, you just have to be patient about it, um, yeah, and– and then just bloom where you are planted I guess? I guess not. Again, I always have a disclaimer that I don't want to be “toxic positive,” but you know, I guess I just want to look at it at a positive way rather than focus on the things that I can't do, the things that frustrate me each day, like waiting for the kitchen. [laughs] But yeah, I look at it, I consciously look at it from a different perspective, yeah. I miss working! I miss– I miss the, yeah, the perks. The, you know, being able to buy your own stuff, like, oh my gosh, and I was working, I can buy whatever dress I want, like, I would go to Zara, you know, they're really nice brands. But then now I have to go fight and hunt for– for bargains, for the clearance sale. But that's fine. I brought all of them anyway! Back from the Philippines, I brought all the nice fancy stuff I was able to buy when I was working. But now, yeah, I have to like, go to Burlington, go to Marshalls, yeah. But I love those two stores. I love those two stores. Yeah. It's very different when you're earning your own money and you can, you know, live a little. [laughs] Yeah, but anyway, I'm– I'm not complaining! Um, this is a phase in my life. I guess as an immigrant, you always have to start somewhere. And people before me, you know, I am. I think I'm, you know, I know the stories of other people who went here as well, who doesn't have as much. And I– and I know it's not, it's– it's– it's not the same situation for everybody, so. I'm just thankful and I try to be thankful and grateful for where I am right now.
[01:30:22]
Yeah, yeah. So, going back to cooking, I love cooking, I, just because I just watched Cook last night, you know, if you know Netflix, yeah, Cook is like, it's a– it's an amazing documentary about human evolution that was really influenced by the way we eat our food. Anyway, that, that is the show in a nutshell. But, um, I, I grew up with a grandmother who loves to cook, like whenever there's a feast in– in the family, she would be assigning me to chop the onions, chop the garlic and at an early age, 7, maybe 6, I was able to do it in, with the science, you know, I was able to chop onions like really fine uniform, garlic, etc. And then she would, I would be watching her cooking. Um, sweets, um, sweet purple. Yeah, you know all the Filipino delicacies. Um, so she really exposed me to– to that craft, too, to cooking. And– and I think, you know, grandmothers are– are– are a gift. And that's what I'm missing for my children! They don't have a grandmother near them. Well, my husband’s mom lives in San Francisco, so she was able to visit us for a week, for ten days this summer. So I think that was great for the kids to see them, to see her. But my parents are still back into Philippines. Oh gosh. I miss them. Um, but I guess they were able to make some family memories with my kids, um, growing up. But yeah, yeah, I– I just– just miss– miss the grandparents so much. Yeah, yeah, my parents. Yeah. And my sister, too. My sisters, too. 'Cause that's one thing that you really let go of as an immigrant? Because you really leave everything. Pack up, leave everything, friends, family, etc. Unless you're going to–, to the US with all your family members already here. But for us it's different. We came here, we don't have any family. So that's one thing as an immigrant that you have to be prepared for, um. I guess in our country people think that going to America is like, “Oh, people are picking money from trees there,” etc. But at– at– at the young age, I know it's not the case.
[01:32:59]
Like, I guess because I watch too many shows with my grandfather but I know it's not the case. Um, that's why even though I know, I love the culture. I'm so, I have so much affinity to the American culture. But, you know, like, growing up, I never really had it. My mind said that I would like to go here, like, live here. Because I guess, because I– I already have my sense of purpose back home, you know? Um, but yeah, I guess, really the reason is, my husband, I want to, I want to have a better quality of life for him. I know it's so, sounds so. It sounds so, um, altruistic. But yeah, I guess I just want a better quality of life, for– for the family, for the kids to be with him, for him not to be asleep during the day, you know? So, that's really the reason why we moved here, and yeah, as an immigrant, you have to really just pack up everything, leave everything behind. In my case, my career, my friends, my community, my support system. Yeah, good thing there's Zoom. And there's Messenger. But yeah, I guess that's one of the things. And just start over. Even my career. But I know I'm going to start somewhere, you know? I– and I don't– I don't think I'm going to go back to the level, level where I am. And I think that's also not as possible. But, yeah, I'm just, I know I have to start somewhere, like, lower, I guess, when I go back to the corporate world. Or maybe even just do my own business, build websites, whatever. But yeah. So yeah, before I used to picture myself as a vice president for a local company back home. This is back home. I– I already have a picture of where I want to be, you know? Like I want to be this 50 year old doing talks to– being a lecturer, blah blah blah, to universities, blah blah blah. I already have that set in my mind, but it's, I know it's not, it's doesn't always work that way. So yeah, so that's why we moved here, start anew. That's why I'm writing that blog, the Courage to Age. ‘Cause I feel like I'm, I'm already 40? 41? So I feel like I have to capture all those thoughts, because years are just going to pass so fast. I want to leave something to the world, something that, you know, maybe some other girls can, can, can find useful. My children can find useful. ‘Cause time just [snaps] passes by so fast. Yeah, so. Yeah, I guess that's my life in one hour and forty-four minutes. [laughs] Yeah! Is there anything else that I would like to share about my, about– Yeah, I don't know. I think it would be nice for you to,– to see it also from my husband's perspective? Um. But I guess, um, yeah, I guess it's different from my perspective just because, I guess as a mom he just– he can't just decide for yourself, you know? It has to, the whole thing, like, it has to be the kids. It has to be the spouse. It has to be that, everything has to go so, so yeah. It's– I'm in that stage of my life that I'm really actively seeking, trying to be more conscious, in a headspace where I am looking at things from a positive perspective, that I don't let myself down. Otherwise I'm gonna go crazy.
[01:37:01]
So, yeah. So, yeah, because I guess there's that myth that if you're a stay-at-home mom, oh, you're– you're blessed. You like, you're blessed, you know, like, being a stay-at-home mom is a goal for so many moms out there working. But when you're in there, you try to find meaning in the– when you do the dishes, when you cook and you're entrapped in a routine. So, so I guess it's, it's not, it's not really, um, it's really something that you have to be consciously aware of? And you have to put things in the right perspective if you're a stay-at-home mom, and you shouldn't focus on, against the negative things. So yeah, I'm just talking the, blah blah blah, yeah, yeah. That's it, and yeah, um. There's just so many things that I want to do here, where I am now. I'm just, I feel like I'm only starting to scratch the surface, like. Like– like, um, yeah, I– I don't know with the family, with– with my, with my career, etc. So, there are just so many things that I'm trying to– to plan myself in the next ten years, I guess. I guess it's because, you know, when you're an immigrant, you really, you really get thrown to a new environment. You're really basically thrown to square one, especially if you don't have work, if you're not working so. So yeah, and the possibilities are endless! That's what makes it exciting. But also, you have to be able to narrow things down. You can't be all over the place. So, so yeah. And then apart from that, of course the financial impact, financial side of things, like you need to save for your own house, you need to save for the college kit, for the college fund of the kids. So, you also have to also be dead serious about, uh, you know, being more financially stable, uh, being able to pay for what you have to pay for, etc. So yeah, yeah, it's like starting over. Yeah, that's– that's really how I think about it. To put it into perspective, when we move here, it's like we're given a new life and, the, how we handle it, it's up to us. It's exciting, but it's also, um, quite, um, can give you, so it can make you anxious at times, but yeah. Yeah, I'm excited for the kids, too, you know, to be who they can be and to to do what they want to do in life, life. Yeah. And I guess there's this one thing that's also quite liberating when we moved here. Because remember how in the Philippines, you have this community right? And you have kids who are growing about the same age as yours? And there will come– come a point where in, for example, my child will go to this college. There will be at this point, there will be, like, a sort of comparison? If you're in a community where you saw each other's kids grow up, like, sometimes as a parent you know your kid’s success can be a measure of your success, too? I know it's unfair, but I think when we moved here, that was all gone, like–
[01:40:29]
Like, being, you know, having that comparison with the– with your peers back home. I think that was all gone, and I saw that in my daughter and my eldest daughter because she was like, “Oh, I'm going to do this,” blah blah blah. She felt a sense of liberation as well, just because she's no longer comparing herself with the– with the same group of friends that she grew up with. So, so yeah, I guess– I guess that point of comparison came out of the window, got thrown out of the window when we moved here, so. It was– it was nice because we're starting over. Starting, yeah, back to square one, I guess. So yeah, that's, that's it. Anything else? Sorry, I'm just, I'm just blabbing, blabbing, blabbing, blabbing, blabbing. I don't know how you, I don't know how you even, you know, stay awake with everything that I'm saying! [laughs] Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, um, yeah, I'm just glad, um, you know, now that we're here, I get to talk to, I get to talk about my experience and share it. Um. Being an immigrant is not easy. It's not easy to be a foreigner in a foreign land. But you try to, and I appreciate, can I just say, I appreciate these things that you're doing, because I think it's important for people to really talk about these things and understand from, from a different perspective, you know, like so. So, remember how I told you that we went to Hershey Park? So it's because of a company event for my husband. So they were given a retreat. Um, so too nice. They were booked to Hershey Lodge to get to meet their colleagues, etc. And then I was– I accompanied him as a plus– a plus one, so I went to see some of his, um, colleagues and then I met this, um, this, um, person. So, so they were white. They were a white couple. We were the Asian couple. And we were just talking to each other, blah blah blah. And then, so she was asking about where we came from. And then I asked her as well, like, um, “Do you know your, your ethnicity? Like which part of Europe your ancestors came from?” Blah blah blah. And she was like, “I have no idea!” She's like, “I consider myself an American. Like, I know I'm part Italian, part German, blah blah blah, but I consider myself an American.”
[01:43:07]
And I think her just saying that was– was also very important for me to hear, you know, because with the things that are happening in this country, you know, how, how there are so many racial problems, um, I think it's important for me to hear as well that, yes! For someone who grew up local like you, I don't know if you, if you're here like 100%. Yeah, sometimes it doesn't matter if you look back to where your ethnicity came from, it just matters, it's very important where you, the culture that you know, and I like the way that she appreciates her culture. Like, she grew up in the American culture and her identity is 100% American. Like, for me I think that's important for other– because sometimes, um, I guess some immigrants would assert that, “Hey!” You know, “You can't say that. America is a nation of immigrants, blah blah blah. Everybody came from somewhere.” And I'm like, yeah, but for a person like her to say that. Because she– she grew up in this country, you know? She– she– she, her– her identity was formed in this very country, and I have no right to– to tell her that, you know, you should– you should find whatever country you were originally from so that you're not racially biased or whatever, you know? I think it's just important to understand each other. And I– and I love that conversation that I had with her because I also told her that I would understand sometimes where Americans are coming from because I know it's quite uncomfortable, you know? Again, it's a question of comfort, you know? And, and I appreciate, you know, just getting it, seeing it from her perspective. Because I'm also local of my country and I love my country to bits, like. I like being, you know, Filipino. Like, I wouldn't even, you know, I– I love it. I– I'm very active in the political scene before. Not active, but I used to be an activist.
[01:45:15]
So, I'm very involved politically? But not in a– in an office capacity, but in just some, um, projects. But anyway, I do see where she's coming from and I think it's important for us to have those conversations. So, thank you for– for having this. I think it's important that we hear it from different sides, you know, for people to understand it from our perspective and for us to also see you more and understand you more, based on, you know, your influences. Your love for this country. ‘Cause we, I think we all should– should– should hear those words from each other. So yeah, sorry, I just, it's just, yeah, so yeah. I had– I had that conversation because I guess that couple was just so clueless as to why, for example, her first question, and I always get this from locals like, “Do you use English in the US, in the Philippines where you come from?” I was like, “Yeah, it was it's like second to our local language.” And they have no idea! They feel, like, they are just so amazed if they see that we can speak English, so,so well. So, so yeah, she has those clueless questions about where we came from as well and was like, yeah, I'm happy to just share it, I guess, yeah. It's just nice to be out there, have that discom– uncomfortable conversations, because it's– it's nice when you go past through that, um, and really understand each other more so, so yeah. Yeah, I know. And as a mom, that's why I, that's why I'm volunteering for the PTA, you know? I like meeting other people. I know it can be– it can be uncomfortable, but I like meeting people from different cultures and, like, understanding them, just making new friends? I guess. So, yeah. You know, I kept, I keep on talking. [laughs] So, I guess that's where I– I tell you that I– I guess I got that from my grandfather because he was, so yeah, I would, you know, I was maybe 9, 10 years old. I remember because there were no printers back then, so we would manually write the flyers for his campaign. You know, when he's running for a district position, he, we were, like, writing it using a marker and a piece of paper. There were no, yes, there were copiers back then, but there were just no paper. Give it to someone, write again, give it to someone. So yeah, yeah, my– my grandfather was like that. So, yeah, I guess those influences that I've had growing up, really, I appreciate them because they really made me into what I am now? And I'm not, again, romanticizing my poor, my poverty-stricken background, but I think it made me more aware and more appreciative of– of the things that I should value and not just whine or complain about.
[01:48:29]
So yeah, yeah, yeah. I still miss working, though. [laughs] I miss every part of it, but I love my kids so, and I love my family so. So I'm enjoying this. This is a gift and I should just be, maximize it. Make the most out of the time that I am given to, to care for them. 100, full time right now, yeah. Yeah. Oh! And I'm– I'm not sure. I know you're an artist, too. I have, but my art influences, are, of course. Van Gogh, he's like, oh, mostly, I love him. Like, from day one. And then of course I always love, um, Klimt. He’s just a bit more, yeah, more eccentric. [laughs] Yeah, but, but I love Renoir. Yeah, yeah, he's more realistic. So yeah, that's why I'm a member of the Met. I always go there. I've been there, like, six times already. Yeah, and I still love going there every single time. So, and also, the Cloisters. That's why, yeah, you told me I– I need to visit the local ones. I haven't been there, so. Yeah, yeah, I guess art’s really played a big part of, in my life, you know, not an escape, but as an inspiration, it gets more, yeah. Yeah. [laughs] I know I'm not ready. I should have put my– my bullets. I thought that's gonna last me when I were, when I rehearsed this morning, but it didn't. But anyway, yeah, so, so there. So, um, what else from my childhood? [pause] I thought this is gonna last for hours! But, anyway. [laughs] Yeah, but I love– it's just so funny how introverted I was, that I, now became, like, you know, I love small talks. Like, I can make small talks in an instant, but I remember this instance, just to tell you how introvert I am. So, I'm supposed to make a paper about, because I love cooking, remember? I wanted to make a paper about the traditional way of making bread back home. So, I had to interview this 50-year-old bakery. I have to go to that bakery to interview the owner, right? I was so introverted. I was like 8 years old at that time. I had to pass around at bakery like ten times before I went in. That's how shy I was. I was like, so shy. Um, yeah, but yeah, I'm– I'm just glad that I got over it. Sometimes I think it will come back to you, you know. Like, I guess as an adult, you get to be you, you love to be more introvert.
[01:51:49]
Well, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you want to be comfortable, right? But that, that was how it was like, yeah, I– I was too shy, right? Yeah. [pause] And I hate writing. [laughs] I hate writing back then, but. I was more into the creative writing. I don't like journalism style of writing. But yeah, I had to finish the course. But eventually, that person who trained me, that American writer? He helped me redo, he helped polish my writing skills so much that I– I remembered the first time I sent him a press release. So I interviewed the client, sent him a press release. It came back to me. I didn't recognize it at all. He changed every single word. But all he said was, in his email, all he said was, “Here you go.” But he didn't even tell me what– what happened. But it was a different, I didn't write that story. But it was nice, you know, the way he trained me without, without dampening my spirit? I guess that that really helped me a lot. And even with the way I handled people in– in my previous teams. I don't pin them down. Like, I don't give them criticism. I just tell them this is how it should go. So, he was a really good influence in the way that I worked. Um, because he taught me that, you know, I can't get anything by saying all the nasty words. Yeah, he, he just guided me, yeah, really well. Yeah, when he made me love writing so much. Yeah. So I met, the authors that I met in my lifetime was um, I met Neil Gailman. Um, Steven Dubner? Um, Malcolm Gladwell. This were just book launches and some events, I guess. Philip Kotler. So yeah, some combination of marketing, fiction, etc. So, yeah. I want to meet Brené Brown though. She's– she's really good. I'm reading her Daring Greatly right now. So, yeah. Hopefully I finish it before I pay out. They don't have dues anymore, which is great. Did you know that? They removed the dues in the library? So, if you're– if you're not returning the book for, even for a month. You're not going to pay anything, which is great, but that doesn't encourage good behavior [laughs] for people like me. Anyway, anyway, that's just me saying. Um, yeah. Yeah. I don't have anything to say to you anymore. Help! Help!
I do have a couple questions.
Okay.
When you, when you and your family–
Mhm hmm.
Were, were immigrating here–
Yeah.
Was there an organization or anyone that helped you navigate finding an apartment and the things that you– that you do when you move to a new place?
[01:54:55]
That's a great question, because the answer is none. Like, my husband? Yes, um. He was booked by his company in a two week hotel. Um, um. And then he wasn't given a relocation package at all, similar to how expats should have. But he wasn't given that. He was only given two weeks of hotel– a hotel stay. And then he– he had to find an apartment by himself. So he, he um, yeah. He searched on his own. Like he was going to Facebook, he was doing Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist. He was looking at the local listings and that's where he found the– the rental that we are in right now. So yeah, good question. They didn't help us. They only made had spent, an employer only gave him like a two-month hotels at– two week hotel stay for him to find a place. Even the car doesn't have a car, and you know how it is in Parsippany, right? You have to find a car! You can't move without a car. So, for like, because remember how hard it is out, the good thing, yeah, I think. My husband really was, did a great job in adjusting, in helping us adjust here, because remember how he doesn't have a credit score yet, right? So, he had to build his credit score. He wasn't able to buy a car until the sixth month. His six month. So, in that six months, and he moved in during winter, so he was here for November 2019. He was, um, about a year early than us. So, he was commuting in that six months. So, either he was getting an Uber, Lyft, commuting, riding the bus, it was hard for him, and he also had to do some carpool with some of his housemates back then just to buy groceries. And he had no car. Even during the pandemic. So, it was hard for him to adjust like, he, yeah, I don't know how he did it, but he was able to– to go through that. It was hard. He was declined for a vehicle loan just because he doesn't have a credit score yet and he needed the car badly. So, what he did was he had to walk like fifteen minutes from a rental to the bus station to get to the office and then the same going back. So, it was hard for him doing that just because, um, no one was giving him that car loan. Um, yeah. Well, once he was able to build the credit score, that was when everything started getting easy. And loans are just coming into our, you know, loan offers, I mean. So yeah, it was hard for him– him. Um, for me it was, just because he set up everything before we came. It was easy, so thank God for that. Um, for me, it's yeah. It's– driving around that I was a bit uncomfortable with. I mean, I'm a good driver back in the Philippines. I used to drive a manual car, so. And I– I believe that I'm a good driver. But here I was just like, oh gosh, people are, the system is right of way right? Like, you have to give way, like, you can't just go in, blah blah blah. So, it was hard for me because people are really rushing, like, really fast, so, but I was able to cope. So, I'm driving myself now and I– I was able to get a license as well so.
[01:58:30]
So yeah, that was, it was good. So, I guess I– I just said, well, sometimes I still get anxious to drive in a highway 'cause everybody like, zoom, or really fast. But yeah, I learned to– to cope with that, I guess. And I'm the one driving the kids to school, and I know the neighborhood more than my husband does now. Like, I know every street already. So yeah, it was, yeah, it– it was him, really. Set up everything for us when we came. Like, literally, he was painting the apartment before we went, before we came here it was, been painting it, he was cleaning the carpet, blah blah blah, everything else. So yeah. It was good of him to do. Do you have another question?
You had brought up witchcraft earlier in the interview.
Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. Tell me about it.
What does that mean? Tell me about it. What does that mean, like, look, culturally or even as the child, what are the kinds of things that you are?
Yeah, so it's about reading auras, um, reading a person’s aura, practicing being a clairvoyant. Um, this was because, good thing you asked. This was because, um, when I was 10 years old, I really witnessed an exorcism. Like, I'm not kidding. Like the lady next door or no, in front of our house. She was, what do you call the? Someone bewitched her, like, someone spelled a cast. And this is hard. Some cast a spell around in, on her, um, and she was being possessed by demons. Yeah, I'm telling you. So, in the Philippines, houses are made of wood and bamboo. So, you can see some– some things, right? So, you can see if you put your– your eyes in there, you'll see what's happening inside. So, I saw that woman basically being tied, hand tied down by the group of pastors. So, they were exorcizing her and she was literally black and blue. She was literally shouting, saliva coming out of her mouth, bubbling out. And then, and then, and then the demon was cast out. So, I really saw that with my sisters. Um, and then growing up, we had a lot of, um, urban legends, you know, the manananggal, the one that cuts herself in half and then flies. And then he would be telling ghost stories a lot, a whole lot of times. And then in college, yes, we practice that, like, how to be a clairvoyant, how to call a ghost. You know, the Ouija board. We practiced so many of those things and it was crazy. There was one thing that made me stop it. This was in a dream.
[02:01:32]
I was dreaming. I was in a boarding house. I was 19 years old, and then in my dream I said, “I want to be a medium.” That's where I confessed, blah blah blah. Like I– I remember I chanted something, and then I confessed. I wanted to be a– a medium and then I felt like my third eye was opening up and then there were, like, hands in my face, and then there was like a gush of air blowing to my ears. And then I got so scared, like, really scared. And that's when I started praying, like, “Lord!” 'Cause I grew up Christian. “Lord, this is not what I want to do. Please help me!” And then I was pulled out of that nightmare, and then my board mates, they were saying I was shouting my dream, they were trying to wake me up, blah blah blah, 'cause we were practicing witchcraft by that time, and we already know how to do the Ouija board. The, uh, um, clairvoyant, looking at a person and then really assessing the aura of that person? The color of the aura, you know? So, it was crazy. That– that was really scary. I mean, it was fun if you do it as a group. But when it's only you, that's a totally different thing, you know? And that's when bad things started happening, as well. That's when my– my husband– my ex-boyfriend was stabbed. That's when my phone, the phone that I got from winning that painting competition? It was stolen from me because, I don't know. Maybe because I was practicing those evil things– evil things. So that was when bad things really started to happen to me, and my grades were failing, etc. So that's when I stopped as well. So yeah, that's– that’s the witchcraft thing. It's bad, because I think I was exposed to it early on, like all the ghost stories, all the, and we have some branded mangkukulam or a witch in the community as well. So yeah, I was exposed to that growing up. Any other questions?
Where are your siblings? We haven't really–
Oh, my gosh. Tell me about it! I haven't told you. Okay? There were five girls. Five girls. Can you imagine that? We went, we became five because my dad wanted a boy, and then he was still going for the sixth. You know what my mother did? Went to the Medical Center and had herself ligated like. You know, just to cut it off.
[02:24:16]
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[BEGINNING OF RECORDING TWO]
[00:00:00]
It’s to stop her from being pregnant. She doesn’t want a kid anymore. [laughs] My dad still wanted, um, a child, another child. So we were five. Um, I’m the second eldest, um, um, but my elder sister, she was two years older than me, but she grew up having seizures? ‘Cause she flew from, she– she fell down from a stairs which is like ten steps high, and then her– her head somehow, I guess there was some fractures? So she started having seizures after the accident. So growing up, I would, because she was so fragile– not fragile in the sense that she’s weak– but we were taking care of her, making sure she doesn’t have any seizures. I was the one who’s a bit like, more of the elder sister. I had to do the, “Hey! You did this, let’s, let’s clean this up!” Blah, blah, blah. I had to go to the, to a block away just to get, just to fetch water. I will have to be the one to cook for the family when I get home. So I did a lot of the things that my elder sister should have been doing. Um, just because we wanted to take care of her. So yeah, I would fetch water. I would cook rice. I would cook the dinner for the night. ‘Cause I love cooking itself. But I would do all those things. I would take care of my youngest. Um, I would play with my friends carrying my youngest sister. She was like, I was like seven and she would be like one or two? And then I would wash her if she poops, etcetera. Yeah! I’m the one taking care of her all the time. Two, actually, two of them. So, yeah, I felt like I’ve been– I’ve had that sense of responsibility. Um, growing up, um, and yeah, there were five girls. Um, the three of us, we all went to college. The fourth one, she didn’t want to finish college because she wanted to sing. I guess that’s where my eldest daughter got the talent from. Um, she wanted to sing. Like, she was saying that she’s going to nursing school, but she was actually cutting class. She was singing at a– singing at a band. And I was supporting her during that time! So, yeah, that was– that felt so– so– such a betrayal for me, because I was supporting her financially and she was not using that for– to finish her studies. So she wasn’t able to finish her college. And also my fourth, um, my youngest sister wasn’t able to finish college. But the three of us, the elder ones, we were able to get some good education, so, yeah. Yeah! Um, and that’s it! That’s my sisters. Mhm. [laughs]
Thank you, Jenny.
Okay, sorry! [laughs]
No, don’t apologize!
That’s a lot! [laughs]
No, this is great!
It’s a lot!
Thank you.
Okay! Good thing you did not fall asleep. I should bring you coffee sometime!
[laughs]
[00:02:59]
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